No energy and no time for sex. Who can relate? Read this mum's story on how their sex life dwindled after having kids.
In this article, you'll read:
- No time for sex: from 4 times daily to 4 times a month
- Her realisations after sitting on the problem
Maybe a lot of people can relate to my situation at present. After a few years with my partner, a lot has changed in our relationship.
I met my live-in partner 10 years ago - handsome, charismatic, and he takes really good care of me. Plus, a ton of women used to chase after him. We were dating on and off until we got back together and decided to get serious in 2018.
That year, I also got pregnant. We were so happy being together every day. We had our own business that’s why we had a lot of free time. Even when I was pregnant, we still had lots of intimate moments.
Then the year 2020 came and we both became so busy. We needed to work hard to provide for our child. Hustle here, hustle there. Before 2020 ended, we were faced with major financial trials.
No time for sex
Image source: iStock
December that year, I got pregnant again. The pressure grew for us to provide a good life for our kids. He became a service driver then and I was into online selling. I was busy looking for supplies to sell whilst taking care of our firstborn and also taking care of myself while pregnant.
I gave birth to my second child in August 2021. After having our baby, I definitely felt that we needed to work harder for our growing family. From early morning to late at night, we extended all our efforts in finding more jobs.
Then I realised and thought to myself, “Hey, something’s wrong.” I noticed that we do not talk that much anymore. It was as if we were strangers to each other. Yes, we both lived under one roof, but we were not communicating as much as before.
One night, while we were both stressed attending to our kids’ needs, out of exhaustion, we both fell on the sofa and laughed.
“If the kids weren’t around yet, we would probably be sleeping already” he joked. I suddenly felt his exhaustion from all his efforts for our family.
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Again, I noticed that we don’t talk very often after having the kids and sex has become so seldom. The fire that attracted us towards each other has slowly waned. We have gone cold towards each other.
Does that mean our love for each other was gone? Has the flame between us died?
One night, while the kids and my husband were asleep, I was left wide-eyed and thinking, “Who is really at fault here?” Am I ugly now? Is he having an affair?"
Those thoughts also made me realise some things. Like, why do I keep arguing with him even though he’s not doing anything wrong? I know deep inside he also misses how we were before we had children. Those days when we had all our time to ourselves.
I must say, he still takes care of me especially when I am ill. Nothing changed about him or with our relationship. We just have more responsibilities now that we are parents.
Photo from Shutterstock
I realised that having an active or inactive sex life is not the basis of someone’s love. What is more important is the way he expresses his love in other ways.
It's also wrong to find what’s lacking in your relationship by looking for it somewhere else - on in someone else. Instead, you should talk it out as a couple and work on finding a solution together.
Most important of all, you and your partner should be willing to fix things; to go back to how they were before. Not everything will be the same, of course, because you are now living different lives. What matters is that you still have the utmost respect for each other and will work on your issues together for the good of your family.
Translated with permission from theAsianparent Philippines.
