Why hello doody do everybody, how are you all? No, that is not a spelling error; I may only be 16 weeks old but I can certainly spell.
I have spent the last fortnight learning new things about the world around me. With reference to the ‘youse’, my male employee John has been coming home telling me all about his Irish mates’ delight at France’s disastrous World Cup campaign. As any keen football fan will tell you, Ireland – not France – deserved to be in this World Cup.
Speaking of that, I will no longer talk about the World Cup. It’s all hush hush with the football in Australia right now after my beloved country failed to qualify for the knock out phase due to an inferior goal difference. Much to my dismay, most of Australia remains blissfully unaware of the Socceroo’s heroics as their eyes are glued to their local version of ‘football’, which is currently in mid-season.
I managed to catch a few glimpses of these so-called ‘footballers’ running around while struggling to catch a ball that wouldn’t bounce right. Apart from the glaring team colours, I can’t help but notice how under-dressed they are. It’s winter, lads! Just this week gone Melbourne has had her coldest winter in 14 years. And these nutjobs are running around in singlets and shorts!
Sports and fashion faux pas aside, my lovely employees have also introduced interesting add-ons to my colourful life. Keep reading to find out how they revolutionized my normally slow work days!
It has indeed, been a really interesting fortnight. I have learnt many things.
Firstly, consumption of alcohol belongs to the domain of adults. No child should ever be given alcohol, even under the supervision of parents. Children are too young to understand the implications of binge drinking and the results could be disastrous.
Secondly, don’t cut your child’s nails. File them instead. My female employee Michele has a really good habit of filing my nails while I’m enjoying my breast milk. Then again, filing them only keeps them trim and tidy as somehow they’re still sharp enough to scratch my face!
Thirdly, save the electronic gadgets for older children. My male employee John always laments to me how children these days are spoilt silly with everyday devices being provided for children barely out of kinder! What do they need a mobile phone for? Where can they possibly go apart from the canteen, holding hands with their buddy or in the company of the teacher?
And lastly for those living in the Southern Hemisphere, stay warm. This has indeed been a pretty cruel winter. Just last week my male employee John almost bawled his eyes out after looking at the heating bill this quarter.
But so much for the doom and gloom of the Australian winter. Next fortnight, I shall be reporting from a place that’s far warmer. Which means – out with the jackets, in with the singlets!
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Editor’s Note: This is part 5 of the fortnightly series.
Episode 1 – Looking Through Levi’s Eyes: The First 40 Days
Episode 4 – Looking Through Levi’s Eyes: World Cup Fever!