'You never get over it...': Kym Marsh on losing son to stillbirth
When Kym Marsh re-enacted the part of a mum grieving the loss of her stillborn baby, she was really reliving the pain she went through.
When Coronation Street star Kym Marsh was told about a scene that will require her to enact a stillbirth on screen, she didn’t flinch. According to this report, Kym felt it would be the "best way to honour" the baby she lost in real life.
40-year-old Kym had lost her own baby, Archie, eight years ago. “My gut instinct was to do this because, I felt, what better way to raise awareness of this subject, and also to honour my son?” said Kym. In the episode, Michelle Connor, the character that Kym plays, goes into premature labour resulting in stillbirth of the baby.
Incidentally, Simon Gregson , who plays Kym’s partner in the show, has also experienced a similar loss. He revealed that he has lost 11 babies with his wife, the first one at 21 weeks and four days. According to this report, Simon has tweeted that, "Men and women grieve differently... we decided to let Michelle show the raw emotion, but Steve's grief will come later."
Losing ones baby to stillbirth, or any other condition, can be quite traumatic. To cope with the loss of a baby, one needs to have the right kind of support.
Know someone who has recently gone through this trauma? To help them cope with the pain of stillbirth, continue reading.
No guide can prepare you to face the loss of a baby, irrespective of his age or the reason behind his demise. The pain is unfathomable and clearly, there is no time-limit to get over the loss. Like Kym said, it’s a loss one can never get over. It’s a void that one can only get used to. Here are some pointers that may help you help a parent grieving the loss of there baby to stillbirth:
- Acknowledge your feelings: Feeling angry? Sad? Scared? Acknowledge it. There is no point being in a state of denial. Don’t bottle up your emotions.
- There is no set time period to get over grieving: You may take longer than your partner to get over the loss of your child. That doesn’t make you overtly-sensitive, and neither does it mean that your partner is insensitive. Neither are there any steps to be followed. You may feel fine the first week, however the following week could be mighty painful. It could go the other way round. Just know that it’s okay to feel so.
- Skip work. Or maybe not: For some, taking time off work is therapeutic. For some, it’s a nightmare. Having all the time to themselves makes them relive the loss every moment. Be your own boss and decide what works for you. It’s okay either ways.
- Avoid making important decisions: When something goes wrong, we tend to associate our surroundings, people or things with the tragedy. It’s an irrational fear, however, it does crop up for some. Avoid making big (possibly hasty) decisions like selling your house, separating from your partner, or leaving your job. Wait till you feel you are looking at things slightly more objectively.
- Don’t be too hard on yourself: You may feel responsible for what happened with your baby. You may feel like you could have avoided the loss. You may blame yourself for the grief caused to your family. Resist that urge and be a bit kinder to yourself. Certain things are beyond human intervention.
It is something that shouldn’t have happened. But it has. there’s no ignoring that fact. Be gentle on yourself, get plenty of sleep, eat to keep your energy levels from dipping, stay hydrated and if you feel this is not something you can cope on your own, meet a therapist or a grief counsellor.