What are the things your parents did that you will never do to your kids?
How are you parenting unlike your parents?
No parents are perfect. Even if our parents did a great job raising us, there will always be room for improvement. One theAsianparent Community discussion revolved around how some of us parent the way we wish our parents did:
Here’s what the theAsianparent Community community had to say.
“I won’t embarrass my child or put him/her down”
One thing that I didn’t particularly enjoy that my mother did when I was a kid was when my mother “badmouth” me to her friends or relatives (in front of me). For instance, when others praised me for being well-mannered, she would go: “No! You should see her when she’s at home… *spills embarrassing details of a certain tantrum episode*”
I’m sure the intention was not to put me down and more likely to be humble (perhaps) in front of others, or it’s just something that Asian parents do. But as a kid, I always wished that there was a hole for me to disappear into.
— Hui Q. N.
“I won’t spank my child”
Spanking has side effects on children’s behavior and psychology. I will not use it on my children. There are alternative parenting approach when comes to discipline.
— Diana L.
“I will have more faith in my child”
My parents never did quite trust me. I was pretty active in my school’s volleyball team and we had intensive trainings 3 times a week. Trainings would usually start at about 3 pm and would end at 8:30 pm. We’d shower, have dinner then go home. So by the time I got home, it would be maybe 11pm or so.
My dad used to accuse me of going clubbing , using volleyball as an excuse even after I said he could always pick me up (he said I can always “pretend” to be at trainings and come from somewhere else) and it got so bad until one day I really went all rebellious.
— Nooraini D.
“I won’t reinforce gender stereotypes”
Set gender stereotypes, like good girls are supposed to be demure, pretty and learn how to cook, sew, and be a good wife/daughter in law.
“I will encourage them to speak up”
My parents never let me argue with them. It was always, “because I said so … because I am your mother/father…” and if I dared to argue, they would just raise their voice and cut me off.
I don’t want to do that to my kids. I want them to challenge me and challenge the world around them.
— R. G.
“I won’t focus too much on grades”
Making unachievable goals for you kid academically and ignoring anything other than that. I was very good at painting as a primary schooler.
But it was ignored to such an extent that when I stopped doing it, no one at my house noticed. But sudden drop in exam marks clearly raised their eyebrows.
— Harshit K.
“I will create more structure”
My parents were never too strict, maybe too easygoing sometimes. I will make sure to have rules and chores in my house to teach kids responsibilities. Sometimes I feel like I learnt the hard way because I wasn’t taught household chores when I was younger. I want to teach my kids to be more well-rounded (housework and life work).
— Roshni C.
“I won’t fight with my spouse in front of the kids”
Fighting in front of kids, that impacted me a lot when I was a kid. Parents should understand children perceive a lot more than they think and screaming, fighting really affects them emotionally.
— Karina L.
“I will let my kids explore his/her interests”
My parents didn’t buy the idea that having extra-curricular activities is important to a child’s development. I wanted to enroll in different sports and even attend music classes, but they said our house is far from school and that engaging in those activities are not really important.
I will support my child in whatever activity he/she would like to engage in because I believe that academics is not just the sole part of a child’s development. There’s so much more outside the walls of a classroom.
— Janine M.
What would you do differently? Join the theAsianparent Community discussion here!