Your child’s birth is a massive life event and no parent would want to miss it for the world.
It’s a moment that will stay with you for life, especially when it’s your first child being born. Even mums would like their partner to be in the delivery room with the delivery happens.
It’s not just about being there, it’s about being the pillar for your woman who is in excruciating pain.
So, it’s rather odd that one dad is missing such an important day of his life and wants to go on a business trip instead.
Husband Will Leave For A Work Trip A Day Before The C-Section
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Taking to Reddit with the username – C-142776, this mummy-to-be shared her ordeal with the internet in the hopes of getting some advice.
In her post, she says, “My husband M33 and I F26 are expecting our first baby together. I have a scheduled C section on Sunday and my husband said he can’t be there with me because he has a business trip that he’ll be leaving for Saturday evening.”
“He said he couldn’t skip the trip even if he tried and claimed that because he missed several work trips in the past six months, he’s worried he might lose his job if he declined to go.”
“I asked him if he could explain to them that you have a valid reason not to come but he said his boss doesn’t listen and doesn’t care.”
Naturally, the argument disheartened the mum. “The problem is that this is my first time and like any other woman I wanted my husband to be there with me as support,” she added.
“His excuse was that I have an entire medical team and it’s not like this was a natural birth because I will be under anaesthesia. He suggested I take my mom our his mom with me but as a father I expected him to be the first person to want to welcome our son even if he couldn’t be in the room.”
The mum further said, “He said if he stayed there wasn’t much he was going to do since again, I’ll have doctors and nurses taking care of me but if he goes on this trip then hell bring home money to support us.”
But the mum reasoned that he needs to be there as emotional support, which a professional caregiver can’t replace.
Husband Called The Mum Selfish
The couple has had fights over this.
“He clearly got upset over me continuously bringing this up and this morning we had an argument where he called me selfish and making him look like a bad husband/dad and accusing him of not caring about meeting his baby when he’s trying to support us,” she elaborates.
Adding, “I got mad at him for calling me that and mentioned he had no consideration for how I feel about this and acting like my concerns weren’t valid. He said he got sick of arguing and got his phone and keys about to leave.”
“Before he left he said I shouldn’t worry because I won’t die which was a rude thing to say given that I have my own concerns since this is my first time. He texted me apologizing for what he said but said I kept pressuring him knowing his circumstances,” she wrote.
The mum further explains that her partner already missed previous work trips for his friend’s wedding, his brother’s welcoming party, and his cousin’s trip.
“If he could skip work trips for these reasons then I wonder why his child’s birth isn’t necessarily enough for him to stay,” she asks the group.
Internet Finds This Fishy
Clearly, there is a problem in this marriage and the husband has his interests elsewhere. That’s what the internet collectively had to say about the mum to be’s problem.
One user wrote, “This would be a deal-breaker for me. There’s more afoot here. If you were able to schedule your delivery, he had advance notice of the timing and should have time off. And if it was last minute, like a vaginal delivery is, his employer knows that it’s coming.”
The user further wrote, “AND, you don’t need him just for the delivery, but for everything else that goes with it… getting there, any prep that goes on, the delivery, and after delivery, the first days at home.”
Another user added, “Yeah, strikes me as ‘something more going on’, too. Why is the prioritising work so hard now?”
Many users pointed out that the dad would’ve known well in advance about the scheduled surgery.
One user wrote, “It’s major surgery. He should be there and he’s had plenty of time to stand up for himself and, frankly, start job-hunting.”
“This is the kind of scenario that usually puts things in perspective for people. Because the issue isn’t just whether or not he’s there for the birth of his child, it’s a matter of the kind of father he’s going to be.”
Why Is It Important To Have The Husband In Delivery Room
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Childbirth is a painful process for mums and they need all the emotional and physical support needed.
Moreover, birthing a child is a joint effort and the husband needs to be an active participant in the entire process, even if it means missing a few workdays.
That’s exactly why corporates today offer paternity leave to employees beyond the standard maternity leave that mums get.
The idea is that you be a supportive partner to your expecting wife, which will not only nurture your relationship but also create a strong bond with the baby right from the start.
5 Ways Husbands Can Contribute During Labour
1. Have a plan
Your husband should ideally take charge of what to do and when to do things once you go into labour.
Prepare a birth plan beforehand so that your husband finds it easy and prepared to follow all the instructions as per your needs.
2. Keep the bags ready
Ask your husband to pack the hospital bags and keep them ready as the due date comes closer.
In case the water breaks earlier or you need an emergency delivery, your husband will need to just pick the bags up along with the birth plan and head to the hospital.
3. Keep a track of your contractions
Once the labour pain kicks in, your husband needs to be on top of things, especially the contractions.
That’s one of the first things the doctors will ask you and your partner when you enter the hospital.
Sign up for a birthing class to get your husband familiar with how things work. You should also discuss the difference between actual labour and false labour.
4. Be ready for the paperwork
Hospitals are as much about paperwork as they are about saving lives.
Right from hospital forms, insurance formalities, birth certificate requirements and more, there’s ample that needs to be done.
And this often involves running around as well. Your husband can take charge of this to make your stay more peaceful.
5. Offer distractions
Labour pain can go for hours for first-time mothers. That’s a lot of time before that little runt comes out.
And these couple of hours will feel helplessly long. So, your husband needs to create distractions for you during this period to keep you up and motivated.
Play a game or watch a TV show together, or just listen to some calming music.
Whatever works for you, make sure you let the husband know prior to the due date.
6. Don’t take things personally
Once doctors wheel the mum into the delivery room, the husband may have little to do.
The doctors and nurses take over and there will be a time when husbands may feel they are in the way.
It’s also likely that the mum might just snap at her partner despite no fault of his.
It’s all a part of the delivery process and the important thing to remember is that the mum and baby are safe at the end of the day.
7. Be her constant support
A husband’s responsibility does not end with childbirth or paying for the bills. It’s also about taking care of the baby so the mum can get ample rest.
Entertaining guests who’ve come to see the baby and the mother. And ensuring that the mum gets enough rest, especially at night.
ALSO READ:
Woman’s ‘Pushy’ Mum-in-law Insists On Being In The Labour Room With Her
Precipitate Labour: Is Having A Short Labour Harmful To The Baby?
