A child’s brain is like a sponge. It gobbles up an enormous amount of knowledge every minute of the day. The world is unfolding before them for the first time, and they a curious bunch. So it’s really no surprise that they constantly bombard us with questions.
Now the typical yes, no questions are a breeze for all of us. But the real problem begins when they start to ask the “why” questions.
It’s funny how an innocent child’s question could jolt us into the realisation that we have been taking a lot of things for granted. These little ‘brats’ could make us feel cornered and bewildered with questions like, “Dad, why is the sky blue?”
And nothing could be worse than a “why” question than a series of “why” questions.
Image source: iStock
My 4 year-old would ask, “What are you doing, Dad?”
“Working,” I’d answer.
“Why?” She’d ask.
“So we can have money.” I’d answer.
“Why?” She’d ask again.
“So we can buy food.” My answer.
“Why?” She’d ask again.
“So we can eat.”
“Why do we eat?”
(Aaaargh!)
Even the “what” questions can also be very daunting. I remember one occasion where I was outdoors with my girl. I was introducing her to nature. I was pointing things out to her and naming them like, “Those are clouds…That is a tree.” It was a pleasant windy afternoon and the leaves were swaying. I said, “Oh, I love the wind.” She asked, “What is wind?” Whoops!
Now how, brown cow?
How we deal with our child’s questions (even when they are the most mundane questions) could either spur his curiosity further or altogether dampen his interest in learning. It is very important then that we should handle these questions squarely.
To do this, I would recommend these two considerations:
1. As much as possible, never refuse to answer a question.
2. Never go around the question with “Just because,” or “Because I say so.” or “Because that’s how it is.”
Never refuse to answer a question
Image source: iStock
It is perfectly okay to admit to your child that you don’t know the answer – but don’t stop with the “I don’t know” answer. While you show an example of honesty, you should also encourage critical thinking.
When my child asked me why the sky is blue, I was stumped. I never wondered why it was blue in the first place. Now, my child got me wondering why it is blue. Instead of trying to save your pride by ignoring the question or telling your child to stop asking questions, it would be helpful to tell her just that.
“Hey, I never thought about that! Good question.” Praise her for such an intelligent question (this encourages and affirms critical thinking). “Now, let’s see…why is the sky blue? Maybe because….” you can then try to come up with several guesses.
Make sure you make your child understand that you are not making a conclusion (remember, encourage critical thinking) and that you will research on it. Make sure you do really research on it and update her as soon as you get the correct answer. It doesn’t matter if days have passed. What is important is that you come back with an answer.
As much as possible, walk your child through the answer. When asked, “What is wind?” I blew at my daughter’s hair and cheek. Then I asked her, “Did you feel that?” I blew again. She said, “Yes.” I said, “That’s the wind that I blew in your hair and cheek. See those leaves? They’re moving because of the wind.” And she understood the concept of “wind.”
Never go around the question
When your child asks you why you have to work, and you say, “Because I have to work;” or if asked why the sky is blue, you answer, “It’s just how it is,” you have just discouraged your child from thinking critically. He would lose interest and will be less inclined to ask questions, believing it will lead to nothing.
To continue my conversation with my daughter about why I have to work:
“Why do we eat?”
I answered, “If you don’t eat, you’ll get sick. You have to eat so you’ll grow and not get sick. If you get sick, you can’t play. You will be sad if you can’t play. Daddy and Mommy will be sad when you are sad.”
“Oh.” She nods thoughtfully.
I found out that if you give short answers to a curious child’s “why” questions, they will not be satisfied so they tend to follow it up with more questions. I’m not sure if it’s the wordiness of my explanation that overwhelms her so she loses interest (remember, kids have a short attention span) or the satisfaction of getting a “real” answer, but it does the trick – the series of “whys” stops.
Never be intimidated by your child’s most vexing questions. If you can’t give him the answers, you can lead him to them – this is one of the most important role you play as your child gradually unravels the “mysteries” of the world around him.