Sharing someone else’s news is essentially taking an experience away from them that they will never get back. And whether the news relates to a devastating event, or something you want to celebrate, is irrelevant. If it’s not your news, then you shouldn’t be sharing it (unless they’ve explicitly asked you to).
One woman is so sick of her mother-in-law over sharing her news of miscarriage that she’s threatened to cut her entire family out of her life and that of her children.
The woman was still grieving when her MIL started sharing news of miscarriage. | Image source: iStock.
Sharing news of a miscarriage
The woman explained in a post to Reddit, that she has always had a “rocky relationship” with her mother-in-law, who she says hates her and regularly does things that get under her skin, but whenever she speaks up about it, the rest of the family take her side so arguing with her is futile.
“I’d rather not argue with a wall so I say something like, ‘what you did isn’t OK with me regardless of why you did it’ and I walk away,” the woman wrote in her post.
“She’s been very rude to me during past pregnancies: body shamed me and has made fun of my two children’s physical looks (even to their faces as they’ve grown older).”
In February, the woman had a miscarriage in her second trimester, and the mother-in-law announced it to the entire extended family against her wishes.
“That’s something personal I didn’t want people knowing because I’m still dealing with the trauma of it,” she said, adding that she tried discussing this with her at the time, but she was ignored, so she dropped it for the sake of her own mental health.
The woman is still dealing with the trauma of her loss. | Image source: iStock
Pregnancy after loss
Now the woman is pregnant again, she got on the front foot and specifically asked her mother-in-law not to tell anyone about it.
“Guess who has already told the whole family?” she said. “My SIL and DH are receiving messages of congratulations and I’m mortified. Imo (in my opinion) it’s too early for everyone to know, you never know about a repeat miscarriage.”
“We specifically asked her to not say anything, she has responded to a message from my DH with ‘Pregnancy is good news, why are you trying to hide it? I’m only telling family, what’s the big deal? I’m the grandma, it’s my news too’.”
The woman said she messaged her mother-in-law about how hurt she was by her actions, explaining that she wanted to be the one to tell people when she felt comfortable. She said she’s still grieving her miscarriage, and instead of apologising, the woman showed the message to everyone in her household. Now she’s frustrated that nobody is acknowledging her feelings, but instead telling her husband that she’s “making a big deal out of nothing.”
Cutting family out of your life
The woman then sent another text to the family saying if they can’t see her perspective, things will have to change.
“I messaged their family group (DH, SIL, MIL, and FIL) and told them that if they cannot see my perspective they aren’t allowed near me or any of my children, including the unborn,” she continued.
“They can’t be a part of my children’s lives because I can’t stand this level of disrespect anymore (it’s been a decade).
“I feel like I have a right to privacy, I don’t want people knowing my business unless I’m the one sharing it.”
Now her husband is being bombarded with messages from his family telling him to “control his wife” and insisting she apologise for over-reacting. He won’t take a side, is clearly stuck in the middle, and she’s asked the people on Reddit whether or not she’s gone too far.
The woman later added that the pair are living separately due to some other issues in their marriage, which his family are clearly on his side about, and she’s not even sure if reconciliation is going to be possible.
A husband problem
Image source: iStock
People were quick to point out that the woman clearly has a husband problem rather than a mother-in-law problem.
“Your husband should also be standing up against his mother and siblings because you are his immediate family now,” commented one person.
Another agreed, saying the woman “doesn’t have a MIL problem as much as she has a husband problem.”
“I would go no contact with his family,” one suggested. “Explain to him calmly why. Remind him that if he continues to do nothing while his family abuses you and the kids, that you can go no contact with him too.”
One person said her “poor DH is a spineless a**hole” pointing out the man has clearly already picked his side: “If he won’t back you up, guess what, he’s picked a side and it isn’t yours.”
Another said the husband should have handled this situation a long time ago and is now part of the problem: “This was an issue your husband should have handled a long time ago, and tbh (to be honest) he seems like part of the problem. Why does he keep telling her stuff? Tell him to knock it off. He’s a shitty gateway.”
This article was first published in KidSpot and republished on theAsianparent with permission.
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