When it comes to marriage or divorce, we must carefully consider several factors before going through with them. Marriage serves as a major step in our lives where we must learn to move forward with our spouse. Meanwhile, divorce comes up when a marriage doesn’t end up the way we want it to. We often struggle to go through with the marriage because we might end up in a messy divorce.
Moreover, we end up second-guessing splitting with our spouse especially if we have children. Despite our conflicting thoughts, we must understand that there’s no shame in experiencing marriage or divorce. To help you out, theAsianparent interviewed Ms Christine Looi, a successful CEO and divorcee, to talk about her experience in both marriage and divorce.
In this article, you’ll read:
- How Can Marriage or Divorce Become Beneficial to Success?
- Advice for Couples Planning to Get Married
- What It Takes to Be a Divorcee
How Can Marriage or Divorce Become Beneficial to Success?
Ms Christine Looi is the successful CEO of NRSC Secret Club. She is a divorcee with three kids and loves inspiring people and empowering women through life experiences.
Back then, she was retrenched from a high paying job and faced financial instability. The whole ordeal made her eventually lose hope. Additionally, like most single mums, things became so difficult for her to handle alone.
Fortunately, with a proper mindset, she was able to overcome her problems and struggles in life. Ms Looi was never hesitant and afraid of accepting help. Aside from that, she also acknowledged that change is essential to keep moving forward.
At present, Ms Looi inspires people by creating a community that helps support and empower women. She also wants to become a strong advocate in the parenting and charity community. Furthermore, Ms Looi wants to inspire and empower more women by sharing essential things about marriage and divorce through her voice.
Advice for Couples Planning to Get Married
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Ms Christine Looi shared some advice that couples should consider before getting married. One of her notable tips includes couples experiencing co-living before getting engaged.
Co-living for 1 to 2 Years
“Going on staycations and holidays is entirely different from living together,” said Ms Looi.
You may relate to this because not all of us spend our 24/7 with our significant other. For Ms Looi, experiencing co-living together serves as a vital step before settling down to have children.
“For my ex-partner and I, things started to go downhill once we moved in together.”
Based on her experience, married couples who never lived together tend to fight over small things. Moreover, these small things could escalate into huge arguments.
You may find yourself starting constant fights about messy tables or going out too often. The consistency of these situations leads to an unhappy household.
“Your house is meant to be your safe space, not some place that aggravates you,” Ms Looi adds.
What It Takes to Be a Divorcee
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Any type of separation, like divorce, plays out as an emotionally challenging event. However, with proper communication, you can end relationships healthily.
No one dreams of entering into marriage, only expecting it to fail. Unfortunately, more than 20% of first marriages end in divorce within five years, and 48% by the 20-year mark.
The Struggles to Face After Divorce
The struggles after marriage can be more difficult if you have children with your ex. After the divorce, you must face the fact that your former spouse will still play a role in your and your kids’ lives.
“You may not be ‘husband and wife’, but you will always be ‘mummy and daddy’,” said Ms Looi.
There could have an issue with child custody, co-parenting, and many more in some cases. Divorced couples usually struggle with separation if they have kids. They also become more complicated when your in-laws get involved or if your ex-partner remarries.
Even if you have no children together, you cannot deny that your life will change forever. It could be negative for some, but the time will come when things will work out. After the whole ordeal, you might find yourself feeling lonely at first.
Whether you like it or not, you will need to restart your life and surround it with new people, discovering new things. There are many struggles to prepare for after a divorce. It is vital to keep your head up high and be strong.
How Parents Should Prepare Their Children for Their Divorce
Parents must be open and truthful with their kids. Parents need to communicate with their kids about what is happening to their parents.
“I think one mistake parents make during a divorce is to hide everything and act like things are okay before springing a surprise divorce on their kids,” says Ms Looi.
Children can be so much more intelligent than parents think. They are good at observing their parents, whom they look up to.
The issue of divorce can be scary and confusing to your children, especially when they are still very young. However, keep in mind that it is still the parents’ responsibility to let their kids know that things like this can be alright.
Parents must speak to their children and let them understand that mum and dad are staying apart for the better. It is essential to ensure that their parents still love them and will always take care of them. Additionally, you must remember never to break any promises you make for them.
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