X
theAsianparent Logo
theAsianparent Logo
Product GuideSign in
  • Pregnancy
    • Due date calculator
    • I'm pregnant
    • Trying To Conceive
    • Labour
    • After birth
    • Baby loss
  • Parenting
    • Parenting & Play by Friso
    • Parent's Guide
    • Relationship & Sex
  • Ages & Stages
    • Baby
    • Toddler
    • Pre-schooler
    • Kids
    • Pre-teen & Teen
  • Feeding & Nutrition
    • Diseases-Injuries
    • Breastfeeding & Formula
    • Meal Planner
    • Health
    • Allergies & Conditions
    • Vaccinations
  • Education
    • Pre-School
    • Primary School
    • Secondary School
    • Primary School Directory
  • Lifestyle
    • Money
    • Travel & Leisure
    • Fashion
    • Home
    • Fitness
    • Contests & promotions
  • News
    • International
    • Health
    • Celebrity
    • Singapore
  • Money Parenting
    • Tips for Parents
    • Tips for Toddlers
    • Tips for Older Kids
    • The 5 Personas
  • TAP Recommends
  • Shopping
  • Press Releases
  • Project Sidekicks
  • Community
  • Advertise With Us
  • Contact Us
  • Become A Contributor
  • VIP

How To Find The Middle Ground When The Husband Doesn't Want A Baby

6 min read
How To Find The Middle Ground When The Husband Doesn't Want A BabyHow To Find The Middle Ground When The Husband Doesn't Want A Baby

"He feels he will never want a baby, and fully knows that he might lose me because of it," the wife shared.

Your husband and you may have agreed on many things before getting married. Your house, tastes, habits and maybe even the choice of having kids in the future. You decided on everything that matters before wearing the ring. But it’s been a couple of years and you want to shake things up a bit – with a baby! 

Some would say wanting to have a baby is a natural progression to a relationship. But what happens when the wife is interested and the husband doesn’t want a baby? 

This turned out to be the concern of a Mumsnet user who wants to have kids but her husband isn’t ready yet.

I Want One But My Husband Doesn’t Want A Baby

husband doesnt want a baby

Image Source: Unsplash

The woman revealed that they both didn’t want to have kids before getting married but she’s changed over the years and now wants to have one. Her husband doesn’t want a baby, still. He’s concerned about losing his wife in the process and does not want to change what they have in the relationship.

“My husband and I have spoken about this numerous of times. I have expressed my feelings to him and he has shut me down each and every time. Saying he feels he will never want a baby, and fully knows that he might loose me because of it,” she writes.

She adds that she is turning 30 and is concerned that any further delay would be too late. She believes that the husband would make a great dad even if he doesn’t see it yet.

“I can’t blame him for this because he married me knowing I didn’t want children, but at the same time I feel if he really loved me then he would accept the fact that we can change our minds. He would be an amazing dad but he just doesn’t see it,” she adds.

Sadly, she says she is also considering separating from her husband since they both now want different things in life.

Having kids is a huge responsibility and does mean sacrificing a lot – personally, financially, and emotionally. More than that, it is the fear and self-doubt for most parents that really create the barriers. “Would I be a good father/mother?” “Will I be able to handle the child as he/she grows up?” It’s okay to doubt yourself.

But if it’s a stern no from your partner, then the problem could be more complicated. Just as is in this case.

Understanding The Husband’s Perspective

Experts suggest that voicing concerns with your husband would be the first step to understanding his perspective on having a baby. While he may have said “No” on multiple occasions, you need to understand the why behind this. 

Talking through things is usually the most effective way to identify a problem. These can’t be serious conversations that end up in arguments. But rather casual conversations about serious topics. Sometimes, your partner may need to speak to somebody less judgmental about his decision.

If the love is mutual in a relationship, he is feeling equally bad for his stance on the matter. And this may not allow him to open up freely with you about the underlying issue.

Instead, involving a therapist, counsellor or a mutual friend could yield better results. They will also be able to offer valuable advice to both of you.

Taking Responsibility For Your Actions

Couples need to understand that there are consequences for their actions. This applies whether you want or don’t want to have a baby.

Are you willing to break a relationship if your husband doesn’t want a baby? Is not having a child so important to you that you would rather let go of your spouse? These questions may seem judgmental but you need to ask yourself these before arriving at a conclusion.

This, of course, does not mean that you give in completely. You will have to negotiate with your partner to come to a common ground. In a situation as complicated as this, the negotiations are far more complicated than they seem.

Once you’ve had enough conversations to work through the ambivalence, you would know what’s the right decision for you and the relationship.

Finding The Middle Ground When The Husband Doesn’t Want A Baby

i want a baby but my husband wants to wait

Image Source: Unsplash

Understanding underlying issues

The fear or resistance to having children could be due to issues that have not been addressed in the past. It could be due to fear of responsibility or pre-existing childhood issues.

Do you know about the relationship between your husband and his parents? A rough childhood could make things averse for your partner when it comes to having his own children.

Looking for ways to save the relationship

Sometimes a partner may think that a child will help solidify a relationship that’s currently on shaky terrain. Partners not sharing the best relationships may not find a common ground to save the marriage.

Instead, they hope the baby will bring a level of intimacy that’s currently lacking.

Is there a medical reason?

Your partner or you may have pre-existing conditions that would make it difficult to have kids in the future. If that’s the reason you want to have a child now even though it’s not part of the plan, be vocal about it.

