Good early morning from wherever you are. It’s been a freezing, miserable night for everyone of us and my employees John and Michele are still huddled under four layers in bed, exhausted from a night of changing, feeding and settling.
Thankfully I managed to sneak out of my bed and away from employee Michele’s bosoms to update you on my little life. Employee John forgot to turn the computer off so here I am, sitting in my oversized office chair with my legs hanging two feet off the cold floorboards.
Wait what’s that? How did I get up the chair? Shhhh…it’s a secret. If I told you, I’d have to kill you. Remember, I am the CEO of Home and nobody questions the CEO! Muahahaha…
This fortnight, I wish to talk about I, Me and Myself. You see, I’ve discovered a big new world outside the confines of my periphery vision and I am just beginning to realize how bright, loud and colourful everything is.
I’ve also discovered my employees John and Michele are just like me, with needs and wants. They also have feelings and emotions. Last week, I very nearly brought them to tears as I have been very demanding on them. Exhausted and irritable, I overheard them venting their frustration at one another. I’m so sorry my lovely employees, I’ll try to be a better CEO in future. Do you want a pay rise?
I’m also growing rapidly. My poos are spilling out of my Infant-sized nappy on occasional days, implying an upsize of nappy is required very soon. Which is somehow linked to larger pieces of cute apparel my employee Michele enjoys purchasing for me. She seems to take pride in dressing me up so I resemble the other employee John.
Speaking of my employee John, he appears to have some sort of speech impediment. Every day without fail, he’s been repeating the same thing over and over again. He has been at it since the last fortnight, and he hasn’t stopped since.
“I am your Dadda. She is your Mumma. You are our Bubba!”, says Mr Broken Record.
I will have to find out what this ‘Dadda and Mumma’ business is. It’s getting really annoying. Looks like I might have to seek the employment of a new employee.
My hand is dwarfed by the hand of my male employee John. Will my hands really become so large in future? I like how it is now – so soft and supple!
I like mornings. That’s when I have my daily bath in warm water. It reminds me of the days I spent in a dark, cosy, watery hole for nine months. I kind of miss that. I also look forward to weekends, as my male employee John isn’t busy with work and is able to fuss over my CEO needs.
I have discovered the use of my arms. Not only are they attached to my hands (which are great for sucking on) they are also used to push myself up when I’m flipped over to the front. I’m also able to lift my head and look around. My male employee John calls it a ‘mini pushup’. I just think it’s great I don’t have to rest my head against the smooth surface. It’s cold!
I reckon I’m quite large for a CEO my age. My employees are often amazed at how big I have grown in just two months. I’d like to think it’s a mixture of good looks and great delegating skills. After all, a good CEO does no work!
It’s all a little hectic at the moment with the World Cup just around the corner. I have been busy getting all my work done to clear out my schedule just so I could watch my birth country, Australia, whoop every countries’ bottom. I’m proud to be Australian and I’ll be barracking their every pass, cross, tackle and goal scored. Big or little, you are considered un-Australian if you aren’t following the World Game this June.
Well I guess I should climb back to bed with my employees John and Michele. They’ll freak out if they wake up to find a missing CEO. Next time I see you, I’ll be reporting in the Green and Gold colours of Australia.
Go the Socceroos!
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Editor’s Note: This is part 3 of the fortnightly series.
Episode 1 – Looking Through Levi’s Eyes: The First 40 Days
Episode 2 – Looking Through Levi’s Eyes: I’m Two Months Old!
Episode 4 – Looking Through Levi’s Eyes: World Cup Fever!