Your toddler comes to you and asks for a pack of gummies to be opened. You say “no” and they start biting your arm out of frustration. If it’s not an unopened gummy pack, it’s when you’re sitting in your living room, watching TV, and then your toddler just reaches for your hand and starts biting.
It can get worse sometimes that even the parents of your child’s playmates might advise you to isolate your child from their children.
As parents, we wonder: why does this happen? Why do our toddlers suddenly want to bite everything? Is it because they’re teething or just want to get our attention? Either way, this is socially harmful behaviour that can cause much embarrassment to parents.
The first step towards changing this behaviour is intervention.
It’s best to start as early as possible so that they won’t grow up and be labelled as “biters.” While it is upsetting when you get bitten by your toddler, it’s important to know that toddlers still haven’t fully developed a sense of self-control. So this may just be how they express their feelings of frustration or something more.
To further understand why toddlers bite and what you can do to help them grow out of it, here’s a handy guide.
Why Do Toddlers Bite?
Biting is quite common for infants and toddlers. Just as every personality is different, children also have different reasons why they resort to biting. They bite because they:
-
Do not know how else to express what they’re feeling
Between the ages 1 and 2, your child is in the beginning stages of communicating. So, they struggle to express emotions they haven’t felt before like fear, frustration, hunger, or anger. The most familiar expression they give is to either cry or bite. They might bite you, their nannies or even themselves.
Image source: iStock
-
Want to get your attention
It’s at this point where your child is aware of their surroundings and is able to recognise how much they like attention. So, whenever you’re not paying attention to them anymore, they bite, so you can put your focus back on them.
-
Are curious about your reaction
Naturally, the toddler years are when your child wants to explore as much as they can. So, don’t be surprised if they do something and their only purpose for doing so is to see what happens next. The same logic goes to why they would bite you out of nowhere – to see how you’ll react.
-
Feel the need to defend themselves
Your child might bite a person they are not familiar with. It’s their defence mechanism because they do not want anyone unfamiliar to approach them.
If your toddler has not had their full set of teeth yet, they might bite because new ones are growing out of their gums. Teething can feel irritating to your child, so they bite out of annoyance with that feeling. Giving them some chilled teethers will relieve that itching right away. You can also give them chilled bananas to munch on.
As you can see, none of the reasons mentioned above makes any indication that something is wrong with your toddler biting when they’re mad. It’s pretty common. And all there is to it is to teach them how to manage their frustrations.
What To Do When Your Child Bites?
Image Source: iStock
Let’s start off with what you shouldn’t do.
It definitely won’t help if you shame or punish your child for biting. You have to keep in mind that they are not actually aware that what they’re doing is “wrong.” At this point, they have no clear concept of that. So, punishing them might only confuse them more.
Pinning your child as a biter would also not have your desired effect. It might just intensify their behaviour or worse influence them to own the label.
Don’t bite your child back too. That’s definitely not a good idea, as it would only further encourage the behaviour.
What you should do are to:
If you’re not the one your child was biting, console the other person they did. Whether that’s a friend or another kid, apologise and let them know you got it under control.
This is going to be the balance that you have to achieve in order to stop your child from biting. You’re going to have to be firm in saying “no biting” but say it in a calm manner so as not to alienate your child. Firmness with your words, calmness with your tone.
-
Teach them about emotions
Again, biting is your child’s form of expression. Now, of course, just because they found a way to express such feelings, it doesn’t mean such an expression is correct. So, you direct them to more
healthy ways of expressing those emotions. If they’re feeling angry, teach them about that emotion.
You can start off with leading questions, just so you can understand what your child is trying to say. “Are you hungry?” “Are you mad?” “Did someone make you mad?” Then, they can respond by shaking their head for no or nodding for yes. Once you familiarise them with your leading questions, get them to say the actual words. “I am mad.” “I am hungry.” “You made me mad.”
The more you get them used to saying what their feelings are, the lesser they result to biting to express such feelings.
Another translation of your child’s biting is when their frustrations are through the roof or they are at the peak of their boredom. So, the best way to deal with their biting is to turn their attention to positive activities, like playing with their toys, drawing or colouring.
-
Turn to positive reinforcement
Nothing else changes a child’s behaviour better than a
reward. So, on top of teaching your child healthy ways of expressing emotions, reward them when they succeed in communicating their feelings. In this way, you are conditioning them to turn away from biting as a form of expression.
-
Check the source of frustration
Over time, you will notice that your child exhibits such behaviour only at certain times or places.
For instance, you might notice that the child bites more when they are in preschool. If that is the case, they might be uncomfortable in loud and crowded places. Given that, you can either talk to your child’s doctor to figure out a remedy or find your child another preschool where it’s less noisy and less crowded.
Children might bite out of anxiety. So, it helps if you let them know what will happen within the day, so they know what to expect and avoid biting out of anxiousness.
While it’s normal for kids to bite at an earlier age, you should expect them to outgrow this habit when they get to ages 3 or 4. Contact your doctor if this behaviour persists and/or only gets worse.
Remember that you’re not alone and it’s better to seek professional help when you’re unsure.
Image Source: iStock
Updates from Kim Brua
