Understanding how to calm tantrums can transform those chaotic moments into opportunities for connection and growth. This journey is especially familiar to Xie Wanyun, a mother of three who became a certified parenting coach after navigating her son’s intense meltdowns. Drawing from her personal experience, she offers valuable insights into managing tantrums with empathy and patience.
The Journey of a Parenting Coach
A Mum’s Struggle with Tantrums
Xie Wanyun’s journey into positive parenting began out of necessity. As a first-time mum, she was overwhelmed by her firstborn’s intense tantrums during his toddler years. “His tantrums were longer and more intense than a typical child’s,” Xie recalls. “He could scream for an hour, thrashing his limbs, and nothing seemed to get through to him.” This emotional turmoil left her feeling helpless and desperate for a solution.
Finding Positive Parenting
Realising that traditional methods weren’t effective for her sensitive son, Xie turned to positive parenting. This approach combines gentleness and empathy with firm discipline. She began to validate her son’s emotions instead of dismissing them. “Instead of telling him to stop crying, I would say, ‘You look upset,’” she explains. This shift in approach made a significant difference. Her son started to calm down more quickly and could eventually articulate his feelings.
Stay Calm and Composed
Learning from Experience
Inspired by her success, Xie became a certified positive parenting coach. She now helps other parents navigate the emotional challenges of tantrums. “When a tantrum starts, staying calm is crucial,” she advises. Remaining composed prevents the situation from escalating and sets a positive example for your child. Xie suggests taking deep breaths to maintain control. “Your calmness can influence your child’s behaviour,” she adds.
Creating a Calm-Down Space
Xie created a calm-down corner for her son, a quiet space filled with his favourite toys, cushions, and emotion cards. When a tantrum began, she would guide him to this area, allowing him to manage his feelings in a safe environment. “Having a designated space helps children feel secure and gives them a way to process their emotions,” she explains.
Validate Their Emotions
Empathy in Action
Validating a child’s emotions is a key strategy in how to calm tantrums. Xie learned this through her own experiences. “Acknowledging their feelings can diffuse the intensity of a tantrum,” she says. Instead of dismissing her son’s tears, she would say, “I see you’re really upset.” This simple act of recognition helped her son feel understood and less alone in his feelings.
Combining Empathy with Boundaries
Empathy doesn’t mean letting go of discipline. Xie emphasizes the importance of combining understanding with firm boundaries. She suggests saying, “I know you’re angry, but hitting is not okay.” This approach helps children understand that their emotions are valid, but certain behaviours are unacceptable.
Consistency is Key
Developing a Routine
Consistency played a crucial role in Xie’s approach to managing her son’s tantrums. She developed a routine for dealing with outbursts, providing a sense of predictability for her child. “When children know what to expect, it can reduce their anxiety and help them calm down more quickly,” she explains.
Reflecting After the Tantrum
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Once her son calmed down, Xie would discuss what happened. She asked him how he felt and what might have triggered his outburst. “Reflecting on the tantrum helps children understand their emotions and think about how to handle similar situations in the future,” she says.
Manage Your Own Emotions
Recognising Parental Triggers
Xie understands that parents’ emotions can mirror those of their children. She admits that dealing with tantrums can be exhausting, especially when you’re already stressed. “Recognise your triggers and develop strategies to manage your emotions,” she advises. Taking a moment to regain composure can make a big difference.
Self-Care for Parents
Xie highlights the importance of self-care for parents. Finding moments to relax and seeking support from other parents can help maintain a balanced emotional state. “Your well-being directly affects your ability to support your child effectively,” she notes.
Embrace Positive Parenting
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Teaching Through Connection
Xie’s experience shows that positive parenting, which focuses on building a respectful relationship with your child, is effective. Instead of punishment, she teaches and guides her children through their emotions. “I use tantrums as opportunities to teach my children about feelings and appropriate behaviours,” she explains.
Setting Realistic Expectations
Xie advises parents to set realistic expectations. “Tantrums are a normal part of development,” she says. Positive parenting techniques won’t eliminate them overnight but will help you and your child manage them better. “Focus on long-term development rather than immediate suppression of the tantrum,” she suggests.
Avoid Physical Punishment
Xie cautions against using physical punishment. “It can damage your child’s emotional well-being and weaken your relationship,” she warns. Instead, she advocates for guiding children through their emotions and providing constructive feedback. “Teach them that their feelings are valid, but certain actions are not acceptable,” she advises.
Takeaway
Learning how to calm tantrums involves patience, empathy, and consistent strategies. Xie Wanyun’s journey from a struggling mum to a parenting coach highlights the effectiveness of positive parenting. By validating your child’s emotions, providing a calm space, and managing your own responses, you can turn tantrums into opportunities for learning and growth. Embrace positive parenting techniques to build a strong, supportive relationship with your child, just as Xie did with her own family.
Implementing these approaches not only eases the immediate challenge of tantrums but also lays the foundation for your child’s long-term emotional health and resilience. With patience and empathy, each tantrum becomes a stepping stone on the path to your child’s emotional maturity.
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