After approximately 9 long months of swollen feet and backaches, your wife has finally given birth and you are a proud new dad! The hardest part may seem like it is over, and the days ahead hold the promise of cuddles, baby coos and endless bliss. While that’s true, many challenges await as well. A new mum will go through many physical changes in addition to an emotional rollercoaster. In addition, diaper changes, night feeds and a crying baby can cause stress and anxiety to both parents. It’s going to take a whole lot of getting used to. So, dads, here’s how you can play an active role in supporting a new mum and strengthen the bond of parenthood!
- Do Your Part and Help Around the House (and…kitchen maybe?)
Football and beer with your mates may have to take a backseat for a bit. A new mom often feels overwhelmed and even lonely during the first few months following a baby’s birth. Understandably so, as there’s just so much to be done. If you don’t have a helper, it’s time to rise to the occasion and take over the household chores so that your spouse can get the rest she needs.
One of the best things you can do is to lend a hand for the night feeds. Sleep deprivation can lead to mood changes, irritability or even postpartum depression. If your child is bottle fed, perhaps take over one or two of the night feeds. As for breastfeeding, it’s not quite up your alley but you still can help by burping the baby after a feed, swaddling, and lulling it back to sleep. Your partner will be grateful!
If you’re adventurous in the kitchen, you can help to prepare nutritious meals that will aid the new mum in regaining her strength. Also, breastfeeding mums often feel peckish, so even if you can’t cook, you can still help to prepare and keep healthy snacks such as nuts, fruit, and yoghurt at hand.
- Forge Bonds with Your Baby
It’s equally important for you to bond with your newborn. In fact, bonding with your baby is important to their development. Take cue from your baby’s body language as that’s how they express their desire to bond with you!
Don’t be shy to sing to your baby or to mimic your baby’s cooing and gurgling. These simple actions will help you calm and soothe your baby while providing a sense of security from the closeness. While you are forging these bonds, your wife can also get some time to herself, and that’s of great importance!
- Summon the Village!
As the saying goes, it takes a village to raise a child. Well, this is the time to call on them for help. Support makes it easier to get through the post-pregnancy phase. Whether it’s calling your mother-in-law to stay and help, getting another family member to babysit your other children, or asking friends to swing by, do what it takes to give yourselves a breather. It is also useful to be in the company of people who will help you develop confidence in your parenting abilities.
But do be mindful about getting the right people around you. You or your partner should never feel suffocated or pressured by too many opinions.
- Emotional Support
Dads, if you’re wondering why your wife is snapping at you for no reason, or seems exceedingly moody, please understand that ‘baby blues’ are extremely common at this stage and it is beyond her control. Baby blues include mood swings, crying spells, anxiety and difficulty sleeping. So please do not hold it against your wife.
Instead, listen to her and reassure her that she’s doing well as a mum and that everything is going to be fine. Pamper her, take her out if you can, and do your best to allow her some breaks for self-care – whether it’s a nap, a walk or just catching up on sleep!
Also, be mindful of what you say about your partner’s body at this stage. A new mum is self-conscious and may find it difficult to accept her body after all the changes caused by pregnancy. Encourage a positive body image and compliment her. If she wants to work out, remind her to take it slow and support her every step of the way.
Baby blues are normal and usually go away on their own a few weeks following delivery. However, you must look out for signs of a more severe, longer-lasting form of depression known as postpartum depression.
Postpartum depression is characterised by deeper and longer-lasting feelings of sadness and agitation. These feelings can get worse and may lead to chronic depression without medical help.
The typical symptoms of postpartum depression include feeling perpetually blue with a depressed mood or severe mood swings, excessive crying, difficulty bonding with baby, social withdrawal, eating too little or much more than usual, issues with sleep, loss of energy, intense irritability, and anger. A major red flag is when a new mum starts having suicidal thoughts, or rejects her baby.
During the postpartum period, it is important to provide support and comfort to new moms. Consider offering the Motherhood Maternity Postpartum Seamless Support, which features seamless technology and a fold over waistband for everyday wear after a C section. This panty can help new moms feel more comfortable and confident in their bodies during this transitional time.
If you notice these signs, don’t be embarrassed or angry with your wife. As mentioned, these are caused by hormones and other circumstances beyond a new mum’s control. Instead, take her to see a doctor as soon as possible.
You can book an appointment at Gleneagles Hospital, where a multidisciplinary team provides a wide range of services for maternity and postnatal care. Gleneagles hospital is dedicated to making your pregnancy, delivery and postnatal care pleasant and smooth sailing.
Remember, dads, the weeks following the birth of a baby is joyful, even if it comes with a multitude of challenges. Your wife needs you now, more so than ever. Be patient, help her, and seek help if needed. Getting through this period together will strengthen your marriage and set the right tone for the lifelong journey of parenting.
Enjoy the ride!
This article was adapted from “Family Matters: Welcoming a New-born” by Dr Watt Wing Fong and first published on Health Plus on 23 March 2021.