All mums have different ways of managing their household, taking care of their kids, and being a mum in general. That’s why it’s inevitable for a mum and her mother-in-law to have some disagreements and misunderstandings here and there.
So, to help out mums who have a meddling mother-in-law, we went to theAsianparent Community to find out what advice other mums can give.
1. Know when to draw the line
Mother Ling Fernandez shares, “If your partner and you both sing the same song, it would be easier. Otherwise you and your partner will need to come to a mutual agreement. As for me i can say I’m blessed.”
“We both agree that at the end of the day, it is out marriage and our family. Both in laws are important too, but who else knows best except for us.”
She admits that while it’s important to take your mother-in-law’s advice into consideration, at the end of the day, the decision is still yours to make, and you have to be clear and establish that line that with your mother-in-law.
2. Ask your husband for help
Another mum, Luz Abuella, says, “My husband does all the talking/explaining to his family. I don’t bother explaining especially if we have different opinions on a certain topic. It will just cause misunderstanding. “
“If ever the topic comes up again, my husband will be the one to answer and not me.”
This is also sound advice since there’s a big possibility that your mother-in-law will listen more to your husband. It also helps you avoid being directly at odds with your mother-in-law.
3. Be independent
Tin Larra, another mum, tells us that independence is key. She shares, “Since day 1 of our marriage, we lived on our own, far from the in-laws. It helped us a lot, given the fact the we are still building foundation for our new family. Based on experience, it’s better to avoid things or people whom you know you could have problems with.”
“We solve our own problems and we’re very much independent as a couple and a family.”
It’s a very practical approach to a problem that plagues a lot of mothers. Being independent from your in-laws also helps you to develop your own parenting style that’s suited for how you do things at home.
4. Talk it out, if it doesn’t work, just avoid confrontation
Sharon Ng, shares some of her insight when it comes to dealing with a mother-in-law that criticizes your decisions. She shares that mums should talk to their mothers-in-law nicely, and if the situation can’t be resolved, it would be best to just avoid confrontation in general.
Sometimes, it’s really hard to get people to like you or understand you, the same is true when it comes to your mother-in-law. Just like what Sharon said, if you can’t work it out amicably, then it’s best to just avoid your mother-in-law to prevent any conflict.
5. Try bonding with your mother-in-law
Mother Hui Qun Ng tells us that bonding with her mother-in-law helped them get closer. She shares, “we spent the time preparing food for the rest of the family. I’ve made dumplings and CNY goodies together with her. There was once when we were alone and she was clearing some old stuff. She started showing me photos and telling me about how it was like bringing her children up etc.”
This is also a great idea since another reason as to why you’re having misunderstandings with your mother-in-law is because you don’t know each other too well. Who knows, maybe you might have a lot of things in common? Getting to know your in-laws would also help you understand where they’re coming from when it comes to the advice they give you.
