Dear Mummy,
I remember the first day I saw you. It wasn’t really with my eyes because it was way before I could even see properly. It was when I was still in your tummy and you said “I love you, baby” for the first time.
I knew what you looked like then because your voice painted your picture in my heart.
Now I am three, I am a big boy now, like you tell me. But sometimes I see you looking so tired and sometimes sad, and I get very worried that I’m making you feel this way.
So mummy darling, let me try and explain as well as I can why I behave the way I do sometimes.
Do you remember the other day when we went to the mall and I cried because I wanted that really nice yellow ball with a happy face printed on it?
You may think that “cried” is an understatement because I remember you looking really embarrassed when I kind of lay down on the floor, waved my arms around and banged my feet a tiny bit.
But mummy, I just wanted to make you understand how much I wanted it and I don’t really have the words to tell you this – so I expressed my need the only way I know how.
Also, I can’t count that well so I didn’t understand what you meant when you said that I already have three at home. One can never have enough yellow happy face balls, you know Mummy.
I also cried (a lot) when you left me at home with Aunty Maya yesterday and again I knew you were not happy with me.
Mummy, it’s true I’ve known Aunty Maya ever since I was just a month old, but still, she’s not you, and when you go away I feel sad. Like the time you had to drop me at nursery and I cried (even though I really liked the place).
I didn’t cry to make you upset, promise Mummy. I just felt so sad that you were leaving me. I can’t bear to be away from you even for a short time – I don’t know why, but I just can’t help it. I think it’s because I love you so much.
This is why I smother you with kisses and hugs even when you say “enough, enough!”.
And this is why I must pinch the crook of your elbow when I’m cuddled up to you in bed because your skin is so soft and reminds me of, well, you – even in my sleep. I hope you understand, Mummy.
Now let me tell you about that time I scribbled on your favourite white tablecloth with my favourite red marker. I really didn’t mean to make you cry because I didn’t know it belonged to grandma who is now a star in the sky.
It’s just that the tablecloth was so white and it reminded me of paper and my fingers couldn’t control themselves because I really like to colour and draw. As a surprise, to say sorry, I drew a heart and a flower on that skirt you wear all the time. You’re going to be so happy when you see it – yay!
Mummy darling, when I’m bigger maybe I’ll learn how to not cry so much when I want something, or draw on things you like, or point at my brother when you wanted to know who tried to flush a balloon down the toilet, even though you caught me red-handed.
But for now, please love me this way for a bit longer. Because I love you 20 million one hundred, like I tell you all the time.
Your littlest boy
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