Can you imagine being married to someone, thinking you know them through and through, only to find out that they’re possibly the worst partner you could have to start a family with?
Recently, a 32-year-old mother found out that her husband, also 32, was allegedly sexually assaulting their three young daughters.
The daughters, aged one, three and five, had complained that their father repeatedly assaulted them by inserting his fingers into their private parts.
Father detained for allegedly sexually abusing his daughters
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The mother only found about about the abuse when the three-year-old victim told her grandmother.
Kajang OCPD Asst Comm Ahmad Dzaffir Mohd Yussof said the three-year-old girl had also told the mother that their father had inserted his finger in her vagina and anus.
“That revelation led to the other girls telling their mother that they were also assaulted by their father in a similar manner,” he said. The three-year-old had initially told her grandmother about her father’s assaults a year ago, but no one believed her.
ACP Ahmad Dzaffir said the three girls had been sent to Kajang Hospital for checks.
“Doctors discovered old tears on the victims’ vaginas but there were no signs of assault on the anus,” he said.
The couple had been married for about eight years and had four children, including a seven-year-old boy.
Police arrested the father at his workplace on October 25 in Sungai Long, Malaysia.
“He was remanded. and we have since forwarded the investigations papers to the Deputy Public Prosecutor with the suggestion to charge the suspect under Section 14(a) of the Sexual Offences Against Children Act 2017,” he said.
If convicted, he can be sentenced up to 20 years in prison and whipping.
How to tell if your children are being sexually abused
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Children who are abused will likely not want to talk about it happening as they can sense that it is something to be shameful of. It could also be because their abuser is blackmailing them or brainwashing them into keeping quiet.
So how do you tell if your children are being sexually abused? Here are some signs of sexual abuse in children.
Sexual abuse in children signs:
1. Sudden changes in behaviour. If you notice your child being withdrawn, clingy, or aggressive all of a sudden, this could be a telltale sign. They might also have difficulties sleeping or start wetting the bed or getting frequent nightmares.
2. Avoiding the person abusing them. The child might start showing a dislike towards their abuser, or seem afraid of a particular person and try to avoid spending time with them.
3. Sexually inappropriate behaviour. Children who have been abused may suddenly start using sexually explicit language or displaying sexually inappropriate behaviour.
4. Giving clues. Some children may drop hints and clues that the abuse is happening. Some of them might actually even tell you outright. It is important, then, to investigate and not invalidate what your child is saying.
Sexually abused children should be allowed to seek counselling for closure or as a mechanism to help cope with the abuse. These are some of the effects on sexually abused children.
- Confusion – Often times children are groomed into thinking the assault was okay. Contrary to what most people think, not all sexual assaults end in pain. As a result, children may lose all concept of personal boundaries and be confused between the right and the wrong kind of touch. They cannot process what has happened because they do not understand. Was it really wrong? Does this make me unclean? What happens now that I’ve spoken up. What would my family and friends think of me?
- Guilt – When children are groomed they start believing they are responsible for the abuse. They falsely believe it was their fault and they contributed to the abuse and allowed themselves to be sexually assaulted.
Shame – Even if children may not fully comprehend what is going on, the ordeal can still make them feel worthless or tainted.
- Fear – Abusers always use threats and shame to keep children from telling other people about their abuse. Sadly, it will be many years before they start feeling safe.
- Grief – If the abuser was a family or relative, children may end up mourning the loss of the relationship. Yes, close bonds can happen between the abuser and the victim.
- Anger – Some children may show intense and uncontrollable anger. Unable to voice out anything about the abuse, they may blame caregivers for not stopping or protecting them from the abuse.
- Helplessness – Likewise when it takes many years to get over an abuse, it also means years of helplessness for the victim. What if it happens again?
- Depression – When a child’s mental state is not dealt with, they may become reclusive and lose all interest in life.
Read also: Abused children carry lifelong “scars” of trauma in DNA: study
