Potty Training: Readiness Signs, The Method, And The Thing That Stalls It

If are you potty training try introducing some of these toilet training tunes!

Our readers have already worked out the important part.

“When did you start potty training your child?” 3,047 votes

53%: When he showed he was ready
29%: At 1 year old
19%: At 3 years old

Half went by readiness, not the calendar, and that’s the correct answer. Starting before a child is ready doesn’t finish earlier. It just takes longer and involves more conflict. The child who begins at 18 months and the one who begins at 30 months are often reliably dry within weeks of each other.

What readiness looks like

Look for most of these, not a birthday. Most children arrive here somewhere between 18 months and three.

Stays dry for two hours or more, or wakes dry from naps: the bladder can now hold
Tells you before, during or after, or goes somewhere private to poo
Dislikes a dirty nappy and wants changing
Can pull trousers up and down: a real bottleneck, so practise it before you start
Can walk to the potty and sit down unaided
Follows simple two-step instructions
Shows interest in what happens in the bathroom
Bowel movements are fairly predictable

Don’t start in the fortnight around a new sibling, a house move, starting childcare, or an illness. Pick a settled stretch of two or three weeks when you’re mostly at home.

The method

Let them choose the potty. Ownership does real work here. A potty on the floor is less frightening than a big toilet; a seat insert with a step stool works too. Feet must reach something, because a child can’t push with dangling legs.
Ditch the nappy at home and use easy clothes. Nothing with buttons, poppers or belts. Bare-bottomed for the first few days works well if your flooring allows.
Sit at predictable moments: on waking, twenty minutes after meals, before the bath, before going out. Not every twenty minutes, which turns the day into a running battle.
Keep the sit short. Two or three minutes, and here a song helps: the same song each time, and when it ends the sit is over. It removes the arguing about how long, and it gives them something to do.
Praise the sitting, not just the result. “You sat on the potty, well done” is what you can reward reliably. Praising only successes makes failures feel like failures.
Never punish or shame an accident. Accidents are the method working, not the method failing. Shame produces withholding, and withholding produces constipation, and that’s where potty training goes wrong.
Teach wiping, flushing and handwashing as part of the sequence from the start, front to back for girls. A handwashing song of about twenty seconds does this job neatly.
Expect it to take weeks, and expect regression around illness, travel and any change at home.

Refusing to poo in the potty

Many children wee in the potty happily and refuse to poo in it for weeks or months. This is extremely common and it’s almost never defiance.

Usually one hard, painful stool has taught the child that pooing hurts. They hold it in, which makes the next one harder, which confirms the lesson. The fix is softer stools, not more pressure: more water, more fruit and fibre, and a word with your doctor or polyclinic if it’s entrenched.

Constipation is the single most common hidden reason potty training fails. Pushing harder makes it worse in every direction.

In the meantime, let them have a nappy to poo in if they ask. Standing in the bathroom with a nappy on is progress. The nappy comes off later, once it stops hurting.

Night-time dryness comes later

Daytime dryness and night-time dryness are different things, and night isn’t a skill you can teach. It depends on a hormone that reduces urine production overnight and on bladder capacity, both of which mature on their own schedule.

Wait until nappies are dry most mornings before trying. That may be months or years after daytime training.
Bedwetting up to five is entirely normal, and it remains common to seven. It isn’t laziness and it isn’t a discipline matter.
Waterproof mattress protector, and a calm middle-of-the-night routine.
See a doctor if a child who’s been dry at night for six months starts wetting again, or if bedwetting continues past seven.

When to ask for help

Pain or crying when weeing, or straining
Very hard stools, blood on the paper, or fewer than three bowel movements a week
Complete refusal continuing past about four
Daytime wetting resuming after six months of being reliably dry
Constant dribbling, or a weak stream

Frequently asked questions

When should I start potty training?

When the child is ready, not at a set age, which is what 53% of our readers did. Look for staying dry two hours or more, telling you about it, disliking a dirty nappy, being able to pull trousers up and down, and walking to the potty unaided. Most children reach this between 18 months and three.

Does starting earlier finish earlier?

Generally no. Starting before readiness usually means training takes longer and involves more conflict, and children who start at 18 months and at 30 months are often reliably dry within weeks of each other.

How do songs help with potty training?

They solve two practical problems. The same short song every time marks how long a sit lasts, which stops the negotiation about getting up. And a twenty-second handwashing song builds the last step of the routine automatically.

My child wees in the potty but won’t poo. What do I do?

This is very common and almost never defiance. Usually one hard, painful stool taught the child that pooing hurts, so they hold it, which makes the next one harder. The fix is softer stools: more water, fruit and fibre, and a word with your doctor if it’s entrenched. Let them use a nappy to poo in meanwhile. Pushing harder makes it worse.

Should I punish accidents?

Never. Accidents are the method working, not failing. Shame leads to withholding, withholding leads to constipation, and constipation is the most common hidden reason potty training stalls.

When will my child be dry at night?

Later, and separately. Night dryness depends on a hormone that reduces overnight urine production and on bladder capacity, neither of which can be taught. Wait until nappies are dry most mornings before trying. Bedwetting to five is entirely normal and remains common to seven.

What to remember

Go by readiness, not age. Half of readers already do. Practise pulling trousers up and down before you start.

Short sits at predictable moments, one song long, praise the sitting, not the result, and never punish an accident.

If they refuse to poo, treat the constipation, not the behaviour. And leave night-time alone until the nappies are already dry in the morning.