If you also have misbehaving children then read on for some interesting stories.
Here's a true account of Mischa (not her real name as she would rather remain anonymous):
It is only natural that parents can be over-protective of their children but when it escalates to being insanely defensive, it only brings more trouble.
My buddy of 4 years fell out with me because she couldn't take it when I had to tell her about her 5-year-old daughter's behavioural problems. Her daughter (let’s name her Dilly) makes all other child bullies I've come across, look like ideal children. I've gotten into playground quarrels with other parents because of her daughter's violent behaviour with other children, (as I was babysitting her) if I didn't stand up for her, she would have told her mom. It’s not in my favour as and her mom already felt I didn't quite fancy her daughter, Dilly, for the longest time.
Her daughter is a very intelligent kid--but ruthless, violent, demanding and self-centered at the same time.
To tell or not to tell…about those misbehaving children
I didn't want to ruin my friendship with my best friend and I tried my very best to accommodate or just 'close an eye', but her bullying got worse and she started speed-punching my daughter who is a year younger and a head shorter than her, on two occasions, just because my daughter didn't respond to her screaming (my best friend's daughter barely talks, she screams and orders people around including adult strangers).
She also semi-bodyslammed my daughter, throwing her to the ground while we were queuing up for desserts.
Your misbehaving children need some work
I spoke on many occasions to my best friend and all she would say is 'Dilly is a very vocal child lah.' Yes but how do you explain such violence in a child, and when the entire family condones it?
Her grandmother even said her grandchild only strikes when she is very angry, and it must have been my daughter's fault for agitating her. My best friend never believes in disciplining her child more than just a 'gentle word' not to do it, if at all. She usually doesn't say a word.
The last straw came when I sent an SMS (thinking my friend wouldn't pick on it) while recuperating from hospitalization, hence I could not talk. It was a week after my daughter's 4th birthday party, which was also my daughter's first, and we threw a big party and invited almost 100 guests.
Prior to the party, two other friends of mine even asked if my best friend's daughter would attend. They were afraid of Dilly bullying their kids because Dilly had met their kids once and had been rough with them.
Disastrous birthday party
At the party, her daughter was screamy and loud as expected, bullied the other kids and had to be in everyone's photos, and kept calling my daughter names and announcing to everyone that my daughter 'is a loser'. Dilly took the toy tiara and sceptre from my daughter's 3D birthday cake and refused to put it down, she played with it till it broke and then flung across the room to an adult guest's cheek almost blinding him. All this time, her mother was seated right next to this guest witnessing the whole thing play out without a word. They did not apologize, and it was after some hesitation that my best friend apologised to my guest.
I had brought all these things up to her in my SMS, to tell her let's do something together and I want to help her with her child's behavioural issues, but she was more interested to know the names of my guests who had labeled her child the 'demon child'. I pretended that I didn't know who it was.
Three weeks later her mother let it all out on Facebook calling me names and saying that I insulted her daughter and her, and that I probably had made all the accusations up because I wanted to protect my daughter.
I am appalled at how childish and in denial my friend is, when everyone who has met her daughter never liked her daughter.
Should we discipline other people’s misbehaving children?
The question now is should we discipline other people’s monstrous kids? The above case is a delicate situation but not too far fetched. It happens. You’ll have to question yourself—do I even want to build on this friendship if my friend refuses to listen to the logic of a keen-eyed adult?
Here are a couple of things to keep in mind:
-Every family has a different set of expectations in terms of what is acceptable behaviour and what deeds deserve punishment. The threshold varies vastly.
-Try to stay out of other parents’ disciplinary measures as that is always a sensitive and “avoid-if-you-can”. With that being said—there are certain actions that need your immediate reaction when dealing with a friends’ kid.
1. Aggression. Someone might get seriously injured in the process if you stay quiet. This includes biting, whacking, hitting, poking, pushing, body-slamming, punching, using dangerous objects—you get the point.
2. Supersonic screams. Such situations are distracting and disruptive especially in a public place. If the parents are not around or refuse to react, you could step in but beware of consequences.
3. Destructive deeds. When the child starts destroying things around him that does not belong to him, knocking things down, tearing things up—it is time to do something.
4. Violent behaviour. This is the worst because it can hurt somebody. This includes kicking a pet, pushing someone else’s stroller away (with a baby inside), holding a sharp object to threaten other kids and the list goes on.
Ultimately, dealing with your friend’s kids is not an easy task and each situation is unique. Take our poll below…
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Also read: Why are kids so rude?