Speak to your doctor about having kids in the future and how it can be achieved if you can’t go ahead with it now.

Assess your relationship

Apart from fertility issues and finances, it’s necessary that you ascertain if the relationship is in a good place. A couple comfortable in each other’s company can work together as a team to raise a baby.

Partner Stories
Welcoming a Newborn 101: 4 Handy Tips that All New Dads Should Know
Welcoming a Newborn 101: 4 Handy Tips that All New Dads Should Know
Conceiving In The New Normal: Your Ultimate Guide To Successful Pregnancy
Conceiving In The New Normal: Your Ultimate Guide To Successful Pregnancy
3 things you should do now if you’re trying to conceive naturally
3 things you should do now if you’re trying to conceive naturally
Reducing The Risk Of Gestational Diabetes Mellitus: What You Should Know
Reducing The Risk Of Gestational Diabetes Mellitus: What You Should Know

That’s what a relationship is about – a 50:50 partnership.

i want a baby but my husband wants to wait

Image Source: Unsplash

If the decision to have a child overpowers your relationship, maybe it’s time you look at stepping out of it. But that’s a decision you will have to jointly take.

Consider delayed parenthood

As much as you can try agreeing with either partner’s perspective, you don’t want a void in your life. There are some things not worth sacrificing for. You need to decide which one is it – the baby or the relationship. If those are turning out to be separate things, you know what to do.

However, if your partner is worth the effort. You can look at delaying parenthood for him to be emotionally and mentally ready about it. This won’t be easy, mind you. Especially if he’s made up his mind. It would be reasonable to set a timeline on when the final decision needs to be taken. Maybe wait for a year or two?

Experts point out that sometimes the most resistant spouses often turn out to be the most loving parents. At the end of the day, you don’t want to lose something precious for a decision you will regret later. At the same time, you don’t want to resent your child because he/she wasn’t exactly a part of your life’s plan.

[polldaddy poll=10816776]

ALSO READ:

Singapore Couples Share How Breaking Up Made Their Relationship Stronger

When Is The Best Season To Conceive? New Research Spills The BeansHow To Find The Middle Ground When The Husband Doesnt Want A Baby

Got a parenting concern? Read articles or ask away and get instant answers on our app. Download theAsianparent Community on iOS or Android now!

ddc-calendar
Get ready for the baby’s arrival by adding your due date.
OR
Calculate your due date
img
Written by

Sameer C

  • Home
  • /
  • Pregnancy
  • /
  • How To Find The Middle Ground When The Husband Doesn't Want A Baby
Share:
  • 5 Relationship Tips to Jumpstart Your Mornings

    5 Relationship Tips to Jumpstart Your Mornings

  • Mums on Getting Pregnant After 40: Preparation and Risks

    Mums on Getting Pregnant After 40: Preparation and Risks

  • 5 Ways A Narcissistic Parent Can Negatively Affect A Child's Personality

    5 Ways A Narcissistic Parent Can Negatively Affect A Child's Personality

  • Delivery Rider Works 16 Hours a Day for Family, Realises Wife Cheating On Him, Son Not Biologically His

    Delivery Rider Works 16 Hours a Day for Family, Realises Wife Cheating On Him, Son Not Biologically His

app info
get app banner
  • 5 Relationship Tips to Jumpstart Your Mornings

    5 Relationship Tips to Jumpstart Your Mornings

  • Mums on Getting Pregnant After 40: Preparation and Risks

    Mums on Getting Pregnant After 40: Preparation and Risks

  • 5 Ways A Narcissistic Parent Can Negatively Affect A Child's Personality

    5 Ways A Narcissistic Parent Can Negatively Affect A Child's Personality

  • Delivery Rider Works 16 Hours a Day for Family, Realises Wife Cheating On Him, Son Not Biologically His

    Delivery Rider Works 16 Hours a Day for Family, Realises Wife Cheating On Him, Son Not Biologically His

Get advice on your pregnancy and growing baby. Sign up for our newsletter
  • Pregnancy
    • Baby
    • Education
    • Events
    • Allergies & Conditions
  • Family Occasions
    • Breastfeeding & Formula
    • Child Safety
    • Health
    • Diseases-Injuries
  • Lifestyle
    • Home
    • Money
    • Feeding & Nutrition
    • Diet & Weightloss
  • Normal Delivery
    • Cesarean Delivery
    • Behaviour
    • Secondary School
    • Formula Feeding
  • Ages & Stages
    • Latching & Concerns
    • Festivals & Holidays
    • Education
    • Pre-teen & Teen
  • More
    • TAP Community
    • Advertise With Us
    • Contact Us
    • Become a Contributor


  • Singapore flag Singapore
  • Thailand flag Thailand
  • Indonesia flag Indonesia
  • Philippines flag Philippines
  • Malaysia flag Malaysia
  • Sri-Lanka flag Sri Lanka
  • India flag India
  • Vietnam flag Vietnam
  • Australia flag Australia
  • Japan flag Japan
  • Nigeria flag Nigeria
  • Kenya flag Kenya
© Copyright theAsianparent 2022. All rights reserved
About Us|Team|Privacy Policy|Terms of Use |Sitemap HTML
  • Tools
  • Articles
  • Feed
  • Poll

We use cookies to ensure you get the best experience. Learn MoreOk, Got it

We use cookies to ensure you get the best experience. Learn MoreOk, Got it

theAsianparent heart icon
We’d like to send you notifications for the latest news and updates on pregnancy.