The topic of rape has gotten extensive attention worldwide since the brutal Delhi gang rape and murder last December. But there is a much darker rape that is seldom discussed or alluded to, that being rape by a family member.
This was the taboo subject discussed of a special feature on young victims sexually abused by members of their own family in Malaysia’s Metro Ahad last Sunday.
Father's love crosses the line
One of the victims that the paper spoke to was Harlina* who was raped by her own father. According to a report in The Star, Malaysia, Harlina’s mother died when she was only 13 and her father started getting extra loving and caring, promising to “love and care for her as she looked so much like her mum.”
However, that fatherly love crossed the line a few months later when he allegedly lured her into his bed and raped her.
A father’s loss
According to the victim, her father had often confided in her that he did not want any other woman after her mother died and it seemed as if he could not accept the loss of his wife. However, that was no justification for him to take advantage of his daughters.
Harlina seemed to understand that when she said, “I have seen him talking to himself, like he was having a conversation with my mother. He may have loved her a lot, but I became his victim.”
Not the only victim
It was not known how many times her father sexually abused her but Harlina finally found the courage and strength to do something when she saw her father starting to molest her younger sister who is now seven.
She eventually confided in an aunt who reported the matter to the police who swiftly took action.
Love and hate
Harlina displays the conflicted emotions that is a symptom of those who have been abused by someone close to them. She says, “I love my father but, at the same time, I really hate him. It is difficult for me to accept what had happened.”
Don't suffer in silence
While Harlina found the courage to tell someone and stop the abuse happening to her and her sister, there are many children out there who are still suffering in silence. Here are some ways you can help an abused child who confides in you.
1. Be calm
Don't react with anger or tears as it might indicate to the child that you are angry or disappointed in them.
2. Be reassuring
Reassure the child that they did the right thing in telling you and provide support by listening and comforting them.
3. Believe them
Let the child know that you believe and take seriously whatever they are telling you.
4. Never blame them
Don't ever make the child think that what happened was their fault in any way.
5. Get medical help
Sometimes the injuries sustained in sexual abuse is internal so go with the child to a doctor to get them checked.
*names have been changed to protect the victim's identity.
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Here are some related articles on abuse:
Questions to ask your angry child
Emotionally abusing your kids
Talk to your child about tough issues
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