10 ways to save your marriage from going downhill!

So you've been married for a gazillion years...well maybe just 5 but it sure feels like ages! Things between you and your hubby have fallen into something you can only describe as a ‘routine’. At best, you tolerate each other. Where did that magic go?

Before you make a life-altering decision, take some time to evaluate where you stand. Experts say in many divorces it is less about marrying the wrong person, and more of doing the right things with the person you married. In other words, your marriage is a constant ‘work in progress’.

To keep the fire that made you say ‘I do’ burning, try out these 10 tips to save your marriage.

Don’t stop the physical affection

Do you always have an excuse not to hold hands? Stop the excuses, hold his hand! After a while of being married, we forget how we used to love cuddling up in front of the TV watching our favorite sitcom.

If you feel you've drifted apart way beyond redemption, this is where you should start – with the small stuff like a quick kiss before leaving to work, holding hands, or just lean into him when watching TV.

Stop the yelling!

Does even a slight disagreement spiral down to an all- out yelling match? Or do you yell at each other for just anything – ‘why do you take hours to get ready’, ‘do something more productive than sitting around watching sports’. Like kids, adults occasionally need time-outs as well.

When you sense things are getting out of control, take a minute and take a breath. Do a check on your temper and address the issue calmly. Seems like a lot of effort when all you want to do is body-slam the guy? Well you are trying to make a change remember? That requires all the effort you can muster up!

Don’t sweat the small stuff

Pick your battles carefully. Sometimes we feel it is our duty to point out our partner’s weaknesses. You sure didn’t get hitched doing that! Instead focus on the good he does.

If you make an effort in the beginning, you will automatically start seeing him in a new light. If something he does really irritates you, try waiting it out for a few minutes. After a few minutes what you were irritated about may even seem silly.

Name calling is a big NO!

A cardinal rule of fighting fair: name-calling is prohibited!! You probably think you don’t name-call just because you don’t swear. But pointing out that he is self-centered or stubborn or a challenge to live with is a form of name-calling. It is labeling him as these things.

You too deserve the same courtesy. So when you are both calm, lay down a rule about name-calling. This will help your relationship tremendously.

Don’t fight in front of the kids

You can’t expect your kids to treat others with compassion and kindness if all they see is you two fighting all the time. There is never an issue pressing enough that needs to be thrashed out in front of your children.

If you get into an argument while your kids are present, have the presence of mind to say ‘not in front of the kids’ or ‘can we discuss this later’.

Balance the time you spend with/without each other

Remember that just because you said ‘till death do us part’ it doesn't mean you need to spend every waking minute with your spouse. Experts say that scheduling some ‘me’ time in your day is not being selfish. Be it time for fitness, time to spend with friends or relaxation, it is very important to spend time apart as much as it is spending time together.

When you spend time together, do something that is fun for both of you! Remember how you loved going bowling or going for a movie? It is fun and fulfilling spending time with your kids, but make sure you schedule a date-night for just you and your man to do something you guys love!

Continue to try and be attractive for your man

Have you turned into the queen of frump? We know your life is busy with the kids, work, errands and the lot. If he truly loves you, he should love you no matter how un-kept you look right? Um, not really… Even though your man loves you unconditionally, he deserves to see you looking well-kept.

We’re not saying wear a ton of make-up and stilettos for hanging around the house – that is so outdated! Just take a minute to make yourself pretty for him. Remember the days when you stressed for hours on the outfit you should wear to meet him? The same applies to him. Once he notices you making an effort, you may see him donning those torn shorts less often ;)

Just do it!

Yes, by ‘do it’ we mean have sex. If you have drifted apart in your relationship, intimacy is one of the quickest ways to rekindle that spark with your partner. This is one of the first areas of your relationship to suffer if you are harbouring ill-feelings towards each other and one of the most vital areas to nurture for a fulfilling relationship.

Communicate your feelings

If fighting is as close as you come to communicating your feelings, then sit down together and make a conscious decision that you will communicate your feelings without criticising each other. Take time to talk and reconnect. Talk about anything and everything. But choose a time when you are not caught in-between making the kids’ meals, loading the washing machine and so on.

Spoil each other with random acts of kindness

Just because you are hitched for life, it doesn’t mean you’re done with wowing each other for the rest of your lives. You don’t need an occasion to do something special for your ‘someone special’ like sending him flowers or making his favorite meal to keep the magic going.

This is a gift that will keep giving and we bet he will find interesting ways of showing his appreciation later-on!

Written by

Minoli Almeida

DivorceMarriagesave your marriage