7 worst discipline mistakes smart parents make

Do you bribe you kids a little too often to get things done? Is yelling at them your way of getting them to listen to you? You may be making a big mistake - discipline-wise. Fear not, you are not alone. But there are other ways of handling toddler tantrums and the like. Read on to find out what there are.

Click next to see ways to handle such situations..

You are on a tight schedule and you are running errands in the supermarket with junior in tow. You are focused with your list in hand. Just when you thought things are moving along, your kid manages to grab candy from the isle and starts: "Muuummyy can I have this?" "NO", you say firmly. "But MUUUMMM…" and before you know it your child is on the verge of a full-on tantrum!
How would you handle this situation? We have all found ourselves in similar situations and disciplining young kids can be a daunting task to many of us. Below, we take a look at 7 discipline mistakes even the best of us could make. We also offer ways you could handle the given situations.

Losing your temper

Losing your cool can yield irreversible results. First yelling and then worse - spanking. Once you have gone down that road, you can’t go back. You have conveyed to your kids that it is ok to get angry and say and do hurtful things. They may also start yelling back at you, and even worse, hitting you to convey their frustration.

The alternative: time outs aren’t just for kids. If you feel your temper rising take a minute, regain your calm and use reason to talk to your kid. Kids actually react better to calm requests than demands.

Negative commands

Often we find ourselves giving negative commands to our kids, "don’t do this", "stop doing that". The things we tell our kids not to do outweigh the things we tell them to do.

The alternative: experts say, save the ‘NO’ for truly dangerous situations like if they stick their fingers in an electrical socket. Instead tell them what you want them to do. Also explain WHY they shouldn’t do what you’re asking them not to instead of just demanding. For instance, if your kid grabs his sister by her hair, instead of yelling NO, say "look, you are hurting your sister and it’s making her sad". Also use positive parenting by praising them if they listen to you.

We don’t play by the rules

We set rules we can’t keep up with. For instance we tell our kids not to be disrespectful of others. Yet we get mad at a family member and yell at them in front of our kids. This gives them the message that rules can be bent and broken.

The alternative: it is very difficult to keep our emotions in check all the time. So if our emotions get the better of us and we slip-up, apologize. If your kid points out your slip-up, don’t be arrogant and tell them to mind their own business. Acknowledge that they are right and apologize.

Using bribery

We all resort to this! Kids do what we ask of them only because they get something in return. Absolutely no lesson is learnt in the process. They expect to be rewarded every time they do something good.

The alternative: instead of bribing for good behaviour, experts say that reinforcing good behaviour is more effective. So instead of saying ‘if you are good at the supermarket today, I will buy you candy’, try ‘I’m so proud of how you behaved at the supermarket today. You were a very good girl’. Similarly if your child didn’t behave well you can say ‘The way you behaved at the supermarket today made me sad’. It may seem a bit harsh, but this helps develop your child’s conscience.

Inconsistent discipline

You have asked your kid to get off the computer and she ignores you and keeps playing games. So out come the threats ‘If you don’t get off the computer by the time I get there, no TV for the rest of the week’ and so on. Then she continues on the computer and you are compelled to switch it off yourself. You forget the initial threat of no TV for a week.

The alternative: don’t make promises you can’t keep. In this case – threats. Set limits and follow through. Be straightforward with rules you make. No negotiations. If she acts upon your request, then thank her for doing so.

Setting your expectations too high

Take the earlier example of the kid in the supermarket. Is expecting him to sit in the shopping cart and not ask for anything expecting too much?

The alternative: experts say that very young kids are not wired to automatically know social norms. The kid sees colourfully packaged candy and instinctively wants it. The easy option would be to not take him to the supermarket again. But then again, that wouldn’t teach him to behave well at a supermarket. Expect to gently remind him quite a few times before he behaves in the way you expect him to and when he does, praise his good behavior.

One method of discipline doesn’t suit every child

Giving your daughter a time-out for bad behavior has been working well, but your son just doesn't respond well to time-outs. He just can’t sit still. What do you do?

The alternative: analyse your child’s personality well before doling out punishment. What works for your daughter may not work for your son. Apart from this, different ages require different methods of discipline. You cannot expect an 18 month old to respond to time-out the same way a 4 year old will.

Minoli Almeida

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