The birth of your baby is also your birth as a mother or father. You accept this privilege and responsibility as you nurture a new life into this world. But more often than not, it also brings that incessant question from relatives and well-wishers, “When are you having the next one?” As much as you want, there’s no satisfying answer to this, is there?
However, planning for another one brings up so many more questions into play. When should you have another baby? Are you ready to have another one? How will it affect the older child? There’s also the question of planning your finances with two children.
Pros And Cons Of Having A Second Child: All You Need To Know
If you are looking to expand the family, assess the pros and cons of having a second child. And we’ve tried to answer those questions that are running through your mind right now.
1. Will we be able to handle two babies at one time?
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The only way to get around after having a second child is getting yourself organised before the baby is born. The first six to eight weeks post-birth are particularly demanding. You will be spending a lot of time feeding and sleeping according to the second baby’s schedule, while also addressing the older child’s needs.
However, do remember that you did do it the first time and the second baby is just a reassurance that you can do it again. You may be rusty about things like a diaper change, breastfeeding, handling illnesses, and more. But as you spend more time with the baby, it will come back to you.
It’s also important that your partner is extremely supportive during this period, which will make your life much easier, especially with the older child.
2. What age-gap will bring the children closer?
According to the National Childbirth Trust UK, the ideal gap between two children is said to be four years. Although this isn’t a rule per se, and you can even have children two years apart, but that does bring several complications for the mother.
Instead, a four-year gap has the lowest risk of having preterm birth and a low birth weight baby. It will also give your body enough time to recuperate after the first one and ensure that you are physically ready.
Four years is also a time short enough for you to not forget all that knowledge acquired during the first pregnancy. Moreover, you can still re-use a lot of equipment for the second baby including the crib, stroller, bassinets, feeding chair, car seat, toys, clothes and more.
Siblings with a lower age gap are likely to share more interests and bond while growing up. This has more to do with facing a similar environment, a similar circle of friends and also finding the same likes and dislikes. However, this also means that you will end up spending twice as much on everything right from schooling, college tuition, toys, gifts and more.
For parents that choose to have kids with a gap of four to seven years, the older sibling also becomes the third parent at times to the younger one. The initial years may not see the children bond at all due to the age gap. However, they are often found to be closer as they get older.
3. Do we want to start all over again?
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For better or worse, this is both good and bad for most parents. Looking at the positives, motherhood or parenthood at large is a beautiful feeling.
From the excitement of having created something so beautiful, to their first walk, first smile and first word, everything becomes twice as special with the second baby.
Mothers release the oxytocin hormone, also known as the bonding hormone, which plays an important role in social bonding, reproduction, and childbirth, in the period after the delivery of the baby.
However, pregnancy also brings with it morning sickness, haemorrhoids and backache. Then there are the sleepless nights, endless breastfeeding and perpetual exhaustion. At the end of the day, are you ready to overcome the hurdles for that feeling?
4. Am I physically ready to go through a new pregnancy?
Planning a second baby isn’t just about getting the finances right or preparing the older child for a life-altering decision. You first need to check if you as a mother are physically and emotionally ready to birth a second baby.
You are susceptible to having more complications during the birth of the second child if it’s a short median between the two children. Your body needs time to cope up, which also depends on the kind of recovery you’ve had after the first pregnancy.
For mothers who’ve had a C-section, the sheer pain and discomfort in the weeks after childbirth can be a big no-no for the second baby. This along with late-night feeding sessions, haywire sleeping patterns and lack of rest, can make for a difficult phase.
Some mothers are also concerned about showing the same love and concern for the second baby as much as they have for the first. Your second child will be as much as a bundle of joy and give you the same beautiful feeling – oxytocins – as the first pregnancy did.
It’s said that a parent’s love only doubles with the second child, and that’s a good thing for both children.
At the same time, it’s important that you keep a tab on your mental health during the post-pregnancy period. Mothers tend to have feelings of depression or “baby blues” that can last a few weeks after delivery.
However, postpartum depression is a serious issue that needs medical intervention and help from a psychiatrist. If you feel anxious, depressed or just sad, and have thoughts about harming yourself or the baby, it’s important you speak to your partner and your doctor.
5. What about us after the second baby?
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Raising a child can be difficult but raising two can get overwhelming. As parents, the most time you will be spending together would be around the baby. Slowly, all your conversations, agreements and disagreements will be centred around the children. It’s important to find the time and reconnect with your partner as an individual instead of as a parent.
There will be times when you will rarely find time to spend with your partner. It will only increase that way as the children get older. Go out on a date or plan a short weekend together, leaving the kids with the grandparents or daycare.
While your maternal instincts will kick-in during this period, you do need some “me” time to rejuvenate. You will come back much stronger in your relationship and ready to handle the responsibilities with twice the vigour.
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