It’s that time of the year again when we come together to acknowledge and appreciate the role of fathers in our lives. From meeting our needs to fulfilling our demands, dads are the backbone of every family and your first heroes.
They can give you some of the best advice in life and teach you to be a better person. But what dads truly excel at is in telling hilarious dad jokes.
Okay, hilarious may not be the word children would go for. However, it isn’t until you become a father yourself that those jokes start sounding funny. Interesting how that works.
On Father’s Day this year, we’ve compiled a list of the funniest jokes that dads are bound to crack. If you are a new dad and looking to brush up on your dad jokes, this would be a good time to increase your knowledge and get that dad street cred.
So, here are 50 funny fathers day jokes that top the list of dad humour and are bound to make you laugh, albeit with ample cringe thrown in for good measure.
50 Funny Fathers Day Jokes
1. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese!
2. I asked my dad to help me with a math problem.
He said, “Don’t worry; this is a piece of cake.”
I said, “No, it’s a math problem.”
3. Being a great father is like shaving. No matter how good you shaved today, you have to do it again tomorrow.
4. Dad: You’ll never amount to anything because you procrastinate.
Son: Oh yeah? Just you wait!
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5. There’s a big difference between bad jokes and dad jokes. And that difference is the first letter.
6. Q: What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches
A: A nervous wreck
7. Dad Wisdom – I know what I’m getting for Father’s Day. Last night my daughter asked me what size aftershave I wear.
8. Dad: Hi, Sweetie, how was school today?
Daughter: You can read all about it on my Facebook, Dad!
9. Dear Dad, $chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can’t think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. Love, Your $on.
Dear Son, I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh. Love, Dad.
10. Dad Wisdom – Why, in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
Image source: iStock
11. Science teacher: When is the boiling point reached?
Science student: When my father sees my report card!
12. Dad: I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro, it’s a total rip-off.
13. Ladies, if he can’t appreciate your fruit puns, you need to let that mango.
14. “While having their evening dinner together, a little girl looked up at her father and asked, “Daddy, you’re the boss in our family, right?” The father was very pleased to hear it and confidently replied, “Yes, my little princess.” The girl then continued, “That’s because mommy put you in charge, right?”
14. I asked my dad for his best dad joke and he said, “You.”
15. Dad: How old is your father?
Child: As old as me.
Dad: How is that possible?
Child: He became a father only when I was born.
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16. My son wants 50 per cent of my Father’s Day gifts. He says if it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t even be a father.
17. Son: For $20, I’ll be good.
Dad: Oh, yeah? When I was your age, I was good for nothing.
18. Dad Wisdom – I had a dream about a muffler last night … I woke up exhausted!
19. Son: Dad, I’m hungry.
Dad: Hello, Hungry, I’m Dad.
Son: Dad, I’m serious.
Dad: I thought you were Hungry?
20. You can tell it’s almost Father’s Day. The kids suddenly want to stop at all the garage sales.
Image Source: iStock
21. Son: Dad, can you put my shoes on?
Dad: I don’t think they’ll fit me.
22. I’m laying in bed reading a book when my dad walks in with a tape measure. About five feet away from me he stops and starts pushing the tape out to me. It gets closer and closer until it eventually smushes against my cheek. I ask him, “What are you doing?” He responds, “I’m measuring your patience.”
Every year, after it turns 12:00 am on January 1st, my dad makes the same exact jokes. “Where’s your mother, I haven’t seen her ALL YEAR!” “Man, I’m so hungry, I haven’t eaten ALL YEAR!!” “WOW, we’ve been watching this TV ALL YEAR!!”
23. Q: What did one ocean say to the shore?
A: Nothing. It just waved.
24. Happy Father’s Day to a dad that was smart enough to teach his kid to mow the lawn so he wouldn’t have to.
25. Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
A: A stick.
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26. My dad used to carry around a frayed knot in his pocket just an old tied up piece of rope. Then any time someone asked him something and the answer was, “no”, he would just pull out the frayed knot and say, “‘fraid not!” and he would burst out laughing. Nobody else thought it was funny.
27. Q: Why did the scarecrow win an award?
A: Because he was outstanding in his field!
28. Dad Wisdom: I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
29. Q: Did you get a haircut?
A: No, I got them all cut.
30. I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
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Image source: iStock
31. Q: What’s the opposite of irony?
32. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says “I think I’ve lost an electron.” The other says, “Are you sure?” The first replies, Yes, “I’m positive.”
33. Son: I’ll call you later.
Dad: Don’t call me Later, call me Dad.
34. Dad: What is the lunch meat that tastes like hot dogs?
Dad: This isn’t bologna, son, but a serious question.
35. Q: What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
A: Aye Matey!
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36. Dad Wisdom – Our wedding was so beautiful, even the cake was in tiers.
37. Son: Hey, Dad, what’s this movie about?
Dad: It’s about two hours.
38. Dad Wisdom – I gave all my dead batteries away today… free of charge.
39. Son: Can I watch the TV?
Dad: Yes, but don’t turn it on.
40. Q: How do you take your coffee?
A: Seriously, very seriously.
Dads Are Your First Best Friend
Image source: iStock
41. Q: Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
A: Because the “p” is silent.
42. Did you hear about the yacht builder that had to work from home? His sails went through the roof.
43. Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella? Fo’ drizzle!
44. What did the buffalo say to his son as he walked out the door? Bi-son.
45. How much do roofs cost? Nothing. They’re on the house!
46. What do frogs wear on their feet in summer? Open toad sandals!
47. My wife laughed at me when I told her I could make a car out of macaroni. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta!
48. How do celebrities keep cool? They have many fans.
49. The police just arrested the world’s tongue twister champion. They say he’ll be given a tough sentence.
50. I’ve got a pen that can write underwater. It can write other words, too, but underwater is one of my favourites.
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