Talking to your kids about terrorism: 12 tips for parents from an expert

It’s undeniable – as much as we want to shelter our kids from the evil that happens in our world sometimes, we can’t always do this. Children are naturally curious, which is why they ask questions about, well, everything.

Take the recent Paris bombings as an example. In the first instance, the incident is splashed across all forms of media these days, so it’s probably a fairly difficult task for parents to shield their kids from it.

And even though Singapore provides a safe haven for families to live in compared to some other countries, should we really be bringing our kids up in an over-protective bubble, where they have no comprehension of what is happening out there? Probably not.

However, terrorism is a deep, complicated and very adult subject, and one that is difficult for parents to talk about with their kids without knowing exactly how to do it.

So to help you out, we bring you very useful information on how you can talk to your kids about terrorism and help them cope with its effects.

The information in this gallery is provided by Dr. Sanveen Kang-Sadhnani, Senior Clinical Psychologist at Promises Healthcare.

1. Talk to your kids about terrorism, but know how to do it

It is important to talk to your children about terrorism, but do keep these factors in mind when you do so: how much your child already knows about the topic, where he got this information from, and his developmental age.

Understanding your child’s developmental age is especially important as it sheds light on your child’s ability to comprehend the information that you are sharing and, his or her general coping abilities.

For example, younger kids tend to see things in "black or white" – in other words, they are more concrete in their thinking and tend to bring the perceived danger closer to home. Older children, on the other hand, may be more able to engage in deeper discussions about their views and fears.

School-aged children, especially boys, can be fascinated and preoccupied by war, weapons, and strategy. Parents can help school-aged children understand the seriousness of war and reinforce the importance of respecting rules regarding safety and interpersonal behaviour.

2. Support military families and their communities

Consider activities that support military families and their communities, like sending letters of support to communities fighting terrorism.

Studies have shown that when we feel we are helping, we improve our coping and reduce our distress. Also, remember that children tend to personalize situations, so an activity such as this will make your child feel like he is truly helping.

3. Stay connected

It is important for all families to spend extra time together and "stay connected" through times of strife, and this extends to instances of terrorist attacks in any part of the world. Talk with and hug your children -- it is not "life as usual," even if daily routines are not visibly interrupted.

In addition, parents and other caregivers should provide support for each other. It is also important for children and families to take constructive steps to reach out or strengthen existing connections to their community.

4. Help kids express their feelings

Help your children find ways to express themselves. Some children may not be able to talk about their thoughts, feelings, or fears. They may be more comfortable drawing pictures, playing with toys, or writing stories or poems directly or indirectly related to current events.

5. Simple explanations make more sense

When talking about terrorism, explain in simple terms what it means. Consider not going in to too much detail or discussing specific details of terror attacks.

Don't overload a child with too much information. It is important to explain to children that efforts are being made globally to fight terrorism. Help separate fact from fiction.

6. Give them a “safe space” to discuss their fears

Allow your children the space to discuss their fears. It is important not to discount them – which sometimes adults may do in an effort to protect children primarily as this is a difficult topic to discuss.

This may lead to children internalizing their fears rather than learning to cope effectively. It may be helpful for parents to normalize the fears and perhaps share coping mechanisms that they use themselves in the event of a stressful event or situation.

7. Stay calm

Staying calm when talking to your kids about terrorism will give them a sense of security. Assure your child that efforts are being taken by parents, schools and on a national level to ensure their safety. Let them know that they are safe.

You may find your child asking questions related to whether acts of terror will happen again and/or in their home countries. Recognize that these may be efforts to seek re-assurance of safety from parents.

Reassuring that these acts will never happen again is impossible and difficult. As such, for older children, it may be worthwhile to engage in a discussion about safety and security in our world.

Be prepared to repeat explanations or have several conversations. Some information may be hard to accept or understand. Asking the same question over and over may be your child's way of asking for reassurance. Be consistent and reassuring, but don't make unrealistic promises.

8. Avoid stereotyping

Avoid stereotyping groups of people by race, nationality, or religion. Use the opportunity to teach tolerance and explain prejudice.

Remember that children learn from watching you and other influential people such as teachers. They are very interested in how you respond to events. They also learn from listening to your conversations with other adults.

That is being said, it is okay to share how you feel when your child asks. But do not over burden then with your worries. Remember that your child is looking up to you for a sense of safety and security.

9. Allow your child to show their emotions

It is okay for your child to get upset while talking about such events, even to the extent of getting quite anxious and crying. If this happens, remember, it is really the events that are upsetting them, not talking to you.

Talking is an important means of sharing your feelings and learning how to cope and adjust with loss. It is okay if your children get upset when talking about scary or disturbing things, but as a parent you can reassure them and help them to feel safe and secure.

10. Don’t force your child to talk

Avoid forcing your child to talk unless he or she is ready. Keep an open invite to exploring this topic. Think about how your children dealt with prior crises in the past and consider trying now what helped them when they were upset or worried before.

11. Control what they see on TV

Don't let your kids watch lots of violent or upsetting images on TV. Repetitive frightening images or scenes can be very disturbing, especially to young children.

12. Speak to a professional if needed

Seek professional help if you notice significant changes in your child’s behaviour and mood.

Signs that a child may need professional help include: ongoing trouble sleeping, persistent upsetting thoughts, fearful images, intense fears about death, and trouble leaving their parents or going to school.

We hope you found this article useful. Do share your thoughts on the topic of talking to kids about terrorism in a comment below.

Written by

theAsianparent

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