This Singapore Mum Found Love Again After a Really Painful Past
"When you fall in love, just love hard and embrace the past, present and future of the one you love."
We first came across Suanne’s story on zula.sg, the story of a woman whose dream of getting married to the love of her life was shattered, when her fiance died in a car crash, leaving her three months pregnant.
Today, Suanne works as an insurance agent, and handles accounts work for her dad's business. She is also proud mummy to 5-year-old Danson. She tells us how she survived the ordeal, made peace with her past and found love again.
Love, Hope and Loss
“I met my late fiance when I was 12. He was 4 years older than me. We started dating when I was 16. After 8 years of courtship, he proposed to me in 2011; I instantly agreed. There was no doubt about it, we shared a strong and loving relationship.
The accident happened on 2nd May 2011, around 4.45am. It was one month before the wedding day (3rd June 2011). I was 3 months pregnant then.
I feel lost for words to describe how I felt back then. Everything fell apart on that fateful day. I became very quiet and didn't want to talk to anyone at all.
I cried through many sleepless nights.
Life as a single mum
Some of my friends suggested that I go for an abortion and start life anew. In my heart, I knew that if I did that, I would never be able to face myself for the rest of my life.
Deciding to bring my child to this world was the greatest and firmest decision I have ever made.
Sure, life was tough being a single mum, and at times society could get cruel. But I'm grateful that I had a handful of good friends who cared for me genuinely.
My parents and my ever-supportive family, have been my pillars of strength.
My dad once said this to me, “You have been through the darkest moment (Daniel's passing) and the most painful moment (giving birth to Danson), is there anything you cannot conquer?” His sentence shook me up instantly.
How this Singapore mum found love again
And then, after 3 years, fate sprang up a surprise, and his name was Daniel too!
Says Suanne, “We are colleagues and I first met him in July 2014, at a company event.
We realised that we could talk to each other about anything and everything. It was only by November 2015 that we got closer. I felt comfortable being with him, he gave me a sense of assurance. We get along very well, and I guess, we shared a deep level of understanding.”
We asked Daniel Chia, Relationship Manager at an insurance company on what attracted him to Suanne. He reveals, “She came across as someone who was strong and independent; opinionated, but soft-spoken. Even though we were colleagues, it took time for us to know each other really well, more than a year, in fact. I realised what a wonderful human being she was, and that the one meant for me was right beside me all along. Life is strange indeed!”
Suanne and Daniel got married in September 2016.
Knowing about the past
Was he ever intimidated by her past, we wonder? Says Daniel, "Being colleagues, I was well aware of her past. In fact, seeing her for who she was and what she stood for in life drew me closer to her. I really can’t think of anyone more kind, gentle and mindful.
It's human to love and what does loving someone have to do with her past, especially when she's such a wonderful person! I guess most people are just afraid of judgement and rumours and insignificant chatter.
Suanne wouldn't be who she is without her past, and I love and cherish her and our son Danson for it.
When you fall in love, just love hard and embrace the past, present and future of the one you love.”
Suanne recalls that Danson took to Daniel almost instantly, “As Daniel and I grew closer, he made the effort to get to know Danson better by spending more quality time with him.”
Daniel reveals, “I am not an experienced father so it’s pretty much on-the-job training, much like whatever you do in life that's worthwhile, non-scripted, and non-conforming, I guess. But it has been a great journey and every single day that I spend with little Danson teaches me more about life than any form of media or entertainment that's available these days."
Advice from experience
Suanne is now in a happy space but it wasn’t always this way. Any advice she would like to share with our readers?
“I wouldn't say life ahead is going to be blooming. There are many chapters in life, I have been through one of my darkest chapters.
I have learnt to banish self-pity along the way, to deal with pain one step at a time. Life is never a shortcut, it's a beautiful journey. Embrace it.
It is never easy to deal with the loss of a loved one, but what matters most is how you turn your pain to strength, and use that strength to love and care for your loved ones who matter the most to you. It was my son and my beloved family who stood by me and cried with me in my darkest hours; they are the true heroes of my life.
I’m grateful and blessed for all the things I have, and the beautiful people I have met along the way."
Daniel has this to share, "Love hard and have no regrets, make peace with your past, because there's a brave new world out there. Life is better spent forging ahead then wasted looking back, because there's nothing you can change about your past.
There are always pros and cons to whatever you do in life, and not just in love and relationships. You just have to make peace with them and get really honest with yourself."
Daniel sums up with a quote by Kahlil Gibran, “Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.”
Suanne and Daniel are expecting their second son in Feb 2017. We wish them peace, good luck and lots of happiness.
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