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Mums demystify fears of having a second baby

15 Aug, 2014
 

 

Mummy, have you always loved the idea of having more than one child? But are things going so well with baby no. 1 now, that you are actually wondering if having baby no. 2 is even a good idea?

The truth is, even if you are currently pregnant, at times you may find yourself worrying if your life is about to do a downward spiral after you pop out baby no. 2.

Well, you are not alone — many mums go through this thought process. Just like you, they have anxieties about the different aspects of having a second child.

Before I had my second child, I, too, worried about so many things. When I was pregnant, there were times when I found myself on the brink of tears — worrying about issues like how I could possibly love another child as much as my first.

Thankfully (and obviously) I am not the first mum to have a second child! So I turned to my friends with multiple kids for comfort.

That’s what I’m offering to you as well — comfort in the form of advice from fellow mums who, like you, had many fears before having baby no. 2.

Can I manage 2 kids?

Can I manage 2 kids?

"I have 3 boys! When I had my first baby, I was so in love I couldn't wait to have a second. 2 years after I had my first baby, I had baby no. 2 — and it was another boy!

"My mum was able to help me out with the 2 boys. 3 adults handling 2 children was manageable and we could still have holidays as a family.

"Now I have baby no. 3 — yet another boy. But I don’t regret anything!" — Devonna, mum of 3

Another mum had this to say:

"In my opinion keeping the age gap close (at most 2 years) makes it easier to handle both together. Having family to help out gives you and your husband time to spend together.

"I grew up with 3 siblings and it was awesome and even now we know we have each other's backs, so I know my kids will also have each other to depend on when I’m gone." — Michelle

Another mum, Shanti, had this to say:

"Remember when baby no. 2 arrives you have already gained so much experience handling baby no. 1. So feeding, diapering and everything else will be so much easier!" — Shanti, mum of 2

One more mum had this to say:

"I was worried I wouldn’t remember what to do as my firstborn was out of nappies and more independent. But everything was OK, as us mums just have to get on with it and it all comes flooding back. Just go with instinct!" — Upsala, mum of 2

How will I split my time?

How will I split my time?

"My biggest fear was how I was going to split my time between the 2 kids, giving each one the best. The thing is, you get even better at juggling and time management, while also learning to compromise (and live with minimum sleep!)." — Dana, mum of 2

Will I love baby no. 2 as much as baby no. 1?

Will I love baby no. 2 as much as baby no. 1?

"You will learn that your capacity to love is endless and you love your second child as much as the first." — Dana, mum of 2

"I thought my love was only enough for 1 kid until my 2nd one came along. I’ve never regretted it. My 2 little ones are my greatest joy." — Amy, mum of 2

Will I neglect my firstborn?

Will I neglect my firstborn?

"I was worried that I wouldn't have enough time for my firstborn, given that he was still very young when I found out I was pregnant with baby no. 2.

"After having baby no. 2 though, I slowly fell into a routine which let me dedicate equal amounts of time (and love!) to both my boys." — Nalika, mum of 2

"When I was pregnant with my second, I resented the fact that I was pregnant because it meant it was the end of my 'special' time with my firstborn and I was feeling very conflicted inside. I felt guilty mostly.

"But one mum told me, you will love your children all the same and it made me feel better.

"I told myself it was just the pregnancy hormones working and it was true! When baby came along, things were nice.

"The first few months were easy because babies don't require much attention and if you can get help with baby you should definitely take it and spend as much time with [your] firstborn to ensure him/her that mummy is still there." — Amanda, mum of 2

Will my firstborn be jealous of baby no. 2?

Will my firstborn be jealous of baby no. 2?

"My biggest fear was that her older brother would feel 'neglected' or even 'jealous' of her... but it soon disappeared when I saw how much my firstborn adored his little sister!" — Tina, mum of 3

"It’s good to be prepared for some drama from your firstborn. It could be challenging for the first year." — Nony

"As kids grow older, sibling rivalry is very real and difficult to manage as both of them require equal attention. So I sent my elder daughter for a few hours of school in the morning to ensure that baby has some alone time with me in the morning." — Amanda, mum of 2

Will any of baby no. 2’s ‘firsts’ be as exciting as baby no. 1’s?

Will any of baby no. 2’s ‘firsts’ be as exciting as baby no. 1’s?

"We documented every single thing our firstborn did. From her first smile to her first step and everything in between [all of it] was photographed and documented, and I felt nothing would ever be as exciting as this.

"But I was SO wrong. After my son arrived, I soon realised that his ‘firsts’ were as exciting as my firstborn’s. Why?

"Because the two of them are so different and didn’t do anything in the same way or order as the other! They are uniquely different!" — Shanti, mum of 2

My firstborn is still breastfeeding. Will that be a problem?

My firstborn is still breastfeeding. Will that be a problem?

"I was still breastfeeding my firstborn when I found out I was pregnant again, and was anxious about whether I would be able to continue breastfeeding him into my pregnancy.

"Breastfeeding wasn't a problem though because my firstborn self-weaned off the breast when I was about 7 months pregnant." — Nalika, mum of 2

Will I be able to give my second baby any attention?

Will I be able to give my second baby any attention?

"I know everyone says to shower all your attention on your firstborn. I agree with this in part.

"I did spend quality time with my firstborn, but I also made it a point to spend most of my time with my new baby when my firstborn was in school. I loved that bonding time with my baby no. 2." — Grace, mum of 2

I waited a while before having baby no. 2. Did I wait too long?

I waited a while before having baby no. 2. Did I wait too long?

"We were on the fence about having another baby after 7 years.

"I think our biggest fear was that the kids won't be close because of the big age gap and there was also a little hesitancy about going back to the infant stage that we had so happily put behind us!

"Having the baby has been so amazing. It’s definitely easier and a lot more fun this time around.

"My older daughter has been a wonderful little helper and adores her baby sister.

"Before the baby was born, she used to fuss about coming home after a play date with her friends or cousins, and now the girls love hanging out together and playing at home!

"We are so glad that we made the effort to have no. 2 even after so long!" — Angela, mum of 2

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Written by

Minoli Almeida

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