'The Darkest Time of My Life.’ Men Can Have Postnatal Depression Too

Explore the topic of postpartum depression in men, as we delve into personal stories and offer insights on overcoming the challenges.

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After we give birth, our husbands or partners are usually our rock. But did you know that men can have postpartum depression too?

Postnatal or postpartum depression could affect as many as one in 10 men within the first year that their child was born. 

Postnatal or postpartum depression is a common mental health illness that women experience after giving birth. However, experiencing depression is not only limited to new mums. Men can experience postpartum depression too. 

According to BBC Scotland, one in 10 fathers experience depression within the first year the baby comes out. There could be depressive episodes in the first year or the first few months of having the baby.

Men Who Have Postpartum Depression

Image source: iStock

Months after his second child was born, Peter Dives experienced depression. However, he hid it from everyone around him.

"It was the darkest time of my life," Peter said.

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It became more difficult for him to cope with depression as he also suffered from an injury the day after his baby was born.

"I woke up every morning with a knot in my stomach. I felt like there was a big dark cloud following me about," he shared.

"I went into a bit of a rut after that," he added.

Peter was not comfortable seeing a doctor to tell about his condition. He didn't want to tell anybody what he was going through for about five months after his child was born. 

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Nobody knew about Peter's condition until he went to his mum's home and cried on her couch. Peter says,

"She dragged me through to the kitchen; I was sobbing on her shoulder for 15 minutes. A lot of stuff came out about how I was feeling, and it felt good sharing that with somebody."

Both mum and dad experienced postnatal depression

Both Keith Lonsdale and his wife Alice suffered from postnatal depression for months after their second child was born. Keith was worried that he could not support his family the way he wanted.

While the dad of two was suffering from depressive episodes himself, his wife got hospitalised twice due to postnatal depression.

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During those times, Keith struggled to cope and be there to support everyone who needed him. He had just signed off from his job as a civil public servant because of stress and anxiety. 

Alice, Keith's wife, said,

"His bosses at the time just couldn't understand - they just didn't see that he was missing his daughter...

That his wife and daughter had been put in a mental health unit. He had very limited access to us, and his work couldn't understand why he would want to be with us."

Postpartum Depression In Men

Image source: iStock

A study from Sweden says that a significant number of fathers suffered from postnatal depression in the past 10 years. They experience depressive episodes and struggled with their mental health during their early parenthood. 

The common reasons why men might experience depression after their baby is born

New mums and new dads could have similarities in the reason why they experience depression. It includes the following:
  • Extra responsibility
  • Change to routine and lifestyle
  • Financial pressure
  • Stress on the relationship
  • Fatigue and lack of sleep
  • If his partner is also suffering from postnatal depression

16 Symptoms of Postpartum Depression in Men

Just like us mums, our partners may exhibit the following signs of postnatal depression:

  1. Feeling sad and hopeless.

  2. Constant exhaustion or numbness.

  3. Not wanting to do anything.

  4. Feeling unable to cope.

  5. Feeling guilty for not being happy or for not coping.

  6. Worrying that you don’t love your baby enough.

  7. Being easily irritated.

  8. Crying or wanting to cry more than usual.

  9. Not wanting to eat or being unable to eat.

  10. Binge eating.

  11. Finding it difficult to sleep.

  12. Lack of interest in your partner and/or baby.

  13. Anxiety and/or panic attacks.

  14. Find it difficult to make decisions.

  15. Have worrying thoughts about harming yourself or your baby.

  16. Thinking about death.

ALSO READ:

New Dad Complains His ‘Wife Does Nothing But Pump’, Seeks Help and Advice

Being A Stay-At-Home Dad Triggered His Depression: ‘I Needed To Hurt Someone Physically But It Should Not Be My Daughter’

Why Singaporean Dads Are No Longer Taking Paternity Leave

Postpartum Depression in Men: When to Seek Help?

It is normal for mum and dad to feel tired and anxious, especially when they are just new parents. However, if you feel really down and it is getting the most out of you, it would probably be the time to seek help. According to Dr Selena Gleadow-Ware, a consultant psychiatrist who chairs the perinatal faculty at the Royal College of Psychiatrists in Scotland, "Men may be much less likely to talk about or feel comfortable sharing how they're feeling, so it often goes as an under-recognised or hidden problem."

How is paternal depression treated?

There are a few treatment options for PND:
  • Talking therapies and counselling
  • Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT)
  • Support groups
  • Medications such as antidepressants
  • Self-help
 It could be a little hard for men to open up and speak their minds. However, there could be times when you feel like you need help and support from other people. Always remember that no one will think that you are weak for asking for support when you need it. 

Tips for Handling Postpartum Depression Like a Champ

Being a new dad comes with a rollercoaster of emotions, and sometimes that includes struggling with depression. But worry not! We've got your back with these 7 practical tips to help you navigate through the tough times and emerge as a superhero for your little one.
  1. Talk it out: Open up to your partner, friends, or a therapist - sharing your feelings can provide immense relief and support.

  2. Take care of yourself: Prioritise self-care by getting enough sleep, eating well, and engaging in activities that bring you joy and relaxation.

  3. Reach out to other dads: Join support groups or online communities where you can connect with fellow fathers who can relate to your experiences.

  4. Bond with your baby: Spending quality time with your little one can boost your mood and strengthen the bond between you, creating a sense of purpose and fulfilment.

  5. Seek professional help: Don't hesitate to consult a mental health professional who can guide you through effective coping strategies and treatment options.

  6. Stay active: Exercise releases endorphins, which can help alleviate symptoms of depression and improve overall well-being.

  7. Maintain a positive mindset: Practice gratitude, focus on the things that bring you joy, and remind yourself that you're doing an amazing job as a dad.

Remember, you're not alone in this journey. Reach out for support, take care of yourself, and be proud of the incredible dad you are becoming.

Image source: iStock

For more information on how you can choose a healthy lifestyle for your baby and the whole family, visit https://babypass.health/

Here at theAsianparent Singapore, it's important for us to give information that is correct, significant, and timely. But this doesn't serve as an alternative for medical advice or medical treatment. theAsianparent Singapore is not responsible for those that would choose to drink medicines based on information from our website. If you have any doubts, we recommend consulting your doctor for clearer information.

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