What to do if you were forced to choose between saving your baby or your spouse?
What would you do if you were in his shoes?
Imagine having the best day and the worst day of your life, at the same time. That must have been what Frederick Connie was feeling, when he lost the love of his life from childbirth – when he faced the hardest decision of his life, choosing between child and spouse.
Choosing between child and spouse
Frederick Connie rushed his wife, Keyvonne to the hospital when she starting bleeding profusely at home, more than a month before their baby was due.
It was at the hospital that doctors told him that he has to make the most difficult decision of his life – perform surgery on the wife first at the risk of losing the baby, or do an emergency caesarean section with the chance that Keyvonne may not make it.
Frederick picked to save the baby.
All was well at first. His wife survived the surgery and even saw photos of their newborn daughter. But Keyvonne’s health deteriorated just hours after giving birth. She passed away before she could be rushed to the surgery room again.
Their daughter’s name is Angelic Keyvonne Connie, after her mum.
Frederick needs help
After weeks of being admitted in the hospital and battling health problems, little baby Angelic is finally ready to go home soon.
However, with his wife passing and baby in hospital care for a long time, Frederick has run into money issues. Reports say he said he will sell all his personal belongings and sleep in his car just to care for baby Angelic.
His boss, Justin Collins, has set up a fundraiser to generate funds for Frederick and baby Angelic, which will be used for hospital bills, funeral expenses and other basic necessities. The fund has raised US$27,533 and counting.
Coping with the death of a spouse
Losing a spouse, especially very suddenly, can be hard on anyone. You married the love of your life hoping to spend many long years together and not expect to lose them so suddenly. Coping with the death of a spouse can be hard, but is something that can be overcome with some grief management.
The first days are going to be tough. The first few months are going to get even tougher. So the best thing you can do for yourself is to go easy on yourself. There’s no right way to feel when you’ve lost a loved one. Let yourself feel what you need to feel, let yourself do what you need to do. How you grieve is unique to your personality, so let it happen. You might feel sad, angry, numb or even relief (if your spouse had been suffering). Just remember, there are no wrong or right feelings.
You’re going to be tempted to wallow in sadness and not want to do anything. That’s okay! But if you find yourself having an unusually hard time sleeping or eating, you might want to seek some help for that to make sure your health does not deteriorate.
One of the great things about having a support system is having many shoulders to lean on in your time of grief. Don’t be ashamed to get help from people during this time. Whether you need help sorting out your spouse’s estate or just doing house chores, call someone you trust and let them help you. You should not feel ashamed if you’re not doing well emotionally. Seek out professional help and counselling if you need some assistance there too.