Extramarital affairs have become a prominent topic among Singaporeans, especially in light of recent events involving the resignation of four politicians due to their admission of infidelity.
When someone cheats, it raises questions about how married couples can cope with and recover from such a betrayal. Additionally, the impact on children adds another layer of complexity to the situation.
In this article, we explore the reasons behind extramarital affairs, who is more likely to stray, and how couples can navigate the aftermath.
Why Do Married People Cheat?
According to Dr. Lim Boon Leng, a psychiatrist from Gleneagles Hospital, emotional distance from a spouse can leave one feeling “unvalidated or unappreciated” at home, which may lead to seeking emotional support elsewhere.
For example, a colleague who shows understanding and empathy can become an attractive outlet for unfulfilled emotional needs, initiating the initial attraction.
Is Infidelity Common? Who Is More Likely to Stray?
Extramarital affairs are not as uncommon as one might think. Dr. Lidia Suarez, a clinical psychologist, sees about 15 individuals or couples per month, some of whom are dealing with emotional affairs. Male clients tend to report sexual affairs, while female clients are more likely to be involved in emotional affairs. Interestingly, women seem more open to seeking help, while men may hesitate due to feelings of embarrassment.
Image from iStock
The Singapore Counselling Centre (SCC) also receives cases related to extramarital affairs, but specific numbers remain undisclosed. Dr. Scott Haltzman, a psychiatrist and author of “The Secrets Of Surviving Infidelity,” estimates that about 25% of men and 15% of women have had an affair at some point in their lives. These numbers may be even higher today, considering how we now define affairs, including emotional infidelity through intense online relationships.
Dealing with Infidelity: What Should Couples Do Next?
The impact of an affair is devastating to both partners, often leading to a condition called Post-Infidelity Stress Disorder (PISD). Before making any decisions, couples must first determine if love still exists in the relationship. While passion may diminish over time, mutual concern, care, and desire for each other should persist.
Image from iStock
The Singapore Counselling Centre suggests asking specific questions in various areas to address the root cause and extent of the infidelity.
-
Questions about the past:
- What led to the infidelity?
- Was it a one-time mistake or an ongoing affair?
- What unmet needs contributed to the infidelity?
-
Questions about the present:
- Are both partners committed to working through the issue?
- Do they share a determination to overcome this challenge together?
-
Questions about the future:
- How will they handle triggers and insecurities that may arise in the future?
- What are their long-term goals for the relationship?
- Are they open to seeking therapy for support?
There are no definitive right or wrong decisions; each couple’s motivation and mindset towards repairing the relationship will guide them. It’s worth noting that approximately one-third of couples may decide to end their marriage, while others may choose to stay together despite the infidelity.
Starting the Healing Process: Couples Therapy and Individual Support
Image from iStock
If the decision is to stay together, couples therapy is a crucial step towards rebuilding trust and understanding. A therapist can help uncover and address existing issues and provide guidance in healing the relationship. Additionally, individual therapy may be necessary to address any underlying difficulties such as depression, trauma, or addiction.
What About the Children?
If children are involved, it is vital for both partners to be aligned on how to move forward. Children are more perceptive than we realize, so it is essential to create a safe space for them to express their thoughts and feelings without judgment.
Image from iStock
Reassuring them that their parents’ love remains unchanged and that they are not responsible for their parents’ problems is crucial. For older children, the effects of infidelity can be more profound, potentially impacting their ability to form healthy relationships in the future.
Open communication and support are key to helping children cope with the situation.
Signs That Things May Not Work Out After All
Certain negative patterns can predict the likelihood of divorce, such as criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Among these, contempt, displaying a sense of moral superiority over one’s partner, has been found to be the most potent predictor of divorce. Respecting and supporting each other during the healing process is vital for any chance of reconciliation.
Takeaway
Extramarital affairs can be emotionally devastating, but with understanding, communication, and the willingness to seek help, some couples can rebuild their relationships. Love, trust, and mutual commitment are essential ingredients in saving a marriage.
When children are involved, providing them with emotional support and reassurance can help them navigate the challenging situation.
Whether a couple decides to stay together or separate, the healing process requires effort and compassion from both parties. Seeking professional guidance through couples therapy and individual support can pave the way to a healthier, happier future.
ALSO READ
Divorces and Annulments in Singapore Peak Between 5 to 10 Years of Marriage
Most Reputable Divorce Lawyers in Singapore: Affordable, Trustworthy, & Discreet
Navigating Emotional Infidelity: Can Cherishing Memories With Your Ex Hurt Your Relationship?