You wake up with a start, mid-orgasm (dripping wet…), feeling confused and slightly disoriented. Thinking it was your husband, you turn around to see him snoring away, none the wiser. You take a moment to collect yourself and then the guilt kicks in. Why was I dreaming about having sex with my ex? I’m happily married! What’s the meaning of sex dreams?
Even as you’re fanning away the aftermath of a fabulous sleep-gasm, don’t be guilty. Expert Dr Debby Herbenick, PhD, who has published more than 100 scientific articles about sex, says this is normal. There are reasons for those dreams.
Meaning of Sex Dreams: 6 Most Common Ones Explained by Experts
#1 Dreams of Same-Sex Partners
No, you’re not sexually confused. In fact, these dreams are pretty common, according to Dr Herbenick. You might be straight and still dream about having sex with another woman at some point in your life.
One of the reasons this happens is because we know that people tend to think that the idea of two women making out is hot.
But in this case, when a heterosexual woman dreams of same-sex partners, it’s most likely your mind’s expression of a strong female companionship. Sharing a close bond with your best friend can also trigger this.
So, contrary to what they show you in the movies, even if you’re having a sizzling sex dream with your closest girlfriend, it is unlikely to mean anything about your sexual orientation.
#2 Sex Dreams with Your Ex
It’s been ages, but why does your body “remember” him? Again, this is normal says Dr Herbenick. It is not unusual for women to dream about past boyfriends, even after years of settling down and having a family of their own.
But does this mean you’re not over him? According to Dr Herbenick, this doesn’t mean you still love him. It’s just that your brain is just processing old memories. And there are bound to be some good ones of romance and excitement stored somewhere in your grey matter.
However, another expert has a different opinion on this. Psychotherapist and Dr Romance, Tina B. Tessina, PhD thinks that this could mean a red flag.
It could mean that a current experience has reminded you of your past, or maybe you’re just trying to understand something from that experience. Like warning bells in your head why the relationship fell through in the first place.
But don’t let these dreams turn you into some stalker even out of curiosity. You know what they say! Curiosity killed the cat!
#3 Sex Dreams with Someone You Don’t Even Fancy!
You must be thinking oh my God, why even!? But Dr Herbenick says this could happen even with people you truly detest.
According to her, sexual feelings can be sparked by a range of emotions — including rage – which is a type of passion. Another way to describe the meaning of sex dreams in this sense is the indication of actual anger for this person in real life, adds Dr Tessina.
So while the dream might leave a bad taste in your mouth, at the end of the day it is still just a dream. Shake it off as a nightmare and move on.
#4 Sex Dreams with Your Friend’s Husband
You would never ever do anything to hurt your best friend, so why are you even dreaming about this? What is the meaning of sex dreams like these, where you are cheating on your husband and with your best friend’s husband no less!
Dr Tessina thinks that the most likely answer is just plain innocent curiosity, at a subconscious level.
So even if it is forbidden, exhilarating and oh so wrong, it can still be a huge turn on. Take a moment to examine your own sex life if you’re having these extramarital dreams. Maybe your sex life has hit a brick wall and is in need of some spice.
#5 Sex Dreams with Your Husband, but with a Different Voice/Body/Face
You’re very sure you’re getting it on with your husband, but he’s suddenly grown washboard abs, buns of steel and a sexy deep voice. Does this mean I’m tired of him?
According to Dr Herbenick, this could signal a need for more curiosity in a relationship. After being together for so long, sometimes couples get lazy and think that they already know everything about each other. In the end, the relationship lacks effort.
When was the last time the both of you just talked about life, dreams and passion? Why not take a walk down memory lane together and rediscover each other again.
#6 Sex with Your Dream Man
Who doesn’t want to be wooed and to get it on with their very own imaginary Nick Young? At least in your dreams you can have a rich handsome and eligible philanthropist who can’t get enough of you.
It is so perfect in your dream that when you wake up to reality, it’s meh. What is the meaning of sex dreams with your (fantasy) knight in shining armour?
Your dream could signal that something is missing in your real-life relationship. All it is now is wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am, and sometimes, couples forget the emotional side in sex and relationships. What your dream does is provide you with a temporary escape from reality, so work on it together and make it real.