A secretly gay dad, who is the father of a 5-year-old girl, shared his experience of having an affair with a man.
In this article, you’ll read:
- A married man with a five-year-old daughter had an affair with a man
- Telling the truth: “it’s either the lie or never seeing my daughter again.”
Jess Quek’s ‘My Secret Baby’ made me realise that nobody is spared from the dark, cursed realm of secrets. Once I read the confession, I was inspired to share my little secret with you, my fellow theAsianparent reader.
“While we are made victims of our own secrets, the pleasure derived is too intense to break.”
I am a married secretly gay dad of a beautiful 5-year-old girl. My lovely wife is one of the most caring people I know. However, I have a boyfriend who loves me in a way that I’ve never known possible. We have been together for three years now.
Living as a Secretly Gay Dad
“Which lie am I living?” I asked myself. “Am I afraid to come out?”
I am a gay man.
I was born into an upper-middle-class Chinese family and the first heir after a drought of males for 30 years. Everybody rejoiced over my birth; that is why I did not consider coming out even for a split second. I never broke my silence to the truth to the family.
My 83-year-old mum will never recover from such a shock if I tell the truth. Meanwhile, my father, who had already passed away, would have probably hidden in shame once he found out about my real identity.
Homosexuality is not a choice
Homosexuality is not a choice; I would never choose it if it were.
My wife attends to my every need, while my daughter thinks of me as her superhero. Aside from that, my relatives look up to me and seek my advice over family squabbles or financial issues.
“If I were to ever reveal the truth, everything would come crashing down.”
I don’t want to say that I’m not proud of my partner, Michael. However, forever losing custody of my little daughter bothers me more.
I am gay and my wife and kids don’t know it. | Image Source: Shutterstock
How it all started
Michael and I met on a flight back from Frankfurt. He was attending on that flight. That was when the conversation between us started.
Back then, we casually talk about our interest in men’s wear. Perhaps, that very moment was the first clue to both of us about each other. I don’t think that many men usually talk about fashion when they have just met.
We did not mention anything related to homosexuality. However, we were able to exchange numbers for the name of building networks.
Everything started with just “innocently” forwarding emails about clothing store discounts. Eventually, it grew into meet-ups for further chats about fashion and labels.
One day, I let it slip, perhaps not too innocently, that I found men interesting. Michael was smart enough to pick up my underlying intention and invited me home.
The relationship we started three years ago is still going strong.
Image Source: Shutterstock
We managed to work things out while fulfilling family responsibilities
Michael flies an average of three flights a week. We cannot see each other as much as I would like to. We have no issue with the fact that I am a married man and have a child.
Fortunately, we were able to manage to work things out. We showed how much we care for each other while I gave importance to my responsibility as a husband and a father.
Michael’s family also does not have an idea about his real identity too. They do not know that he is gay like me. He lived alone in an apartment near the airport. This makes it easier for us to meet without anyone else being the wiser.
I am gay and my wife and kids don’t know it. | Image Source: Shutterstock
Reading your comments from ‘My Secret Baby’ as you thrashed Jess for her life choice, I’m sure you’ll do the same to me. However, it would be best if you also remembered that it is easy to live happily with your family. Not everybody is lucky that way, but we don’t do things to make ourselves unhappy.
“Sometimes circumstances are brick walls that we have built ourselves in order for everyone else around us to be happy while we make sacrifices, or in my case, live a life of secrets.”
Are you wondering if I will continue living this lie? Well, I won’t. Perhaps one day, I will be able to tell my dear wife and daughter the truth once she grows up. It feels horrible doing this to my wife, but it’s either the lie or never seeing my daughter again.
Editor’s Note: Names have been changed to protect the identity of the writer.
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Raising a gay child the right way: A mother’s story
