How would you react if your husband said these four words after you gave birth?
After giving birth, Ashley Gibson's husband uttered four supportive yet sobering words of encouragement. But it was enough to help her get perspective.
“There’s no trophy Ashley.”
Those were the four words Ashley Gibson’s husband uttered in the delivery room that changed her entire mindset. In total agony at the end of a long labour and weighing up whether she should have an epidural, her husband pointed out what all mums know – but which we all forget – that unlike football trophies or Academy Awards, there is no prize for parenting. But in this modern world where everyone has an opinion and everyone wants to pass judgement, too many mums get hung up on what they think they ‘should’ be doing – in labour and in general life – rather than what they actually want.
Ashley said it was “the best 4 words my husband could have said”, in a Facebook post that has since gone viral.
“I was trying to talk to him between contractions on the verge of tears and he lovingly spoke lots of support and some truth into my universe with, ‘There’s no trophy Ashley.’ Then when I was fretting about supplementing with some formula those first few days and not wanting to feel like I was already failing at breastfeeding I heard those words again, ‘There’s no trophy Ashley’.”
Her husband is 100 percent right. But in the newborn haze – hell, in the life haze – it can be easy to forget that no one is actually passing judgement on you… except you. And you need to give yourself a break.
It’s so true. And it’s insane the ridiculous pressures we put on ourselves and each other. We feel like failures for having drugs, or a c-section, or using formula, or going back to work, or not going back to work or having a kid that doesn’t sleep or having a kid that doesn’t eat and it’s nuts. Parenting is hard enough without piling on imaginary pressure to do everything perfectly.
As Ashley said, “this list could go on forever”. And it could. From the minute women get pregnant to the minute their kids graduate high school (and probably beyond) it seems we’re weighing our achievements and our failures against each other. We have to stop. In sharing her viral post, Ashley hoped she might change a few mindsets.
Amen, sister. We couldn’t agree more.
This article was first published on Kidspot and was republished here with permission.