Mum's Wishlist: What I Really Want From My Husband on Valentine's Day

While flowers, a thoughtful gift, or a home-cooked meal will be very much appreciated, mums are actually after something else from their husbands on Valentine’s Day.

What Does Mum Want for Valentine’s Day?

February 14th is a very important holiday among lovers. It’s that day of the year when you can be cheesy and declare your undying love for someone. 

This is probably why Valentine’s Day does not appeal as much to mums. 

Don’t get me wrong. We like celebrating Valentine’s Day. We like the extra attention and effort our husbands give to make this day special for us. And with us juggling the daily demands of family, work, and other commitments, being wooed with flowers, chocolates and gifts is a welcome change to the monotony of everyday life.

But if you ask me, mums are not after the most gorgeous bouquet of flowers, the latest gadget or even the sparkliest of diamonds. Because we’re not after the romance or grand gestures. We’re after love. Not just the feeling of being in love. We want the unconditional, consistent, love-you-at-your-worst kind of love. 

We’re not really asking for anything, but if you insist, and I’m speaking on behalf of all the mums I know, here are some things I want from my partner for Valentine’s Day:

• We want quality time.

I don’t need fancy candle-lit dinners (although I would like to see you dressed up for me) or pricey trips abroad. I just want you to give me your complete, undivided attention. It can be hawker food or takeout for all I care. But I want you to make an effort to make sure we commit to our date nights, whether it’s at the movies, or just playing video games at home. 

I want you to unplug from your gadgets, get away from your hobbies or whatever it is that’s distracting you and connect with me. I want to know that you love looking at me more than you like staring at your phone.

• We want you to be more involved in parenting.

I want to feel that I have a partner in this chaotic but beautiful world of parenting. I want to know that we’re in it together. And I want you to feel empowered in doing that. I don’t want to hear excuses like, “I can’t do it like you do,” or “You’re better at this than I am.” I just want to see you try to be the best dad you can be.

So read the parenting books and articles that I keep sending you, and spend time with your children. Bring them to the park (I could use a day out) and take their picture. Share your hobbies with them, and you might find how similar you are. Because I see a lot of you in them.

You may not be the perfect dad, but you’re exactly the father they need. 

• We want your commitment to improving our communication.

They say men and women are from different planets, so they can never understand each other. But once upon a time, you and I decided we wanted to talk and annoy each other for the rest of our lives. So let’s keep working on that. 

We don’t have to agree on everything, but I want to know that you’re trying to understand me. I want you to learn my love language and fill my love tank the way that I want you to. I want you to be honest with me, express yourself and not feel like everything you say will be held against you, and vice versa. 

• We want to know you’re still attracted to us.

I may have “let myself go” a bit since I gave birth to your babies, and I am trying hard to shed the baby weight. But while I am struggling with my postpartum body, I hope I never have to feel that your attraction for me has waned.

Because underneath all the insecurities and the lack of time to spend time on my appearance, I am still that woman you fell in love with. 

So keep working on yourself. Keep going to the gym and perfecting that dad-bod that I love cuddling with. Because I want to know that you’re still making an effort to look good for me. 

• We want a relaxing and stress-free day, without judgment

Every single day, I try my best to keep the house clean, have the chores and homework sorted out and the kids as healthy and as happy as they can possibly be. So it wouldn’t be too much if I just want a day where I can just keep to myself, right?

Wanting time for myself does not mean I love you or the kids less. I just want to eat comfort food and lay on the couch for as long as I can, read a book or watch a TV show without worrying if you’re going to judge me for my decisions. Or commenting about the mess or complaining why junior’s got a cold. I just want a day where I don’t have to be “mum” and just be me. 

• A heartfelt apology

One word, five letters. But say it only when you mean it. Not for the sake of saying it so that we could finally be lovey-dovey again. I need to know that you’re hearing me out and you know what you’re being sorry for. I want you to acknowledge not your mistakes, but my feelings. Regardless of who’s wrong or right, if you hurt somebody’s feelings, you have to say sorry.

I don’t want the kids growing up knowing how it is to be resentful. I want them to learn that it doesn’t make one less of a person if you apologise, and know that forgiveness goes around plenty in our home. 

• A sincere “Thank you”

They say actions mean louder than words, and it’s true. But sometimes I also want to know that you appreciate everything I do for our family. I do not wish to be painted as a martyr or a saint, as I am also not perfect. But I want to hear that you’re seeing my sacrifices and my struggles in making life easy for you and the kids. 

I  want you to recognise my contribution to our family, regardless if I’m bringing home the money or not. 

At the end of the day, all mothers want from their husbands is their loyalty and devotion. These things don’t cost much or even anything at all. But a commitment to be consistent and invested in our goals and dreams for our family is the most priceless thing you can give us for Valentine’s Day, and every day of the year.

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