When best friends steal husbands

It may be hard to believe that in an age of BFFs, ‘sistas’ and ‘besties’, women can and do cheat on their friends with their friends’ husbands. Here’s what to do when you have lost your other half to a close female (ex) friend.

Best friends who cheat

In an ideal world some things should never happen, but two close relationships are put to the test when a best friend steals your husband and has a marital affiar. The betrayal is a doubled blow and the chances of repairing both ties are very slim. You may also feel like losing hope in love and friendship but here are six ways to handle the delicate situation:

How to confront your best friend if you suspect her

If your gut instinct makes you suspect foul play between your friend and your husband and you have no empirical evidence, watch out for the following four signs:

1. She keeps asking intrusive and inappropriate questions about your husband.

2. She suddenly goes quiet in your husband’s presence but giggles at anything he says.

3. She stops contacting you and starts avoiding you altogether.

4. She is suddenly very secretive about where she is going and who she is meeting.

Calmly highlight how uncomfortable her recent behaviour is making you feel. There’s a high chance she will back off, because a husband cannot really be stolen unless he wants to be.

How to confront your best friend if you know

Even if you do not want to, it is absolutely necessary to confront your best friend about her betrayal. Get it all out of your chest.

Ask every question you want, let her know how you feel, tell her what her betrayal did to you and to your friendship. In order to move on, it is crucial that you say everything that needs to be said, so that you will not wonder years later what if you have said this or that.

Difficult as it may be, it is important to let her give her side of the story. Even criminals are allowed to defend themselves in court. Listening to her does not mean that you are willing to give her the benefit of the doubt or forgive her. It means that you are willing to listen to what she has to say about a story that directly involves you.

Don’t blame yourself for being blind sided

If your suspicions are confirmed, don’t blame yourself for being blind sided. After the initial shock has worn off, it’s natural to feel angry. Even furious with yourself and you may ask questions such as, "How could I have been so blind/ naive?" But such feelings only encourage you to feel like a victim when you’re not one. Instead you should conduct an honest review of your friendship. For example, were you drifting apart over the years or was she just using you as a shoulder to cry on? Once you have taken an honest assessment of your friendship, it puts things into perspective.

With friends like these…

It may be hard to believe after all the history you and friend have shared together that she could be capable of betraying you. In spite of the late night chats and coffee meet-ups, accept that a friend who cheats on you with your husband was never really your friend in the first place. Say goodbye to your former best friend and close that chapter of your life for good. Maybe you can throw away everything that reminds you of her, burn photos with the two of you, write everything you feel about her in a piece of paper and then throw it away.

Confront your husband — calmly about the marital affair

This may be the harder to do than confronting your ex-best friend. But remember to stay calm. You may have to gather some hard evidence (such as credit card receipts, smses, or even stray hairs on his clothes) to show him. The main aim is to get your husband to admit to what he has done.

Focus on your marriage

It is easier said that done, but you need stop focusing on the hurt of a lost friendship so you can figure out what to do with your husband – be it saving the marriage or getting a divorce. It is important to understand why has he strayed and what does this mean for your relationship with him.

Think positive

Be glad you have discovered the truth about your friend and your husband. You may not feel it at the time but the bitter experience brings its own lessons and make you feel glad about the other people in your life.

Written by

Felicia Chin

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