You would expect a stay-at-home-parent’s job to be easy. After all, there’s no stress of juggling a demanding career, no worry of bringing home a paycheque, no office politics, no guilt, only the joy of parenthood. Right?
Well, only if that were true!
Being a stay-at-home-parent brings with it a unique set of challenges; and a majority of them stem from losing one’s own identity. Unfortunately, not many parents open up about it.
However, Korean-American actor Nathan Li Cheng Xuan is changing the norm and talking about the topic that is often thought of as taboo.
During an interview, the 36-year-old–who is married to Chinese singer Stephy Qi Wei Li Cheng Xuan–admitted that he fell into depression as he was out of work for a year and a stay-at-home-dad (SAHD) to his now 6-year-old daughter, Lucky.
Li Cheng Xuan Was Ashamed Of Being SAHD
The actor admitted that he felt ashamed of being a stay-at-home dad (SAHD), and confessed that he “once harboured such thoughts.”
He further added that he grew up in a traditional family where men are expected to be the breadwinners.
But that as a SAHD he felt a lot of pressure because he didn’t have a job for a year and was just looking after his daughter.
Li Cheng Xuan considered consulting a psychiatrist
As a dad, he wanted the best for his daughter. “I wanted Lucky to learn few things but realised I was being too harsh on her when she failed to meet my expectation,” he added.
Li Cheng Xuan realised that there was growing friction between him and his daughter because he was “too emotional” and would often regret raising his voice almost immediately.
However, the loving dad adds, “I would cry and apologise to Lucky while she was asleep.” Afterwards, he would spend hours on the internet trying to find relevant information on how best to educate young kids. “I collapsed while keeping up with this cycle,” shared Li Cheng Xuan.
At one point, he even thought of seeing a psychiatrist, but he didn’t because he soon got used to caring for his daughter.
Thankfully, all’s well with this Li Cheng Xuan and his family now. But his personal story has re-started the conversation of the many unique struggles of SAHDs.
5 Unique Struggles Of A SAHD
The gender debate: Many SAHDs often struggle with their identity and might even feel that that around them do not accord them the respect they deserve. Because after all, childcare is a ‘woman’s job.’ Even though it is not!
Balancing work with the child’s schedule: Striking the right balance between working from home and caring for a child is often taken for granted. However, it can be quite challenging.
Fear of losing one’s identity: If you are a SAHD, you may also experience a fear of losing your identity. You are at home the entire day and may go through a hard time keeping up that self-confidence. In your quest to be the best dad, you may end up putting extra pressure not only on yourself but also on your child.
Explaining your career choice to others: It may be quite frustrating to see promotions being passed on in favour of people who work at an office full-time. When you are in a social circle, you may have a difficult time trying to explain what you do for a living since you are working from home.
Losing yourself: Stay at home dads might also find it challenging to maintain a separate identity. Having too many chores to tick off from your list will often leave you exhausted to pursue something just for yourself.
Even with these struggles at hand, remember that your biggest win is the time you spend being a good parent. These precious moments are irreplaceable and your child will forever cherish them.
News source: 8 Days
Feature/Lead image courtesy: Instagram
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