Ever found yourself always in fits of rage after giving birth? No, that’s not a sudden personality change. That’s postpartum rage, and many women who went through childbirth have experienced it.
If you’re not typically irritable before getting pregnant, this sudden change can shock you or catch you off guard. So, we’ve prepared a list of things that you ought to know about postpartum rage.
Table of Contents
What is Postpartum Rage?
Many mums and professionals from our TAP community have given their insights about postpartum anxiety and depression. With varied, useful, and eye-opening insights, we noticed a common denominator among our first-time mums, and that is feeling a certain kind of anger that was hard to control just shortly after giving birth.
And, often the source of their anger is unclear. It turns out this kind of sudden mood change is pretty normal after giving birth and is called postpartum rage.
Along with feeling angry is a mum’s feeling of guilt, after feeling such rage because childbirth is supposed to elicit positive emotions. So to suddenly feel such type of rage can be confusing to new mums.
What many first-time mums ought to realise though is that childbirth not only comes with such joy of being in the arms of the human person they were growing for 9 months but also immense stress, sadness, and sometimes, even anger, because of the pile of concerns that are waiting for us after we complete one task after another.
To be clear, postpartum rage is not exactly a clinical mood disorder, but it’s often referred to as a symptom of postpartum anxiety or postpartum depression. And, of course, the experience is different for each woman, based on their state and situation.
Symptoms of PostPartum Rage (According to the TAP Community)
If you are unsure about whether you are experiencing postpartum rage or just need to take some anger management classes, this list of signs or symptoms should clear things up.
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Inability to Control Anger
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“It’s that feeling like you are just angry at your kids for no reason. Like in one moment, you were so happy carrying them in your arms. Then, all of a sudden you want to pinch their cheeks or make them cry the next.”
If you are unsure whether that sudden fit of rage you’re having is just who you really are or it’s postpartum rage, refer to this example. That’s how quick such a sudden fit of postpartum rage is.
If it’s not your children, your target may be your husband. One minute you’re talking sweet nothings to each other in bed, then shouting at the top of your lungs the next – for no apparent reason.
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Frequent Yelling and Cursing
“The frustration is unbearable because even your husband can’t understand what you’re feeling. So, instead of trying to make him understand, I yell, even if I didn’t mean to yell from the beginning.”
You might recall a recent fight you’ve had with your husband where you were calm at first, trying to explain to him what you really meant about what you said and whatnot. Then, all of a sudden he tells you, “why are you yelling?”
You may not have been aware that you were yelling when you trying to make your point, but because postpartum rage is uncontrollable, you weren’t conscious that you were already yelling what you were supposed to be just explaining.
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Resulting in Physical Aggression
“I actually hit my one-week-old baby out of anger… out of postpartum rage. That’s how real it is.”
If you’re not really a physical kind of person when it comes to expressing your anger pre-baby, and you find yourself being like that postpartum, it’s very likely you are not going through a personality change – you are going through postpartum rage.
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Having Ill Thoughts about your Partner or Relatives
“I just remember feeling so angry at my partner. I was so stressed with everything.”
Why your partner, you may ask? Simply because he is there all the time. Best if you warn him very early in your pregnancy about this stage in postpartum so as not to shock him and so that he may respond accordingly.
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Unable to Forget the Subject of their Anger
“I became extremely short-tempered. And, I found myself in this state most of the time. I couldn’t understand it, because I wasn’t like that before.”
If you are the type of person who easily forgives or forgets when someone has done you wrong, this symptom is a surefire sign you are going through postpartum rage.
Most women have that tendency to carry their frustrations with them, but to carry along that anger is quite uncommon.
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Inability to Let Go of Emotions
“I remember feeling so irritated when I hear my children crying. The moment I hear that high pitched note, my blood really starts to boil. And, I couldn’t control it. When I’m angry, I’m angry. It came to a point where I would lock myself in the bedroom to hurt myself or cry myself a river because of how angry I was.”
It would have been good if now you know that what you were experiencing was postpartum rage and knew how to control it. Unfortunately, the thing about postpartum rage is that it’s a continuous emotion. Even if you want to let go of your anger, you just can’t.
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Feeling Multiple Emotions at Once
“I yell and hit when I reprimand him, but deep inside, I get really hurt from what I just did. I’d ask myself, ‘why did I do that?’ And, I just end up telling myself, ‘I can’t keep my anger in control.’ To put myself at ease, I just keep remembering that they are too young to remember what I did. And, if they do, they’ll remember all the times I also gave into their requests.
If you think pregnancy mood swings are something, you’ll never know how intense your emotions can get and how crazy your moods can be when you’re operating on no sleep with a demanding newborn.
What Causes Postpartum Rage?
Now that we know the different ways postpartum rage manifests itself. Let us now tackle the different reasons why it occurs:
- Because anger is easier to express than sadness
- Sleep deprivation or insufficient rest
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- Unresolved small and piling up annoyances
- Hormonal fluctuations
- Lack of support system at home
- Struggling to adjust to new mum life
- Loss of control over their lives
- Marital or familial problems
- Misaligned expectations of what motherhood is going to be
How to Control Postpartum Rage
The #1 advice of mums and professionals in the TAP community is to ask for help. Dr Chex Gacrama, a neurologist and psychiatrist from the Philippines, heavily emphasised that at the first sign of postpartum rage, women should not hesitate to ask for help.
Another would be to find the root of your postpartum rage and address them. If you find that your trigger is your husband not helping out in the house more than they should, communicate your feelings to him and decide ways he can help you out more. If you find that it’s your baby’s crying, ask someone to hold your baby for a while. Again, do not be afraid to ask for help.
If you are feeling overwhelmed by your new role as a mum, ask your partner or a trusted friend to look after the baby for a couple of hours while you do what you want with your me-time – go shopping, watch your favourite TV show or just catch up on sleep.
You might also want to consult your doctor for psych referrals and undergo therapy. Therapy, by the way, is not for crazy people. Therapists handle clients who have the most mundane daily tasks and are just unable to cope.
So, do not be afraid to consult one if you find yourself exhibiting symptoms of postpartum rage. It’s better to address your mental state early on, so you avoid it from getting worse.
You might want to journal your thoughts and feelings before going to your therapist so that they can better understand what you’re going through.
Beat parenting stress by keeping a journal.
Remember, mums. You are not alone. You are not different. Many women experience postpartum rage. So, do not hesitate to reach out to your support system or your doctor if you feel sudden bursts of anger.
As Dr. Chex has said, “When mums’ mental state is good, they can better take care of their children.”
Translated with permission from theAsianparent Philippines.
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