Why Spending Time With Your Parents Matters More As They Age

"The Promise" is a heartwarming story about a widowed father and his son, whose lives are intertwined with a red umbrella they share. Spanning three decades, from the 1980s to modern-day Singapore, their story culminates in a revelation about the umbrella and how it symbolizes a promise that binds three generations past, present and future.

There’s a particular ache that a lot of Singaporean parents carry without saying much about it: the sense that between work, raising their own children and the pace of life here, they’re not giving their ageing parents the time they meant to. Sit with that feeling for a moment, because the window is real and finite, and the maths of it is more sobering, and more motivating, than most people realise.

The time you’ve left with an ageing parent is often far less than it feels, and naming that changes how you spend it.

If you see your parents mainly on weekends and holidays, the total remaining hours across their lifetime may add up to something startlingly small. That’s not meant to frighten; it’s meant to reorder priorities while there’s still time to act on them.

The uncomfortable arithmetic

Do the sum properly. If a parent is in their seventies and you see them, say, a couple of times a month for a few hours, the remaining time together over the years they likely have left can total only weeks of actual hours, not years. Most people badly overestimate it, because “I see them regularly” feels like abundance. The calculation isn’t meant to bring dread; it’s meant to bring clarity. When you realise the true quantity is small, occasional visits stop feeling like enough, and time with parents moves up the list where it belongs.

Why it counts for more as they age

Time with ageing parents compounds in value for reasons beyond sentiment. Their health and independence can change quickly, so the version of them you can still travel with, cook with and talk properly with may not last as long as you assume. Your own children get to know their grandparents through the time you make, and that bond is yours to enable or let lapse. And unsaid things get harder to say the longer they wait: gratitude, questions about family history, simple presence. The regret people voice most often afterwards isn’t about work; it’s about time they assumed they still had.

What helps

Make it regular, not grand. A standing weekly call or meal beats a rare big gesture. Rhythm is what accumulates.
Fold them into ordinary life. Bring them along to the children’s activities, the market run, the Sunday meal. Presence in normal days counts for more than special occasions.
Capture them while you can. Record their stories, their recipes, their voice. It becomes priceless and can’t be done later.
Say the things now. Thanks, love, the questions you mean to ask: don’t save them for a someday that isn’t promised.

Frequently asked questions

Why does time with parents matter more as they get older?

Because the remaining time is both shorter and lower-quality than it feels. Health and independence can change fast, so the parent you can still travel and talk with may not be available as long as you assume. The things left unsaid also get harder to say the longer they wait.

How little time do I really have left with my parents?

Often far less than it seems. If you see them a couple of times a month for a few hours, the total across their likely remaining years can add up to only weeks of real hours. Once you’ve done the sum, occasional visits rarely feel like enough.

What’s the best way to spend more time with ageing parents?

Make it regular rather than grand: a standing weekly meal or call. Fold them into ordinary life alongside your kids instead of saving them for special occasions. Rhythm accumulates in a way that rare big gestures don’t.

What do people regret most about this?

Not work, almost never. It’s the time they assumed they still had, the stories they didn’t record, and the things they meant to say. Facing the arithmetic is meant to push you to act while there’s still time.

What to remember

The time left with an ageing parent is usually much smaller than it feels, and seeing that clearly is what reorders priorities. Make time regular instead of grand, bring them into your family’s ordinary days, capture their stories, and say the important things now. The regret that follows is rarely about doing too little at work; it’s about assuming there was more time than there was.