A woman's dirty little secret revealed...
Out of the ordinary
For Linda, it was her husband’s best friend. She kept her thoughts to herself, of course, and never acted upon them. But it remained a source of conflict between desire and the need to stay within boundaries. Fantasise husband’s best friend or not, one cannot really stop their ‘wild imagination’.
She lusted after her husband’s best friend in secret
Here’s Linda’s confession, in full:
Five years ago, I met the man who is now my husband. Tom* and I started out as friends as I had just split up from a guy that I was convinced was the one for me. I was still hurting badly from that relationship so when Tom approached me at a party, I was flattered by his interest but wasn’t keen on being anything more than friends.
I agreed to go for coffee with him and as it was just a friendly meeting with no flirting whatsoever, I ended up having a very good time. But I wanted to be upfront with him though, so I told him about my situation and he said that he was fine with it, we could just hang out and see how it goes.
For almost two years, we had a great time as friends. I was glad he gave me the time and space to just be myself and not jump into anything. We saw each other a few times a month and mostly went on coffee dates and to the movies. We didn’t even hold hands or kiss, it was a purely platonic thing. Tom earned my trust and, as I loved his company and knew that he was a good man, I finally decided that I was ready for more.
We had met a few of each other’s friends during that time but it was only a few months after we started dating that I was introduced to Tom’s best friend, Nick.* He had been working overseas for a year and although Tom had mentioned him to me, I never had the chance to encounter him before.
It was lust at first sight when I met Nick. He’s the most good-looking man I’ve ever met and, after just one meeting, I thought that I could very easily fall in love with him. But I didn’t, of course, the connection I had with Tom was amazing and I wasn’t going to trade that for a pretty face – especially since said face belonged to my man’s best friend.
Nick had moved back to Singapore after his overseas posting ended. He soon fit right back into his home life and that included hanging out with Tom. And, because I was a part of Tom’s life, I saw a lot of Nick too. Tom and I had been spending a lot of time together by then and I saw Nick at least a couple of times a month. Every time I saw him, he took my breath away.
Whether it was an afternoon at the beach or a dress-up dinner with his friends, Nick seemed to looked gorgeous all the time, in any outfit, at any time of the day. Even when Tom and I went to his office once when he had to work all weekend, he looked hot despite the fact that he was frazzled and very stressed.
I kept my obsession to myself of course, I couldn’t even tell my friends, and I definitely would never ever share this with Tom. I mean, what kind of woman has a crush on her boyfriend’s best friend, right? (Me, apparently.)
Not for keeps
Thankfully, I’ve never let my infatuation with Nick affect my relationship with Tom. Apart from his handsome face, I have no interest in him. He was – and still is – a player. Even though he’s nice to me and Tom and all his friends, he isn’t exactly what you’d call a shining example of a boyfriend.
I’ve met a few women that he’s dated over the years and not only does Nick seem to like superficial women, he also dumps them after a few dates. He isn’t a relationship kind of guy and that is a big turn-off for me.
But that didn’t stop me fantasising about Nick. Tom and I got married two years ago and we started having sex. It was amazing. I enjoyed being sexual with him but after a few months, we got into a bit of a rut. I don’t blame either of us, we just lead so busy lives and have stressful jobs that, even though we wanted to have sex, it sometimes was hard to schedule it. Plus, sometimes we had so little time to get the job done that I was left unsatisfied often.
The real fantasy
Then, one night, as Tom and I were in bed, I started thinking of Nick. We had just been talking earlier about Nick’s birthday party the following week and how we had to get a present for him, so my mind wandered back to that conversation.
I somehow ended up thinking how good Nick would look in a suit as his party was going to be a fancy affair at a hotel. And then I realised that I was turned on. Yes, Tom was kissing and fondling me at that point in time but I was more aroused than usual.
I knew it was the thought of Nick that excited me. So, I carried on doing that and ended up having amazing sex with Tom. He had no idea, of course. He was just glad that both of us reached the finish line very happily that night.
That wasn’t the only time that I thought of Nick while having sex with Tom. I don’t do it every time Tom and I have sex, only when I’m not as aroused as I should be, or if I need a ‘boost’ to reach the end goal.
Thought and action
I don’t see anything wrong with what I’m doing. Many women fantasise about celebrities while having sex with their partners so how is this different? Just because I know the man I’m fantasising about? Plus, I would never ever do anything with Nick. The thought of cheating on Tom has never even crossed my mind.
I’m happy with my husband and can’t ever imagine leaving him for anyone else – or even just having an affair.
Nick travels a lot for work these days so I don’t see him as often as I used to, which suits me fine. I have no interest in him in the real world. But I will gladly invite him into my fantasies whenever I want to. And neither him nor Tom – or any of my friends, for that matter – needs to know about it.
What you want
Wanting is about ourselves. It’s about what we lack. We build our own worlds based on our wants and needs. In a sense, we hold power in the worlds we build.
As the famous writer of erotica Anaïs Nin once said, “How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.”
*Not her real name.