These 15 hilarious husband tweets will make you LOL

1.

My wife said I need to grow up. I was speechless. It’s hard to say anything when you have 45 gummy bears in your mouth — Josh (@iwearaonesie) October 10, 2014

2.

Wife: It’s like every man on earth has to share one brain
Me: [can’t think of a good comeback because it’s not my turn to use the brain] — Grant Tanaka (@GrantTanaka) March 6, 2016

3.

When my wife falls asleep in a public place, I shake her a little and yell, “DON’T YOU DIE ON ME!” People always clap when she wakes up. — Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) August 18, 2015

4.

[out in public] Me: A kid is crying. Wife: It’s not one of ours. [we fist bump] — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 13, 2015

5.

I love when I leave work early to surprise my wife at home and she greets me with those three very special words… Were you fired?? — Boyd’s Backyard™ (@TheBoydP) March 26, 2015

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6.

accountant: “youre basically broke”
wife: “he keeps spending money on stupid stuff”
me: “lets ask the dog if he thinks his jeans are stupid” — k e e t (@KeetPotato) October 27, 2015

7.

Me: I spent HALF as much as YOU usually do on groceries. Wife: Congratulations. [2 hours later] Me: We have nothing to eat in this house. — Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) January 9, 2016

8.

Coffee is like marriage. First it’s really hot. Then it’s just right. Then it helps you get off your ass and do things. — Josh Hara (@yoyoha) July 17, 2012

9.

Txt from wife: where r u
Me:kitchen
Wife:can u feed cat
M: I mean garage
W:bring in laundry
M:bathroom
W:clean toilet
M: Idaho
W:get potatos — Grant Tanaka (@GrantTanaka) March 16, 2015

10.

Wife: What are you thinking about? Me: *pauses daydream about zombie ninjas fighting cyborg Nazis from the future* You. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 28, 2016

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11.

Wife: Wow, I’m tired
Me: Go relax, give me the recipe and I’ll make dinner
[Five minutes later]
Me: Honey, I think we’re out of…”oven”? — Pete Lynch (@PJTLynch) November 3, 2013

12.

ME: There’s no i in team but there is one in pizza
WIFE: so you’re not going to share
ME: I am not going to share — Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) January 18, 2016

13.

*rolls over & taps wife’s shoulder to wake her* So it was “An American Tail” & not ‘Tale’ because Fievel was a mouse, right? — Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective) January 4, 2015

14.

I just googled, “how to get away with killing my husband” on @IMKristenBell phone. Just in case. Now there’s a record.
— dax shepard (@daxshepard1) May 11, 2015

15.

ME: isn’t this great??
WIFE: not really
ME: *looks down from the top bunk* what’s wrong — local badboy, (@hippieswordfish) November 3, 2015

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