I was at a dinner party last week, when I overheard a mum saying to another, “Guilt. It’s a mother’s disease. We put ourselves up to ridiculous ideals of maternity; we are supposed to be endlessly patient, endlessly resourceful, endlessly compassionate and gentle and kind. And when we fail these impossible expectations, we feel like we are “bad mothers”.
All week long her statement kept resonating through me. I couldn’t help but agree with her. How many times have I found myself playing the shoulda, coulda, woulda game? Shoulda tried harder at breastfeeding instead of turning to formula so quickly. Coulda skipped on the girl’s coffee session and spent more time with Sameer. Woulda gone for Sameer’s playmate’s second birthday party if only I didn’t have this crazy deadline…
Guilt. It’s become so much a part of my life that I’ve nearly forgotten what it’s like to feel light and free.
Some say that guilt is not a bad thing all together. It’s a powerful motivator. It’ll keep you on your toes. However there comes a point in time where it crosses the line. You find it seeping into your very being, chafing away at your mettle a little at a time, like cigarette smoke in a crowded room. Choking you bit by bit…
So this Mother’s day, I am going to I am going to give myself a gift…guilt-free parenting. I’m my putting my foot down and I am not going to let my bravery be intimidated by own lofty ideas or anyone else’s. I am going to do my best, and leave the rest.
And I hope you do too. For you, my sister, are the light at the end of the tunnel; a quiet place to rest; a foundation on which to build. Guilt will only diminish your flame, disquiet your solitude, shake your foundation.
Have a guilt-free Mother’s Day
Much Love,
ZH
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Zulahe, Faruk and Baby Sameer
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