REAL STORIES: My Partner Left Me and Our Rainbow Baby With Special Needs

We will do anything for our child regardless of how difficult the circumstances are. Read this mum’s account of being a single parent of a special needs child.

 

In her story, you’ll read:

Motherhood. One of the most powerful experiences yet also the biggest gamble in the world. Each and every mother will have different experiences as they go through their parenting journey.

 

For me, motherhood marks a new chapter in every woman’s story. It is emotional and exhausting too.

 

A mother is someone who is vulnerable, amazing, brave, independent, strong, loving, nurturing, emotional, protective, reliable, full and also empty at the same time.

 

Some would think that motherhood is simple and easy. Giving birth, adopting children, starting a family. But that’s not all there is. It’s more of a roller coaster ride – sometimes, one that you wish you never experienced.

 

Let me tell you about my roller coaster.

10 years ago, while my friends were still busy partying or studying, I was preparing to be a mum at the age of 20.

 

A mother’s joy begins when you start to feel a little life stirring inside your tummy, fluttering heartbeats and playful kicks as well.

 

I was 6 weeks pregnant then. While I still basking in the joy of the life inside me, my partner and I got the news that the foetus wasn’t growing. In fact, it was shrinking in size.

 

We were given a choice of dilation and curretage (D&C) or to wait it out for another week. We took the latter in hope that some miracle would happen. But sad to say, we have totally lost our child the following week.

 

They say one in 4 women experience a miscarriage in their lifetime. Experiencing a pregnancy loss is devastating and the healing journey is long and slow. It is a child that you never ever going to have the chance to hold at all. And yes, that’s a reality of motherhood for some.

 

Not  long after, I got pregnant again! But this time around, I was happy but worried at the same time. I was happy that I was pregnant again, yet I was worried that it will end up the same as the previous pregnancy.

 

I had very bad morning sickness for months. I had to be on bed rest throughout the whole pregnancy. We grew more excited as I neared my due date.

 

On the day of my labour, I was told his heart rate was dropping and I thought I was going to lose my child again. I had to go under the knife wide awake to get him out as soon as possible.  Feeling cold and trembling, I thought, “Would I get out of the operating room alive?”

 

But everything was worth it when I heard the cries of my boy. My rainbow baby is here! He’s the rainbow after a storm for me. We named him Zeph, which means “hidden by God.” That’s another facet of motherhood I was thrilled to experience.

 

You would have thought that it’s the happy ending to my story, right? But no!

 

Zeph’s biological dad decided to leave when he was only 7 months old. My world came crashing down, but I have to be strong for my boy. I’m all that Zeph has now. And it is true that children are the anchors that hold a mother to life. I have to hold the fort for him, to be his pillar, his harbour, his EVERYTHING while he grows.

 

It was no easy task but what doesn’t kill us, make us stronger. And that’s when I became a single mum. And that’s motherhood on another level.

It was not smooth sailing from there. Trust me, a mother worries day and night nonstop.

 

And as my child was growing, I noticed something different about his development. So based on my instincts, I got some assessments done for Zeph, and we found out that he has attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).

 

Life in primary school for both him and me was horrendous. How many obstacles we have to overcome, how many tears we have shed, how agonised am I with the school system in handling a child with special needs.

 

We even have nasty mums coming up to me suggesting that I should get my child out of the mainstream school and place him somewhere else. But do they even know, that there is no special school for children with ADHD? Do they know the agony and stress I go through as a single parent with special needs child on a daily basis?

 

Many times Zeph and I hug to cry together. Society hasn’t been accepting and inclusive of those with special needs. And yes, this is motherhood for you too on the extreme level.

 

Not all mothers have to go through those kinds of challenges like I did, but it did make me a better and stronger person. And if you’re a mum, you’ll know that motherhood is not all hardships and struggles. Motherhood is also all about kisses, hugs, cuddles, snuggles and proud mama moments too! And that makes everything so worth it.

 

What’s your motherhood story?