X
theAsianparent Logo
theAsianparent Logo
Product GuideSign in
  • Awards
    • Parents' Choice Awards 2023
  • Pregnancy
    • Due date calculator
    • I'm pregnant
    • Trying To Conceive
    • Labour
    • After birth
    • Baby loss
  • Parenting
    • Parent's Guide
    • Relationship & Sex
  • Child
    • Newborn
    • Baby
    • Toddler
    • Pre-Schooler
    • Kid
    • Pre-Teen & Teen
  • Feeding & Nutrition
    • Diseases-Injuries
    • Breastfeeding & Formula
    • Meal Planner
    • Health
    • Allergies & Conditions
    • Vaccinations
  • Education
    • Pre-School
    • Primary School
    • Secondary School
    • Primary School Directory
  • Lifestyle
    • Money
    • Travel & Leisure
    • Fashion
    • Home
    • Fitness
    • Contests & promotions
  • News
    • International
    • Health
    • Celebrity
    • Singapore
  • TAP Recommends
  • Shopping
  • Press Releases
  • Project Sidekicks
  • Community
  • Advertise With Us
  • Contact Us
  • Become A Contributor
  • VIP

Should we be praising kids?

4 min read
Should we be praising kids?

We all praise our children when they do well. But by over-praising, are we doing them more harm than good? Find out the differences between 'praising' and 'encouraging' and what works better for children. Keep reading!

Whenever your child cleans up his room or finishes his food, you praise him, “Good job!” You might think that praising is an effective tool to build self-esteem in your child.

However, recent studies show that praising kids can be somewhat counter-productive. This is because children learn to “perform” for what they think others expect of them, rather than for their own satisfaction.

praise or encourage our children

Praise or encourage our children…what’s better?

Is praising a double-edged sword?

The risk with continuous praising or over-praising is that children begin to expect constant acknowledgement, and may get alarmed when they don’t get it. As a result, they come to rely on external praise rather than develop internal motivation or confidence in their emerging abilities. They no longer do things because they should or they can, instead do them to gain adult’s recognition.

In order to obtain praises from adults, children tend to avoid anything they can’t or won’t get ‘right’. This is not so desirable as children learn through discovery and exploration of which trial and error and risk-taking are critical elements.

When they only define their behaviour as ‘good’ when they get good grades, through winning, or anytime they receive praise, they may feel less competent or worthy when these things are absent in the real world.

Encouragement vs praise

Although praising our kids has become second nature to most of us, learning to encourage children rather than just praise is the better way forward. Encouragement forms bonds, understanding and acceptance that is needed for healthy and happy children.

Children who receive encouragement are also proven to be more resilient, self-confident and independent. Through encouragement, they tend to focus on their efforts, and believe they can change their circumstances through determination or learning, hence they are not as shaken by adversity.

praise or encourage our children

Should we praise or encourage our children?

More on the next page…

praise or encourage our children

Encouraging our kids teaches them how to keep trying and not give up

So do we praise or encourage our children?

We should certainly not stop praising our children. But when we do praise them, it should be genuine: praise that is specific (i.e. “That was very kind of you to clean up your toys without being reminded”) rather than generic (i.e. “You are wonderful”). Praise should be focused on behavior (i.e. “You came up with a very creative solution”) rather than the person (i.e. “You are so smart”).

This is also known as  “descriptive recognition,” giving a more precise description of what you wish to encourage, rather than merely praising.

One of the main differences between praise and encouragement is that praise often comes paired with a judgment or evaluation, such as “best” or “good”. Encouragement, on the other hand, allows children to become self-motivated, and focused on following their own interests.

praise or encourage our children

Knowing the differences between ‘praise’ and ‘encouragement’ will help you motivate your child

Here are some of the main differences between praise and encouragement:

  • Praise builds false self-esteem (i.e. “I am so smart. I can do anything”) but Encouragement builds determination and confidence (i.e. “I have the ability to do many things if I work hard”).
  • Encouragement promotes perseverance rather than giving up if a child doesn’t initially achieve the success he expected.
  • Praise emphasizes results or outcome but encouragement acknowledges the child’s effort, progress, and improvement.
  • Praise places emphasis on the global evaluation of the person (“You are better than others.”) but encouragement places emphasis on specific contributions (”You have helped in this way.”)

