Watching your toddler grow and discover the world around him is a beautiful experience. Your three-year-old will find something new and exciting every day, and more often they’ll want you to address their curious concerns.
Your toddler will go through that “Why?” phase as his/her curiosity level increases. While that’s great from a development perspective, the 24×7 question and answer game can get annoying for a parent. Your child is at an age where they want to learn about the world and it’s important that they come back with a tonne of questions. It’s equally important to you keep your sanity in check in this phase.
With the kid asking why every other second, here’s how you can handle the situation constructively and make it a fun experience for your child and yourself.
Why So Many Questions?
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Your toddler’s questions can go from: “Why is the sky blue?” “Where does electricity come from?” “Why do we need to eat dinner every night?” Or, to some more hilarious ones like “Why do I need to sleep?” And this writer’s personal favourite, “What is right and left?”
Sometimes, just the barrage of questions thrown at you in an hour can get overwhelming.
According to psychotherapist Tina Payne Bryson, PhD, psychotherapist and author of The Whole-Brain Child this happens because the left-brain sees a growth spurt. This allows kids to connect the dots about the workings of the world. Dr Bryson tells Good Housekeeping, this development coincides with the toddler years and is a reflection of the curiosity that is significant for any learning to happen.
The sheer number of questions may see some pushback from your end as a parent. You may not have all the answers and sometimes there is a paucity of time that limits you from answering each one.
On such days, remember that your child has probably discovered this aspect of the world for the first time and you are the first person he/she has approached for an answer. Snapping at your children or ending the conversation with an “I don’t know” won’t help them grow.
So remember to not take it personally when your child comes back looking like a giant question mark. All you need is a little bit of patience and sometimes an internet search to keep that “best dad or mum” feeling alive.
How Should You Answer Your Kid Asking ‘Why’?
As a parent, understand which questions need to be immediately answered and which ones can wait. For instance, if your toddler asks you about the number of stars in the universe, you can ask them to wait while you count (or use Google to get a more accurate answer). That will buy you some time to complete the task at hand and spend some quality time with your child later.
On the other hand, if your child asks “why are you not spending time with me?” you will need to come up with something appropriate. This, of course, does not mean you drop everything you’re doing to cater to your child’s demand. We get it, sometimes work takes precedence, especially when there are only those 24 hours in a day.
But, you can use this opportunity to say something like “I’m sorry you feel that way,” or “I know I’ve been busy but this work is important to mama and we will play soon.”
The idea is that you do not dismiss what your child is feeling at that moment. Your toddler finds validation about life and all things in it with the questions he raises to you. When you shut your kids or simply put them off, they do lose a bit of their self-esteem in the process.
How Can I Have All The Answers?
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You cannot have all the answers and that’s all there is to it sometimes. However, what’s necessary is that you tell your children more openly about it without discouraging their questions in the future.
A smarter tactic would be to delay the answers. Dr. Bryson says that you can use delaying tactics by saying “That’s a great question – can we come back to it later?”
What you are doing is redirecting your child’s attention to something for a few minutes or hours, till you have an answer or are in a position to attend to your child’s needs. You could keep them engaged by playing a song or asking them to talk about what they learnt recently.
You could also ask about their favourite animated show and maybe to narrate the story about it. Another tactic to adopt is asking your child to draw up their own conclusion.
This is actually quite interesting since your child will now be cooking up their own explanation. Not only is it a fun activity but also intellectually stimulating for the child to explore his imaginative side.”
In today’s connected world, a smarter way for your child to get the right answer would be to take help from virtual assistant devices at home. An Amazon Alexa or a Google Home are devices that you more commonly find in Singapore homes and you can ask your toddler to redirect the question towards Alexa.
Of course, this is more of a stop-gap way to keep your little one engaged. Sometimes, your toddler’s questions can elicit some hilarious responses from the virtual assistant device, so do enjoy that too.
Ultimately Your Are Their Best Friend And Idol
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There will always be a time when the questions just won’t stop, but remember, the key to handling the situation is to have lots of patience and ensure that you keep the floor open.
If there are days where you are extremely busy, you could always seek help from the grandparent or the family friend by setting up a video call. That should take care of the questions for a while, and will help your child bond with the person on the other end of the call.
A child’s brain develops the most between the age of one and five years, and it’s in the best interest that you nurture their curiosity and willingness to learn.
It’s not like the questions, tantrums or concerns will stop at the age of five. It’s only going to get more interesting from there. But, the “Why” phase will be making way to the next one of development and that’s an all-new adventure.
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