Is there a secret to raising resilient children? Is there a formula of some sort?
Picture this: life is like a rollercoaster ride, full of ups and downs, twists and turns. And as parents, we want to equip our little ones with the skills to navigate those ups and downs like champions. So, is there a secret to raising a resilient kid?
At the recently concluded Singapore Parenting Festival 2023, parents attended a highly informative and engaging webinar entitled, Raise Resilient Children with 5Cs: Confidence, Connection, Character, Coping and Control, featuring two child experts in the country.
Featuring Cheryl Ann Chan, Senior Programme Manager at PlayFACTO School and Alvina Chin, Family Life Educator at Mums for Life, this session explored practical strategies and tips for parents to help their children develop these essential attributes, paving the way for a brighter and more successful future.
The event was a great success, and parents left the webinar feeling empowered and equipped with practical skills to raise resilient and successful children.
How to Raise Resilient Children
With the ever-changing and challenging world that children are growing up in today, it is crucial to equip them with the necessary tools to navigate and thrive in their environment. That’s where resilience comes in.
By definition, resilience is the ability to adapt and flourish in spite of headwinds and difficulties. Simply put, it’s the ability to adapt to changes and bounce back from a challenging or discouraging situation. But the question all of us ask ourselves is, when should we start teaching our children resilience?
When to Start Teaching Your Child Resilience
According to Cheryl Ann Chan, Senior Programme Manager at PlayFACTO School, from the moment that your child starts experiencing the world on their own, and making independent decisions, you should already start teaching them about resilience. Why? Because resilience comes from a child’s own decision point.
So the next question is HOW. As a parent myself, I know how challenging it can be to raise a child, let alone a resilient one. But the child experts prove that it can be done, using a framework called the 5 Cs, which were discussed in the said seminar.
Resilience Framework: the 5Cs
“Research has shown repeatedly that resilience is a skill that we can learn. And it’s a tool we can use to overcome challenges,” said Cheryl Ann.
In the webinar, she walked us through five important points that we need to remember in raising a resilient child. To raise resilient children, we must remember the 5Cs:
It starts with what was already mentioned – a belief in your child’s abilities. Then if we already know that they are capable and they can surpass these struggles, we give them these opportunities to experience success.
We support their confidence by encouraging them and giving positive feedback.
Alvina Chin related an incident that happened when her child was being bullied in school. Her child relayed what was happening to her, and instead of going full Tiger mum mode, she asked her child, “So what are you going to do about it?”
“So he started telling me all these things that he was planning to do, and I thought, pretty solid plan, you know, and I say, ‘Yeah, I think that’s a pretty good plan, go for it.’
But I also remember to tell him, ‘But at any point, if you find that your plan is not working the way you want it to and you need me to step in, just let me know. I am ready.’” she shared.
Note that the child expert did not swoop in to solve her child’s problem. Instead, she reminded him that in any case that he would need her to step in, she would be ready to do so. It shows the relationship she has with her child – one that is based on trust.
Helping our children build deep and meaningful connections is key to helping them build resilience. You could strengthen your connection with your children by having regular and constant check-ins with them every day.
“Where children are concerned, quality beats quantity. 10 minutes of focused, undistracted attention every day can make a huge difference. This could mean involving them in interest groups, the communities outside of the classrooms and immediate families.
Providing ample opportunities for them to form close relationships with the wider community will help our children cultivate resilience and sensitivity,” shared Cheryl Ann.
It’s all about teaching our children right from wrong. Your child’s character shapes their identity. It determines their thoughts, their words and deeds. Strong traits like perseverance, empathy, and integrity can be the tools to help your children navigate life’s challenges with grace and resilience.
How do you do this, instil a solid set of morals and values in your children, you ask. The shortest and simplest answer would be to model this to them.
“A more comprehensive answer would be to turn errors that they make into learning opportunities through reflection.
It is very important to note though, that the presence of fear of punishment will trigger the release of stress hormones that will impede learning new behaviour,” reminded Cheryl Ann.
And how do we make sure that our children are not traumatised by these challenging situations?
Do you have a child who frequently goes into emotional meltdowns? Many children go into meltdowns when they are unable to identify and express what they feel inside. This leads their emotions to just bubble and then erupt like a volcano. That’s why meltdowns occur.
Teaching your child coping skills like deep breathing or accessing a feelings wheel can help them identify and express their emotions freely, and have a healthy response to it.
This is developed when your child understands the impact of his or her own decisions. Giving them a sense of control can help them feel more empowered and more resilient.
So while our instincts to protect our children are very strong, giving them opportunities to make choices and take ownership of their own lives will lead to a more resilient child.
This might include a somewhat painful and difficult process of having to watch them work through or even suffer some consequences of their own choices.
These things are easier said than done, but remember that raising a resilient child is not a journey, but it’s a destination and it takes a process.
Raising resilient children is undoubtedly a formidable task, demanding patience, dedication, and unwavering support. But seeing your child bravely face the challenges ahead of them and rising from failure is definitely worth all our efforts.
So let’s stay courageous so we may also raise brave and resilient children. Rooting for you, mums and dads!
Image Source: iStock
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