You’ve probably come across the meme by Matthew McConaughey that says, “The best thing you could probably do as a father is making sure they see how you love their mother”. And it’s true on so many levels because what mums need most, are simple yet deliberate gestures by you, to show them that you love them.
It sounds simple but do not underestimate the power of what mums need most. These tiny gestures go a long way in keeping the foundation of your family strong. And how you treat your wife has a huge impact on how your kids grow up.
What children see when you don’t treat your wife right
When you order your wife around and treat her no better than a slave, when you make her feel worthless and talk down to her, when you hurt her with your words, your children watch, wide-eyed and filled with trepidation.
When you disrespect your wife and don’t treat her like an equal, tiny eyes watch from behind a wall.
When tempers escalate and voices rise, when things fly across the house, when things smash and doors slam, your children tremble in fear.
When you pack your bag and walk out of the house, making the final decision to choose your mistress over your family, the silence that follows is deafening. They feel lost and bewildered. Nothing makes sense to them.
Or even if you do none of that, but you don’t give your wife what mums need most – time and affection, you still send a strong message. When you stare at the television and your phone more than her, when you prioritise your friends and job over her, they know, and they know something is amiss.
And all of these make children feel insecure and unsafe. You fill their tiny hearts with terror, fear and anxiety when all they should know is happiness.
When they should be experiencing sunshine and butterflies, you change their world into a dark and desolate place. And that’s not fair.
Children feel lost, confused and afraid when the home isn’t a safe and happy place.
What mums need most
Mums need your love and affection. Your children need to see you shower her with that. Not just in words, not just by saying that you love her, but by simple gestures that you keep doing, every, single day.
Treat the mother of your children so well that your children never wonder if you love their mother, or if you’re faithful when you’re not at home. Make it clear that is is not acceptable to cheat, to disrespect or to walk out on your wife.
Make sure that your children know what a good marriage looks like and for them to know without a shadow of a doubt, that you love their mother more than anything. And in order to do that, you need to show it to them.
Make it clear that is is not acceptable to take love for granted. The thrill isn’t just in the chase.
Buy her flowers every now and then so that your son sees and does that for his wife so that your daughter knows how she should be treated and the kind of love she deserves. So that your children know that it’s necessary for a man to be willing to take that extra little bit of time and money to invest in romance. It doesn’t have to be an extravagant and pricey bouquet, it could be as simple as a bunch of flowers you picked off the rack in Cold Storage.
Flowers are among what mums need most. Not the flowers, but what they stand for.
Why? It’s not about being cheesy or cliched. It’s about sending the message that even after many years of marriage, the importance of showing affection remains. And that’s what mums need most.
Love is a verb
What mums need most is for their husbands to understand that the reality of marriage and family life is that love is a verb, an action. Love is continuous. It’s not something that just happens and once it happens you just let it be to continue on its own.
Love does not work that way.
Love is a constant and deliberate gesture. It’s an endless stream of I love you messages, phone calls just to hear each other’s voice, lots of embraces, lots of hugs, kisses and touch. It’s a whole lot of dates, smiles, winks and subtle flirting. It’s about telling your wife how beautiful she looks at her best and worst days.
Love is not keeping score and willing to compromise. Love is putting aside your ego and admitting you’re wrong. Love is saying sorry. Love is watching the kids on a Sunday morning just so she can sleep a little longer. Most importantly, love is doing all of this in the presence of your children.
Yes, that’s what mums need most.
If your kids are rolling their eyes, it’s a good sign
If your kids are rolling their eyes at you professing your undying love for their mother, it’s a good sign. If they are shutting you up with, we know, that’s an even better sign. Because what that means is that they know it for a fact that you love their mother. And knowing that gives them the sense of security that even if their entire world is crumbling, they have two parents who love each other and them, and that’s all that matters.
Love is the foundation of a happy family
Again, never underestimate the importance of this. And yes, it’s what mums need most, for you to love them without reservation, and for everyone to be able to see it.
If not love then what?
Think about this dads, if you don’t shower your wife with love, then what are you showing really? Is it indifference? Is it avoidance? Is it the silence that will tear two people apart?
All this display of love and affection is not just what mums need most, but what a marriage needs most. If you show your love in actions, your marriage and your family will get warmer and more functional.
This love and affection make up what you call marital maintenance, the grease of marriage. It’s what your children need to see to feel safe and comfortable in the home that two loving parents have built for them.
Source: Scary Mommy
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