We all want someone beside us when we give birth. But what if, for some valid reason, they couldn’t be there? Read this mum’s story on giving birth without a support person with her.
What can you read in this article?
- Why she had an emergency C-section
- How she felt knowing that no one would be beside her as she gives birth
Isn’t it great when you have someone by your side during your difficult times? That moment when you have someone to lean on when you’re suffering from pain.
They said it would be better if there would be someone you trust to support and be with you during your labour and childbirth. But sometimes, unforeseen circumstances happen.
Whenever I would tell people of my birth story, they would call me brave. Why? Because I was able to give birth via cesarean section delivery – without my husband or any family member in the hospital.
October 27, 2019, was supposed to be my due date but there were still no signs of labour. So I went with my husband to the hospital for my check-up. According to my OB-Gynaecologist, my cervix wasn’t dilated yet, so I had to come back the next day and I should update her if there was any progress in my labour.
The next day, there was still no progress. No labour pains, no cramps, no pain at all except for the brown discharge I saw when I woke up. I decided to go to the hospital alone since my husband had to go to work that day.
He told me to text him if my check-up would be done so he could fetch me. He also asked me if I will be okay going alone- that I could ask my sister-in-law to accompany me, but I said yes, I can manage, thinking I will not be giving birth yet.
The emergency C-section
Image from Shutterstock
At the hospital, I felt a little bit nervous. My doctor started to do an internal examination (IE) on me and again, told me my cervix has not dilated yet. But based on my ultrasound the day before, there was a cord coil on my baby. So she did the biophysical ultrasound and stress test (BPS) to check the heartbeat.
There was a heartbeat but it was stagnant unlike the previous test done. She asked me if it was like that before. I said I didn’t know. She told me she had to repeat it, and I felt even more nervous. I was not yet ready to give birth at that moment yet.
She asked me who I was with, and I told her that I was alone. She told me to call my husband, but I said I do not know what his work schedule was at the time.
To my surprise, she called another doctor and showed her my BPS result. I heard them talk about fetal deceleration and I grew even more worried.
Eventually, she told me that we could not wait any longer. My baby’s heartbeat was going down and she needed me to deliver the baby as soon as possible.
Upon learning that, I texted my husband right away, but there was no cellular signal in the hospital, so my message could not go through. My OB even offered to go outside the hospital so that my text message would be sent.
I was already so nervous at that moment. I did not know what to do. I felt numb. I could not think well.
My doctor started to inform her team, and they got ready for the operation. They started doing several tests and asked several questions. I just kept answering one question after another. I also signed a consent form. It was all going so fast. At some point, I wasn’t sure of my answers anymore so I just gave them my identification card.
Giving birth without a support person around
While the hospital staff continued to prepare me for the operation, I felt like crying because I felt so alone. There was no one there to assist me. I could see the other mums-to-be with their husbands with them. While I didn’t even have anybody with me. But I needed to stay strong.
I had hoped that someone would be beside me to comfort me, to encourage me, telling me I could do it. But I had no choice. I just told myself that I needed to do it for my baby. Her safety is my priority. So I just prayed that everything would go well.
When the nurse did the skin test, the tears started falling. Not because of the pain, but because of fear. All the uncertainty and I was going through it all alone. The nurse asked me why I was crying, and I just said it was because of the pain. I was about to be wheeled to the operating room, so they just asked another nurse to take care of my belongings.
In the operating room, I heard the team pray before they began everything. After the epidural, one of the nurses approached me and asked for my husband’s number so they can call him. I gave them his number and the nurse asked me to relax and go to sleep.
I could not imagine what happened next. It seemed so fast, but it was as if it took forever as well. Then, I heard my baby’s cry. The nurse told me it was my baby. I cried again – tears of joy this time. I was so excited to see my baby’s face.
Then a nurse approached me and asked for a different number to contact my husband. It has been so long and they still could not get a hold of him.
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While we were in the recovery room, I felt cold and nauseous. But at the same time, I was so excited to see my baby. I was also sad for her, because I was not sure if my husband was already there, and if my newborn already had clothes to wear. I felt like crying again, thinking about my poor baby.
The nurse asked me if my husband or a companion was already there, and I told her I’m not sure. Then they handed me my precious baby.
I started to worry about my husband, and so many thoughts entered my mind. Did he gets the texts? Was he able to come home? Maybe he doesn’t want to come here at all. Maybe something bad happened to him.
But when I looked at the door of the recovery room, there he was, trying to get a peek of what was inside. So I called the nurse and told him my husband had arrived.
I saw how excited he was when he saw us and when he carried our baby. Maybe he also felt sorry that he was not there when I needed him most. I saw all his efforts that time, from cooking food to bring to the hospital to feeding me. He made sure that I ate on time and slept on time. He changed my diaper and carried me to the bathroom when I wanted to freshen up.
He stayed up late to make sure me and our baby were well taken cared of. Even when we got home, he was still very hands on. He cleaned my wounds and carried me when I could not walk. He comforted me when I was struggling being a new mum.
His side of the story
A few days after we were discharged from the hospital, my sister-in-law told me about how my husband found out that I had already given birth.
He just came home from work and was resting. Then he just woke up when someone called and told him that I was in the hospital and I had given birth. He was so shocked that he kept pacing around the house, not knowing what to do first.
It was a good thing that I prepared our hospital bag before giving birth, so he just took that and told his sister to bring the other stuff later on.
At times I feel bad that no one was there for me when I gave birth, but I never thought of holding a grudge. Maybe one factor why it happened was because I never experienced any labor pains. If that was the case, I could have had enough time to call my husband or even go home first and tell the other family members.
It’s true that giving birth without a support person around you is not a walk in the park. It’s difficult – physically, and even more emotionally.
But I guess any mum will do the same if they were in my shoes. And I know for sure that any one would be brave and face anything when it’s their baby’s life on the line.
Translated with permission from theAsianparent Philippines.
