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Recently, a tragic event befell 10-year-old Jessica in North Sulawesi, Indonesia. Due to uncontrolled anger, Jessica’s mum poured gasoline over the child and set her on fire. Jessica suffered severe burns. After a month of treatment, the poor child finally breathed her last on Tuesday, October 23 2018.
Mum sets own child on fire after being unable to control anger
Anger management for moms: how do we prevent ourselves from hurting our children? | Image Source: Stock Photo
As reported by Detik.com, the fiery incident happened on September 12, 2018. It all began when Olga wanted to find a kitchen knife. She asked her two children, but they both remained quiet — until finally Olga became angry and began hitting them.
Dedi Prasetyo, the Brigadier General of the Indonesian Police, said that after hitting her children, Olga tugged Jessica’s hair, slamming her onto a door. Next, Olga took a gallon filled with kerosene and poured it over the victim’s body. Then, she set fire to her own child.
The commotion at Olga’s house attracted the attention of other nearby residents. Upon seeing the severe burns on Jessica, neighbours immediately rushed them to a Community Health Centre. Meanwhile, Olga was brought over to a police station.
Jessica suffered third-degree burns, which covered about 85 percent of her body. Her burns were so severe that even her internal organ’s functions were affected. Jessica’s younger sibling also suffered severe burns which affected her heart.
Eventually, 10-year-old Jessica passed away
10-year-old Jessica in the hospital. | Image Source: Detik.com
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After being treated for a month, Jessica’s condition continued to worsen. Her body started to experience multiple organ failure. Eventually, this primary four student passed away on Tuesday, 23rd October 2018.
Meanwhile, according to Liputan 6, the victim’s dad, Rony Manonahas, was very disappointed with his ex-wife’s behaviour towards their children.
“It was only a trivial matter, yet she went that far. As a father, I feel very sad, “said Rony.
Hopefully, this incident can serve as a lesson to us all so that we can better control our emotions and anger towards our children. As parents, we should never let our uncontrolled anger harm our own children.
We at theAsianparent are deeply saddened by what Jessica had to endure, and offer our condolences to her family.
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Anger Management for mums: Some Tips
Being unable to control your anger can unintentionally harm yourself and your family, parents. Here are some tips on anger management for mums to help keep your emotions in check. | Image Source: Stock Photo
In her article, Laura Markham, PhD, analyses the sources of parental anger, why they happen, and what can be done about it. Although it’s lengthy, the article is a wonderful resource for any mum, or dad, with anger management issues. Here are a few of the numerous tips about anger management for moms which she writes about that you might find helpful:
1. Do NOT Act When Angry
It‘s vital to remember that being angry doesn’t mean you have to do something: so do not act when you’re angry. Yes, there will be an impulse to teach your child something they will learn from you. But mums, that’s not you — that’s your anger taking hold. Your anger sees the situation as an emergency — even though it usually isn’t.
Don’t forget that the lesson doesn’t need to even be taught now. You can talk them through it now, and they will learn what you intended to teach. After all, you know where your children live.
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Promise yourself to zero hitting, swearing, name-calling, punishing or screaming while angry. If you feel the need to vent it out and scream, do it in a private place. Try entering your car, windows closed, and scream when there’s nobody around. Also, scream without words, as they only fuel your anger. Just scream.
2. Talk to your children about it
Kids get angry too, mums. It’s a win-win situation to sit down and talk about finding better ways to cope with your anger. For one, you won’t bruise them physically or emotionally. Second, you’re becoming a good role model to them. Don’t forget that when your kid sees your occasional anger, they will learn about how you manage such strong emotions, too.
So on a quiet day, why not discuss with your children better ways to manage anger? You can ask them questions, like if it’s always alright to hit someone or yell at them when they’re angry.
Next, write a list with your kids about the best ways to manage anger. Here are some good ideas:
- “Say what you want to others without insulting them.”
- “Dial up the music and dance out your anger.”
Place the list in a part of your house everyone sees everyday – like the refrigerator. That way, your kids can witness you reading it if you do get angry. Then, practice what you preach. After all, being a role model means that rules which hold true for your kids apply to you, too.
3. Listen your anger rather than acting from it
All humans are born innately with emotion, including anger. The main difference lies in what we choose to do with it.
Usually, looking back, being angry offers valuable life lessons. However, reacting with anger isn’t often useful since we make really irrational choices. Instead, the more productive approach to manage anger is to restrict expressing it, and calm down. Once you’ve calmed down, use anger as a point of reflection: what part of life is so bad that we become angry? What can we do to improve the situation for the better?
You can get a variety of answers from reflecting. Maybe the source of your anger comes from:
- your lack of parenting skills. Perhaps you should enforce limits before losing control of the situation, tucking in kids to bed 30 minutes earlier, or mend the relationship with your child.
- rage directed to your spouse or others in your life, even your colleagues.
- places we aren’t sure about ourselves, and it spills over to our kids. In this case, mums do find extra help in counseling sessions or a parents’ support group.
When these tips on anger management for mums don’t help…
Find a counsellor. After all, it’s not a shame to seek help. There is shame, though, to break on your parental responsibility by hurting your children physically or psychologically.
As parents, we have definitely felt angry and even lost our patience when confronting our children’s behavior. However, what Olga did is not justifiable. Whatever the reason, parents should never intentionally hurt a child severely.
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Mums, do manage your emotions well with these tips on anger management for moms for your own personal and family’s safety. You can read more tips in the reference article here.
Mums, we hope that this article on anger management for moms has been useful. This article was originally written by Fitriyani, and translated by Kevin Wijaya Oey. Republished with permission from theAsianparent Indonesia.
References: Psychology Today
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