If you’re a working parent, mornings can be the hardest part of the day, not because of the commute or meetings, but because of the small child clinging to your leg. Saying goodbye shouldn’t break your heart, but when your toddler is struggling with separation anxiety, even stepping out of the door can feel like an emotional marathon.
The good news is that separation anxiety is a normal stage of development. With a few simple, intentional strategies, you can help your little one cope and make goodbyes less stressful for both of you.
Why Separation Anxiety Happens
Separation anxiety is common in toddlers aged one to three. At this age they’re still developing “object permanence”, the understanding that people still exist when they’re out of sight. This is why your absence, even for a short time, can feel overwhelming.
Far from being a sign that something is wrong, it shows that your child has formed a healthy attachment. The goal isn’t to eliminate the anxiety overnight but to help them feel secure and supported as they adjust.
Practical Tips for Easing Your Child’s Separation Anxiety
1. Make goodbyes predictable with a simple ritual
Children thrive on routine. Having a consistent way of saying goodbye, a hug-and-high-five, or a short drive round the block, can give your toddler a sense of control.
One mother, for example, used to take her toddler for a quick drive before heading to work. That small ritual gave the child closure and something to look forward to before she left. Predictability brings comfort.
2. Never sneak out
It’s tempting to slip away while your child is distracted, but sneaking off can actually make separation anxiety worse. When children discover you’ve disappeared without a goodbye, it undermines their trust.
Instead, offer a quick but reassuring farewell: “I’ll be back after lunch. I love you.” Over time, your toddler will learn that you always return.
3. Leave behind a comfort item
Give your toddler a small object that reminds them of you: your scarf with your scent, a family photograph, or even a favourite soft toy you’ve “kissed” before leaving. These items act like an emotional bridge, offering reassurance throughout the day. It may sound corny, but it works.
4. Keep goodbyes short and confident
Long, emotional farewells can make the separation harder. Your toddler takes emotional cues from you; if you appear anxious or guilty, they will sense it.
Keep your goodbye brief, upbeat and confident. A quick hug, a loving goodbye, and then go. Your calm confidence helps your child regulate their own emotions.
5. Reassure through consistency
The most powerful way to build your toddler’s trust is simple: always come back when you say you will. Whether it’s after work, nursery or day-care, your return reinforces the idea that goodbyes aren’t forever.
Over time, your child will internalise the comforting truth: “Mum or Dad always comes back.” That small promise kept is everything to them.
Supporting Yourself as a Parent
Separation anxiety doesn’t just affect children; it can be emotionally draining for parents too. Feeling guilt, sadness or stress when leaving a crying child behind is normal. Remind yourself:
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You’re not a bad parent for going to work.
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Your routines and promised returns are teaching your child resilience and trust.
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Checking in with your childcare provider can offer reassurance during the day.
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Talking with other parents can help you feel less alone.
Taking care of your own well-being allows you to support your child with calm and confidence.
Final Thoughts
Balancing work and parenting is tough, especially with a tearful toddler at the door. But every small thing you do, every goodbye ritual, every promised return, every extra minute spent calming your child is a big act of love. These moments build emotional security, trust and resilience.
The fact that you care this much is already proof you’re doing well. Be kind to yourself, keep the goodbyes consistent, and remember: this stage won’t last forever.
