House Rules For Your Helper: The Fair Version That Works

The house-rules conversation with a new helper is the most consequential hour of the whole employment relationship. Most households either skip it (then simmer over unspoken expectations) or run it as a list of prohibitions (then wonder why trust never forms). There’s a better version, and it’s mostly a matter of remembering what house rules are for: clarity, in both directions.

The legal minimum you must meet

Before any household preferences, MOM’s employment rules set the baseline: rest days, salary, proper accommodation, medical care, no deployment to work you didn’t declare (the helper cleaning your shop or your mother-in-law’s flat across town is the classic illegal arrangement backed by real penalties). House rules operate above that floor, never below it; check MOM’s current requirements directly, as they get updated. A rule that conflicts with them isn’t a rule, it’s a violation with a nicer name.

What the conversation should cover

• The daily shape: working hours in practice, what the morning must deliver (kids fed and out by 7?), when the day ends, and what “urgent” means at night (a crying child yes; a forgotten laundry load no).
• The children, precisely: what she may decide alone (snack choice) versus what always comes to you (discipline, screens, medicine, and medicine especially: never administered without explicit instruction). What the kids may not ask of her, and, said in front of the children, that they must speak to her with respect. That last sentence teaches more than any rule on the list.
• Phone and social media, like an adult workplace: reasonable personal use off-duty and at breaks; not while actively minding a toddler at the pool. Frame it exactly like any job with safety-critical stretches, because that’s what it is. A blanket phone ban is both unkind and unenforceable; a safety-based one is neither.
• Food and the kitchen: what she cooks, what she eats. She must get proper meals, and the households that simply say “eat what we eat, take what you need” spend zero further energy on a topic that poisons others for years.
• Privacy in both directions: her room or corner is hers; your bedroom drawers are yours. Symmetry makes the rule dignified instead of suspicious.
• Visitors, doors and keys: who may enter when nobody is home, how the door answers to strangers, where keys live.
• Money handling: the marketing float, receipts if you want them, set up as bookkeeping, not as a trap.
• What she can expect from you: salary date, rest-day arrangements, how mistakes will be raised (privately, specifically, once), and a standing weekly ten minutes where either side can raise anything small before it grows.

How to run the conversation

Write it down: a one-page list she keeps, in plain language (translated if her English is limited; a photo of the page to her phone works). Walk the flat together while covering it, because rules attached to actual rooms stick far better than a recitation at the dining table. Expect the first fortnight to need repetition without irritation. She’s learning a household’s entire operating system from scratch. And revisit at month one: some rules will have proved pointless, some gaps will have appeared, and updating the page together is itself a trust-building exercise.

The tone test for every rule you write: would you be comfortable if her previous employer had applied it to her, and would you accept its logic in your own workplace? Rules that fail that test tend to cost more in resentment than they buy in control, and helpers talk. Being known as a fair house is the cheapest retention scheme that exists.

Frequently asked questions

What house rules should I set for a new helper?

Cover the daily shape, the children’s non-negotiables (medicine and discipline always come to you), phone use framed around safety, food and kitchen access, privacy in both directions, visitors and keys, and money handling, written on one plain page, walked through room by room, and revisited after a month.

Can I restrict my helper’s phone completely?

A total ban is unenforceable and corrosive; a safety-based rule, no personal phone while actively supervising children and free use off-duty, is reasonable and understood, because it mirrors any workplace with safety-critical hours.

What am I legally required to provide?

MOM sets the floor: rest days, timely salary, adequate accommodation and food, medical care, and no deployment outside the declared household. Check MOM’s current rules directly. House rules stay above that line, never below it.

How do I handle it when rules get broken?

Privately, specifically, promptly, once, the same way decent managers everywhere do. Repeated safety-critical breaches are a different conversation; the weekly ten-minute check-in is where small things get said before they become big ones.

Should the children follow rules about the helper too?

Yes, stated in front of them: she’s spoken to with respect, and she isn’t their servant for retrievable toys and abandoned plates. How the household treats her is a live parenting lesson running all day, every day.

What to remember

One page, plain words, both directions: what you expect, what she can expect, walked through the actual flat. MOM’s rules are the floor; medicine and discipline always route to you; phones follow safety logic, not surveillance logic.

Then the weekly ten minutes, and the test every rule must pass: you’d accept it in your own workplace. Fair houses run smoother, and everyone in the industry knows which houses are fair.

Read next

• The complete guide to helper salaries
• Helper insurance: what changed
• Choosing a maid agency in Singapore

This article is general information. Employment obligations for helpers are set by MOM. Confirm current requirements there.