So the next time you wish to compliment your child for a job well done, think of how you could offer words of encouragement instead. Your child will definitely feel proud of himself, and more motivated to do better the next time.

Partner Stories
Great ideas for gifts for Chinese New Year 2023!
Great ideas for gifts for Chinese New Year 2023!
Learn Tech and Media Skills, Gain Industry Exposure and Build a Portfolio. Here’s How Your Child Can Benefit from an Infocomm or Media CCA!
Learn Tech and Media Skills, Gain Industry Exposure and Build a Portfolio. Here’s How Your Child Can Benefit from an Infocomm or Media CCA!
Korean Stars Take Center Stage at Disney Content Showcase in Singapore
Korean Stars Take Center Stage at Disney Content Showcase in Singapore
Health is Your Greatest Wealth. Learn How Your CPF Savings Can Safeguard Your Healthcare Needs and Provide Peace of Mind
Health is Your Greatest Wealth. Learn How Your CPF Savings Can Safeguard Your Healthcare Needs and Provide Peace of Mind

Do you praise, or do you encourage your child/ren? Let us know what works for you and why by leaving a comment.

Got a parenting concern? Read articles or ask away and get instant answers on our app. Download theAsianparent Community on iOS or Android now!

img
Written by

samanthabek

  • Home
  • /
  • Pre-teen & Teen
  • /
  • Should we be praising kids?
Share:
  • 30 Ways to Praise Your Child Without Saying 'Good Job'

    30 Ways to Praise Your Child Without Saying 'Good Job'

  • Build positivity in children - Dolphin parenting vs. tiger parenting

    Build positivity in children - Dolphin parenting vs. tiger parenting

  • I Try Tracy Lee's Hack for Egg Tarts and It's So Easy That Even Kids Can Make it

    I Try Tracy Lee's Hack for Egg Tarts and It's So Easy That Even Kids Can Make it

  • ‘You Will Always Be a Part of Us’: Singaporean Family Gives Helper of 20 Years ‘Long Service Award’

    ‘You Will Always Be a Part of Us’: Singaporean Family Gives Helper of 20 Years ‘Long Service Award’

  • 30 Ways to Praise Your Child Without Saying 'Good Job'

    30 Ways to Praise Your Child Without Saying 'Good Job'

  • Build positivity in children - Dolphin parenting vs. tiger parenting

    Build positivity in children - Dolphin parenting vs. tiger parenting

  • I Try Tracy Lee's Hack for Egg Tarts and It's So Easy That Even Kids Can Make it

    I Try Tracy Lee's Hack for Egg Tarts and It's So Easy That Even Kids Can Make it

  • ‘You Will Always Be a Part of Us’: Singaporean Family Gives Helper of 20 Years ‘Long Service Award’

    ‘You Will Always Be a Part of Us’: Singaporean Family Gives Helper of 20 Years ‘Long Service Award’

Get advice on your pregnancy and growing baby. Sign up for our newsletter
  • Pregnancy
    • Baby
    • Education
    • Events
    • Allergies & Conditions
  • Family Occasions
    • Breastfeeding & Formula
    • Child Safety
    • Health
    • Diseases-Injuries
  • Lifestyle
    • Home
    • Money
    • Feeding & Nutrition
    • Diet & Weightloss
  • Normal Delivery
    • Cesarean Delivery
    • Behaviour
    • Secondary School
    • Formula Feeding
  • Ages & Stages
    • Latching & Concerns
    • Festivals & Holidays
    • Education
    • Pre-teen & Teen
  • More
    • TAP Community
    • Advertise With Us
    • Contact Us
    • Become a Contributor


  • Singapore flag Singapore
  • Thailand flag Thailand
  • Indonesia flag Indonesia
  • Philippines flag Philippines
  • Malaysia flag Malaysia
  • Sri-Lanka flag Sri Lanka
  • India flag India
  • Vietnam flag Vietnam
  • Australia flag Australia
  • Japan flag Japan
  • Nigeria flag Nigeria
  • Kenya flag Kenya
© Copyright theAsianparent 2023. All rights reserved
About Us|Team|Privacy Policy|Terms of Use |Sitemap HTML
  • Tools
  • Articles
  • Feed
  • Poll

We use cookies to ensure you get the best experience. Learn MoreOk, Got it

We use cookies to ensure you get the best experience. Learn MoreOk, Got it

theAsianparent heart icon
We’d like to send you notifications for the latest news and updates on baby care and health.