Too Much Love: Helicopter Parents Could Be Raising Anxious, Narcissistic Children

In 2019, The Age newspaper highlighted the growing concern over “helicopter parenting” at universities. The report revealed instances where parents were contacting lecturers to inquire about their adult children’s grades, attending meetings with course coordinators, and frequently calling academics to check on their children’s progress.

Over-parenting refers to the use of tactics by parents that are developmentally inappropriate and go beyond the actual needs of their children. It often involves excessive protection, where parents intervene in situations their children could handle on their own. Commonly known as “helicopter parenting,” these parents tend to hover closely, ensuring that nothing goes wrong.

While commentators have been talking about the rise of helicopter parenting among school-aged children for some years now, the idea parents would be using the same tactics on young adults is a bit more foreign.

Researchers have been studying over-parenting among university students for several years, uncovering its negative impacts. These include increased levels of anxiety, narcissism, and other psychological challenges for the children involved.

What Is Helicopter Parenting or Over-Parenting?

Research indicates that parents today dedicate more time to parenting each day compared to the 1980s. However, the extent of over-parenting remains unclear. This is largely because population studies often rely on self-reports, and many parents may be reluctant to acknowledge that they are overly controlling or excessively involved in their children’s lives.

Over-parenting is sometimes referred to as “lawnmower parenting,” illustrating how parents remove obstacles from their children’s lives to ensure a smooth path. Another metaphor compares this parenting style to raising a child in a greenhouse, suggesting a controlled, sheltered environment where children are protected from external challenges but may miss out on valuable life experiences.

Media also refers to children of such parenting as “cotton wool” kids or as being in “bubble wrap”.

Obviously, most parents want the best for their children. Research shows children of loving and attentive mothers grow up more resilient and less distressed. But at which point is this positive love and care going too far? And is over-parenting actually bad for children?

In 2012, a survey of 128 Australian psychologists and counselors revealed several examples of over-parenting. These included:

• cutting up a ten year old’s food. Bringing a separate plate of food for a 16 year old to a party as he is a picky eater
• a mother who won’t let her 17-year-old son catch the train to school
• constantly badgering the school to make sure their child is in a specific class the following year
• parents rushing to school to deliver items such as forgotten lunches, assignments or uniforms at the whim of their child
• parents believing that, regardless of effort, their child must be rewarded.

Research On School-Aged Children

There is very little research on the effects of over-parenting in school-aged children. A 2015 study, that included 56 parents of children from prep to Year 8, found over-parenting was associated with an authoritarian parenting style and parents being anxious themselves.

Excessive parenting has also been associated with reduced self-esteem in adolescents, and a lower ability to show leadership.

University-Aged ‘Children’

Most of our understanding of the consequences of over-parenting comes from studies involving university students. In young adults, excessive parenting is particularly noticeable and often deemed inappropriate, as it surpasses their developmental needs and desires.

Research indicates that some parents of university students intervene inappropriately, such as advocating on their child’s behalf in cases of code-of-conduct violations or discussing academic challenges directly with lecturers. In more extreme cases, parents may impose curfews, monitor their adult child’s diet and exercise, vet their social circle, and even dictate which subjects they should study.

There are a number of negative consequences for university students whose parents help them too much. It has been shown these students suffer from more anxiety and depression than their peers.

University students whose parents are controlling also have low levels of self-efficacy (confidence over one’s own ability) which leads to poorer university adjustment, resulting in lower grades and difficulties in relating to others. Other studies have found negative consequences of over-parenting on the child include less autonomy, decreased levels of self-regulation, increased narcissism, attention seeking and wanting approval and direction from others.

Why Are Parents So Concerned?

The rise in overbearing parenting is attributed to several factors. Some researchers suggest that economic pressures play a significant role, with parents becoming more heavily invested in their child’s education to ensure they secure a well-paying job in an increasingly competitive job market.

We know that more university students are living at home and so are more influenced by their parents. In general young people often have a more delayed growing up period. Some researchers have dubbed this period of development as “adultescence”.

Regardless, whether over-parenting comes from too much love or the need to see yourself in your children, it is not the best way of parenting.

A better way is allowing your child to make mistakes and learn from them. To help them when they ask for your help but not to always jump in. Each child is different and so is every parent, so one-size parenting does not fit all. But we know loving and attentive parents have resilient children, so let them be “free range” sometimes, and enjoy being a parent.

Marilyn Campbell, Professor Faculty of Education, School of Cultural and Professional Learning, Queensland University of Technology

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

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